Fair and square

Fair and Square


My daughter and I were watching Noddy on the TV. All toy town people had just collected a bagful of berries and the toy-town baddies had sneaked around and stolen them. Noddy and the policeman Mr. Plod were after them. Finally they catch up with the baddies. Noddy shouts at them to return the berries. The baddies shout back that they will not only not return the berries but Noddy can’t make them give it back; then, they had stolen the berries “fair & square” and therefore the berries now belonged to them by right.

What beautiful logic! I was amused to see the resemblance to real life in this conversation. I go to the park with my child everyday and allow other children to play with the ball I carry with me. So the ball is either in play with some kid or the other or just lying there somewhere. Some time ago an old lady picked it up and kept it in her lap. I was watching her but did not say anything; later when it was time to go home I went to her and asked for the ball. She wasn’t very keen to return it thinking of it as an abandoned ball. I had to explain to her that I let other kids play but it was mine. She did give it back but not happily. Then some days ago when I was not looking, somebody took it away and I have not seen it since.

Now what was I to think? Why are we so keen to appropriate goods not belonging to us even if it is abandoned? You remember the story of the lamb drinking water at a stream and the wolf comes to him and says that he was dirtying the water for him. But the water is flowing downstream to me says the lamb. Oh that does not matter says the wolf; I am going to eat you anyway. “Any excuse will do”.

How easily we convince ourselves and concoct up proof to support our thoughts and thinking process to our advantage. We all know what is good and bad, correct and incorrect, right and wrong; that is by our society’s standards but yet when it is in our self-interest we look the other way without any qualm of conscience. It is not surprising that even after thousands of years of education, humanity still supports the evil in our nature and it is more in evidence than the good that we preach.

I would definitely like to know what in our nature and way of thinking makes us so. All of us read and expound sacred texts. We are regular goers to places of worship. We attend congregations for listening to advanced souls. We have prayers meetings at home and dutifully promote chanting and gatherings but for some reason all this remains acutely as part of other curricular activities. The philosophies we profess never become part of our active life and do not even scratch the surfaces of our real natures. Are we hard skinned or so insincere in our basic core that nothing can touch us our souls?

We do live a charade. One of the most horrific displays of this nature is the pious and virtuous show we put up in the form of artificial temples and copies of places of pilgrimages and the recent fashion of Chowki platforms to sing the praise of our Gods. The ridiculous is taken to an extreme with the populace rushing for Darshan and a glimpse of the Lord. The statues that are displayed are horrifyingly ugly; the singing is in bad taste by second rate artists and the volumes are designed to shatter all the glasses around. In some performances real theatrical groups are involved which is disgusting and a downright insult to any dignified “show” – definitely nothing Godly and what God would come in these surroundings? It is so downright a display of human stupidity and its ability to pull wool over its own eyes. The worst is that nobody has the courage to speak up although many in privately say how coarse they find it. The saving grace is the dinner that follows.

Why are we so easily swayed to accept the “bad” & and the “unacceptable” even by our own standards? And convince ourselves that all is alright!

Relief from Anxiety,Depression, Stress

Relief from Anxiety/panic attacks, Depression and Stress

All humans are neither created in the same fabric nor brought up in the same way. Some can take the stress of life calmly because it is already built-in in their inherent nature; others who are more introspective are baffled by the complexities of life and behaviors of others. Their basic natures are trusting, kind and loving. The world unfortunately does not respond kindly to their "soft" nature but always attempts to take advantage of. A "nice" person is always seen as easy meat.If you are looking for relief from all the pressures around you need to first understand that the world cannot be changed. But you can create a buffer zone around you. You need to understand also what is at play and then find in yourself the strength which is already there to create a small world of your own in which only you are you and welcome and which will act as an island of refuge for you.We cannot always change our patterns but by changing some of our activities we can create new paths in our brain’s way of handling things. Try sometimes the concept of De-stressing through Drawing/Coloring with pastel Crayons/Painting in Oil. It is simply impossible to be unhappy with colors in your life. Left to themselves, most humans would go on masturbating with their own morbid thoughts. So they have to be weaned away. The ego of a person will resist so the job has to be done gently. Landscapes with pleasant forms and all elemental natural ingredients in it serve well in this regardAvoid stressed out people.Stress is physically infectious. People under stress radiate stress energy to the surroundings through their chakras and auras. Consciously or subconsciously they transfer a great bulk of stress by being nasty and rude to others”.And learn to relax by any means that you like, find convinient. Things that help you learn are always the best as they enhance the future quality of life.Read more detailed activity report at:http://sites.google.com/site/anxietydepressionstressrelief/

Letting go

Let go and let live

This subject keeps popping up every now and then. How parents maintain control and run & ruin the lives of their children till “Death doth them part” is a perennial source of many miseries. You won’t need a magnifying lens or lantern to find people who practice strict hold on the psyche on their children and for that matter anywhere they can at home or work. I see this attitude so fairly common that I decided to put down some of the conversations I have had for all to note.

Here is one of the conversations:

Dear PK, I learnt a lot by your remark - "don't try to teach the world".One of my close relative has been into alcoholism for the last 25 years, his wife and children have left him ages back, and he stays with his mother.Both of them share a very close bond and in spite of him being in the habit of abusing his mother...even at such an old age, separation does not seem a viable solution, nothing seems to work....can you suggest any way out?

My response:
I don’t think anything will work now.He has decided that he will forever be a baby. His mother is promoting it.
These are cases in which mothers are responsible for the low esteem and childishness promoted right from the day one is born.
Generally speaking, the misery he will go through when his mother is not there is just frightening.
You will have to let destiny play its part. Anyone who interferes will only burn his fingers.

Mothers can be very possessive, fathers very domineering and bosses dictatorial. Humans find it very difficult to let go. The misery that entails is rarely understood by those perpetrating it. The very psyche of the child is pummeled into a blob of jelly. The indigestible truth is that the influences of these parents goes on and on into many coming generations as their children perpetuate the same tendencies.
Here I give the essential extracts from another conversation:

Question:
Considering history and events that mankind chooses to write/record as history, humans are a warring species, a cruel species, capable of any atrocity. Yet we have all learnt by experience that in relationships a little appreciation goes a long, long way.
People who erroneously believe they can bludgeon or humiliate a partner into some form of submission are so far out of sync with reality . . . yet it is common; why is that?


Response:
It is the feel of indestructibility and power at work. Humans have a cruel streak. The elements of vanity and arrogance make them vulnerable. Whenever and wherever they get a chance to exercise their power over others, they do - often with sadistic tendencies; from Dictators downwards to the clerk, from the patriarch to the cook, from Director in a school to the bully… just about everyone.

Normally we are born with a lot of kindness but the harsh condition the child meets later changes the basic nature in many different ways. As the child grows older it learns to protect itself and then it absorbs behavior patterns from his immediate surrounding and learns to do things the way it sees others doing it. Until the child is also shown and taught that kindness can bring in more rewards than brute sadistic action, the child will never know better. It is all a matter of exposure and examples set by peers.

The hold of the subconscious is very strong and most of the time it is quietly & surreptiously running the show. That is why we need to be careful with what children might be absorbing. Kind and loving parents, even indulgent ones but firm on the “Ten Commandments” create the best foundations.
Unfortunately in real life the opposite is more apparent.
Criticizing instead of softly correcting, scolding/beating and doing the thinking for the child instead of letting him discover and play; thereby preempting him at every point are the worst things that leave indelible marks and form his adult nature. Experiences from the time the child is born get stacked up in the subconscious and influence his persona forever afterwards. It is a chain reaction of habits and tendencies that goes on and on from generations to generations.

First we do not permit the child to flower; clipping his wings at every step. Then we weaken him emotionally by acting as crutches and then we complain that our children are no good, irresponsible and spineless; we even wonder if ever they will grow up. First we stunt their personalities and then ask them to go and make a mark in the world –and that too in our image. How myopic can one get?

It has been my contention that we should learn to let go after the age of 40 and after 60 the letting go should be total; easier said than done though. Not only let go but even withdraw from controlling interests; continuing to live fully at the personal level but ready for the transition that has to come eventually sooner or later.

I have seen many marriages ruined or broken, many promising careers spoilt, many disturbed kids - all because of the interfering & meddling from parents; many family owned businesses that go bust because the old man at the helm would not make the changes with the times and the next generation was never groomed properly to take over.

It is so sad to see people who have had their day clinging to every vestige of their younger self, their positions and possessions; anxious and sleepless as to what will happen after them.

The graveyard is full of people who thought of themselves as indispensable.

What shall we call this? The human comedy or human tragedy!