Crime and Apology
The day has not begun well at all. First the news of a death of a friend stared at me when I checked my emails. I was drowning this piece of info in a cup of coffee and opened the newspaper. My temper went into a swirl and my moods went for a six. There were three bits of reporting that got my goat instantly
1. Nanny lends out an eight month old kid to beggars for use in begging while she sits at her employer’s home gorging on all the food in the house and watching TV. The working parents having no idea that their darling is having a day out everyday.
2. That another baby sitter somewhere in Europe had reported the child under her care as lost and was hiding him under her bed. The police finally located it. I wonder what was on their mind. Blackmail or worse a “sale”.
3. A father tries to get rid of his baby boy outside in the open near a canal to fend for itself as he is ashamed of what the society will say because he has fathered the child at the age of 45+.
What are we; Humans or monsters from Mars? Perhaps there are no monsters on mars only very kind people so I beg pardon.
I reiterate my pet peeve that parents should not have children if they cannot for any reason take care of them. It can be lack of finance or time. Why play with the life of a person who has just begun and who would have to bear the brunt of our madness & negligence for the rest of its badly begotten life. In all the above cases, the law they say will take its course. Whatever does that mean? The person will go to jail and live merrily for some years as a guest of the Government on taxpayer’s money.
And what about the child? The child poor thing would have to bear the weight of the tortures inflicted on him. He would be scarred for life before even he has had a chance to begin. If it were limited to just this much, there would still be hope but suppose in all this, he contracted pneumonia? The results would be weak lungs for life, bronchitis and such at the drop of a hat and what not. You are welcome to dream up other scenarios.
My pertinent question is “WHO WILL MAKE THESE MONSTERS PAY FOR THE INFAMOUS CONDUCT AND HOW”?
If we have not made them suffer abuse they will have nothing to regret about. I advocate that they be hung in a cage from the nearest tree for a few days and nights without food or care. In this matter I have no qualms of conscience or little kindness to share; whatever the promoters of “FORGIVING” may say.
It is so easy to say Sorry and get away with anything. When my maid broke my fine china cup, she said sorry and that was that. But I know and she knows that there was no remorse. At the bottom of it all is the thought that what if at all can I do to her in retaliation? She is careless and couldn’t care less. My loss is not hers and nothing in her consciousness will ever bother to change her attitude to property or feelings of others.
In continuation I would say our sense of respect and concern has reached a dismal low in this new age. It was never very high on the scale of Humaneness anyway. As we are saying “ Grab whatever you can; do it now; if somebody is hurt-it is his problem; who has seen tomorrow and what do we care?”
You are invited to contribute & participate in the book projects which are being taken up to provide a free advertising platform to established & emerging professionals, artists designers and others..
Vous etes invite a contribuer et participer dans ces livres destines a devenir des bouquins de référence.
1) My Favorite piece of Furniture..
Show off your favorite piece of furniture and let the world know about you. In the furniture book Objet d'art are also being considered.
2) Healing and Healers.
Write about your healing knowledge and practice and let the world know about you.
3) Nostalgia - Of the Time Gone By.
It is to be a collection of photographs from the past, dating before the 1950s. And let the world know of you.
In all the above books, the contributors will be prominently acknowledged and the books being designed to serve as reference books for customers looking for professionals..
(my personal emails)
citrinebooks@yahoo.com
pk@citrinebooks.com
Gratefully yours – PK
www.citrinebooks.com
Also as an artist, please visit: http://sites.google.com/site/artnershipshop/ & join us.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Good morning+Kiss from my little one+invitation
Please contribute & participate in the book projects. 1) My Favorite piece of Furniture.
Show off your favorite piece of furniture.
2) Healing and Healers.
Write about your healing knowledge and practice.
3) Nostalgia - Of the Time Gone By.
It is to be a collection of photographs from the past, dating before the 1950s. In the furniture book Objet d'art are also being considered.
In all the above books, the contributors will be prominently acknowledged and the books being designed to serve as reference books for cutomers looking for professionals..
(my personal emails)
citrinebooks@yahoo.com
pk@citrinebooks.com
Gratefully yours – PK
www.citrinebooks.com
Also as an artist, please visit: http://sites.google.com/site/artnershipshop/
& join us.
Monday, September 7, 2009
Artnershipshop
About the goals of The Artnership Shop.
This idea of a cooperative effort to “hard-sell” was born when I felt that individually the marketing costs work out astronomically high. Most artists are not comfortable with the technical and business aspect of marketing. Where is the time too? I find many artists are not very comfortable using the basic computer even. So this venture is for those who would be happy to leave the marketing to me (more about me at: http://sites.google.com/site/pradeepmaheshwaris164gk1del/ )
whereas they keep themselves busy with their art and creative activities.
1) This is not a business venture for me. I am offering through this venture my 35 years of marketing & business experience. It is promoted as a service to artist friends. It is totally nonprofit in concept.
2) The idea behind the Shop is to bring your art and you to a wider audience & exposure; so that in the final analysis, our originals find their way to appreciative clients. That is all.
3) I felt something more solid was needed. So this offer of a permanent address + continuous promotion through various means like advertising, personal contacts and displays.
4) Although I must mention, I reserve the right to select the paintings put up for sale.
Artists interested to join hands, please write to me at artnershipshop@yahoo.com
This idea of a cooperative effort to “hard-sell” was born when I felt that individually the marketing costs work out astronomically high. Most artists are not comfortable with the technical and business aspect of marketing. Where is the time too? I find many artists are not very comfortable using the basic computer even. So this venture is for those who would be happy to leave the marketing to me (more about me at: http://sites.google.com/site/pradeepmaheshwaris164gk1del/ )
whereas they keep themselves busy with their art and creative activities.
1) This is not a business venture for me. I am offering through this venture my 35 years of marketing & business experience. It is promoted as a service to artist friends. It is totally nonprofit in concept.
2) The idea behind the Shop is to bring your art and you to a wider audience & exposure; so that in the final analysis, our originals find their way to appreciative clients. That is all.
3) I felt something more solid was needed. So this offer of a permanent address + continuous promotion through various means like advertising, personal contacts and displays.
4) Although I must mention, I reserve the right to select the paintings put up for sale.
Artists interested to join hands, please write to me at artnershipshop@yahoo.com
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
True to one's salt
Being true to his salt.
Loyalty and Honesty are words that are getting rather mauled up in the present age. Whatever happened to the established norms of loyalty and undiluted honesty because one had partaken “salt” from parents, families, friends and employers? Once we had taken the gift of sharing their “salt” we were bound to repay in kind; the elders gave us protection and the younger ones by service.
How principles, attitudes & mentality have changed. My younger brother who is not blood related, but I have been adopted as an elder brother so the tie is as strong, is a gold smith. He was doing very well with over 20 workers under his care. He is from the villages of Bengal and his workers mostly hail from there. My brother used to take orders from shops, execute them and that was that. It was simple, good honest work if you can ever think of a goldsmith as completely honest. But today, twenty years on, he has closed down his workshop. Why? Because the workers tend to run away with the material given to them for executing orders; 20 years ago this happened once in a blue moon, now it is rare to find a worker who would most probably not do it.
A young man from the forgotten corners of Bihar came in touch with me. He was good at computers repair and maintenance and kept my system in good form all the time. He wanted a credit card but did not have a permanent address so he asked me permission to show himself as living with me as a tenant. He got his credit card and for five years things were well. In the mean while the bank offered him enhanced credit of 150.000 rupees. He got tempted and used it up. In the meanwhile the boy got diagnosed with renal failure. His income came to nil. I had no inkling of it. When the bankers started chasing him for payment, then I learnt of what was happening. I asked the banker on what grounds had they given this guy so much credit? I told them I was just an address to receive his mails as he is always in the field and all correspondence is sent by special courier that requires the presence of somebody to receive. I have no idea about anything else. Now as far as I know, the boy has run back to his home somewhere in Bihar.
I feel that too much is being given too fast to people who have not been adequately “character wise” formed to receive the bounties. We have unleashed motorcycles and cars on the roads. Other facilities like mobile phones etc should have given mobility and communication ease to all. It has. Now the thieves and scoundrels are having a field day. Many who would have been otherwise too afraid to do anything but be decent citizens are now inspired by the gangsterism they see around them are taking it on as a profession. Even decent citizens let themselves go as you can see in road rage cases.
In contrast my mother tells me of a story from her childhood. The accountant who was responsible for collecting taxes used to go about alone in the horse buggy with another man. One evening it was getting late and the accountant was getting jittery as they would have to pass through a lonely stretch which was known for its dacoits. He kept on telling the driver to hurry and go faster but the other guy was just not paying heed. The poor accountant became certain that his time had come and he would suffer for ever in purgatory for letting his master down. Right in the middle of nowhere the buggy came to a stop. The accountant hollered to his companion that he was being untrue to his salt and what a mean fate has brought them together. The other guy just got down, gave a shout or two and soon there were men surrounding them. The accountant was shaking like a jelly. Guess what the driver did? He asked two of the men to accompany them till the town as there was a huge amount of cash to be protected! And they all reached home safely.
Another story my mother relates is about a raid by dacoits at her sister’s in-laws. The youngest child bride came weeping to the chief of the dacoits imploring him “Uncle, please do not take my things. My mother in law will kill me”. His response was
“Well now that you have called me uncle I am duty bound to protect you. Don’t worry”. He then told his lieutenants to leave anything belonging to this child bride alone and while leaving admonished the mother in law – “If, even a hair of this girl is ever harmed, I shall come back and settle scores!”
This was what it meant to be true to his salt and one’s own.
Loyalty and Honesty are words that are getting rather mauled up in the present age. Whatever happened to the established norms of loyalty and undiluted honesty because one had partaken “salt” from parents, families, friends and employers? Once we had taken the gift of sharing their “salt” we were bound to repay in kind; the elders gave us protection and the younger ones by service.
How principles, attitudes & mentality have changed. My younger brother who is not blood related, but I have been adopted as an elder brother so the tie is as strong, is a gold smith. He was doing very well with over 20 workers under his care. He is from the villages of Bengal and his workers mostly hail from there. My brother used to take orders from shops, execute them and that was that. It was simple, good honest work if you can ever think of a goldsmith as completely honest. But today, twenty years on, he has closed down his workshop. Why? Because the workers tend to run away with the material given to them for executing orders; 20 years ago this happened once in a blue moon, now it is rare to find a worker who would most probably not do it.
A young man from the forgotten corners of Bihar came in touch with me. He was good at computers repair and maintenance and kept my system in good form all the time. He wanted a credit card but did not have a permanent address so he asked me permission to show himself as living with me as a tenant. He got his credit card and for five years things were well. In the mean while the bank offered him enhanced credit of 150.000 rupees. He got tempted and used it up. In the meanwhile the boy got diagnosed with renal failure. His income came to nil. I had no inkling of it. When the bankers started chasing him for payment, then I learnt of what was happening. I asked the banker on what grounds had they given this guy so much credit? I told them I was just an address to receive his mails as he is always in the field and all correspondence is sent by special courier that requires the presence of somebody to receive. I have no idea about anything else. Now as far as I know, the boy has run back to his home somewhere in Bihar.
I feel that too much is being given too fast to people who have not been adequately “character wise” formed to receive the bounties. We have unleashed motorcycles and cars on the roads. Other facilities like mobile phones etc should have given mobility and communication ease to all. It has. Now the thieves and scoundrels are having a field day. Many who would have been otherwise too afraid to do anything but be decent citizens are now inspired by the gangsterism they see around them are taking it on as a profession. Even decent citizens let themselves go as you can see in road rage cases.
In contrast my mother tells me of a story from her childhood. The accountant who was responsible for collecting taxes used to go about alone in the horse buggy with another man. One evening it was getting late and the accountant was getting jittery as they would have to pass through a lonely stretch which was known for its dacoits. He kept on telling the driver to hurry and go faster but the other guy was just not paying heed. The poor accountant became certain that his time had come and he would suffer for ever in purgatory for letting his master down. Right in the middle of nowhere the buggy came to a stop. The accountant hollered to his companion that he was being untrue to his salt and what a mean fate has brought them together. The other guy just got down, gave a shout or two and soon there were men surrounding them. The accountant was shaking like a jelly. Guess what the driver did? He asked two of the men to accompany them till the town as there was a huge amount of cash to be protected! And they all reached home safely.
Another story my mother relates is about a raid by dacoits at her sister’s in-laws. The youngest child bride came weeping to the chief of the dacoits imploring him “Uncle, please do not take my things. My mother in law will kill me”. His response was
“Well now that you have called me uncle I am duty bound to protect you. Don’t worry”. He then told his lieutenants to leave anything belonging to this child bride alone and while leaving admonished the mother in law – “If, even a hair of this girl is ever harmed, I shall come back and settle scores!”
This was what it meant to be true to his salt and one’s own.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Shopping for color
My artist friends and I have got together to launch this Shop to promote our work.
Please visit this link.
http://sites.google.com/site/artnershipshop/
Give us your opinion/suggestions and critique.
ALSO: most important please pass this link to all your friends and contacts so that we get a wider exposure. We shall be very grateful.
The site is being updated continuously.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Listening to the Universe
Listening to the Universe.
This conversation started when I posted the paragraph below on my group site:
Ever been on the verge of finishing a jigsaw puzzle only to discover the last piece has gone missing? And remember how frustrating it feels to not find it after hours of searching, only to discover it a day later hiding under the sofa's dust ruffle? A small but possibly life-changing piece of your own personal puzzle will fall into place, but only when you're not hunting for it. Don't try and force this; it'll happen quite nicely on its own.
Thanks & Regards
PK :
Cora:
Then what about age old wisdom 'seek and ye shall find'.
Aren’t all of life's paybacks about how much of a doer than a bystander you are?
PK:
There is a time for action and repose.
Time for reaching out and time for assimilation.
Let the Universe also be a partner in your life.
Cora:
What’s more gratifying? Putting your wits to test and figuring out the last jigsaw piece or stumbling across it?
You’ve hit a spot I’ve been exploring for months. Do the universe and its energies actually connive to assist you in your quest?
PK:
The Universe would if it could.
It is gratifying for the ego to think that it is the doer.
But the ego would not achieve much if the universe did not help and was not working in the background. Most often we are so busy interfering that the poor Universe is not able to help even it wants to.
Just ask this question?
How much of your life has been due to your own effort - your birth, your name, choice of place, brothers/sisters, friends, choice of opportunities etc. Things are already laid out to a plan. You have the choice to say yes or no at every moment. That's all.
Cora & PK together:
I give my answer along side yours below:
Cora: I’ve always been a believer in atheism. Thus there is no room for luck, fate, fortune, destiny, superstition, religion, god in my scheme of things.
PK: Fine let's base our conversation on this belief. But then why block or limit yourself by any belief? A belief maybe true or not; so let's go by our experiences. Let us say you get introduced to somebody at the office - then you meet the person again. Out of the blue an offer of promotion and change is made which is to your liking. Now this situation is not of your making although your charm and attitudes would have been greatly the elements that made it happen.
How would you explain the chance meeting?
Cora: So what I'm trying to say is that much of what happens in anyone's life is pretty much either their own doing (being lazy or arrogant), or someone else's action (being opportunistic or large-hearted) or has a scientific explanation to it (drought, famine, etc)
PK: These are definitely very important factors and behind all action taken or not taken. But where did the situation come from in the first place wherein these factors came into play?
Cora: When I started hearing about the universe's energies i didn't find any scientific evaluation for this theory nor any human contribution and hence my line of questioning.
PK: Science? Its purview is limited to the material world? How can it explain everything? That would make every scientist into an absolute Brahma!
Cora:
If we go by this example, then the answer for me is rather simple.
The person joined my company out of his/her willingness or someone else's decision (i strongly believe that when people say 'I didn't decide about it, things just fell into place" it means that someone else has acted for you)
The 'chance' meeting is 2 people's intentions and efforts to meet. Here again I could've chosen to avoid meeting the person due to other issues at hand. By choosing to meet this 'influential' person and appearing interested and enthusiastic I have favored a good result for myself. Thankfully for me the other person has also accepted it in the same attitude and reciprocated positively. Let’s accept it, unless there is a vested interest from either parties, promotions and moves don't come around at the drop of a hat. So it comes to conclude that all things that happen are on accord of your doing or someone else's or scientific. There’s no such thing as the 'chance' meeting or the 'favorable' time.
Situations come from thought and action leading to more thought and action and situations.
If science or man or nature doesn't have an answer to the theory of universal energy, then i think what we mean is the collective energy of human thought and action.
Brahma and science, at the end of the day, are man's discoveries, one to bow before and the other to rule with.
PK:
If you are comfortable with this then it is quite the right explanation
Cora:
Can you site a personal example where you believe you or anyone around had no hand in the situation that came upon you?
PK:
It is how you take it. There is always a chain of action and reaction that can be traced in every event. It is how you interpret it; which depends on your beliefs.
People believed the earth is flat or the earth is the centre of the solar system etc. Fine. It did not change anything.
All actions and results are not immediate and therefore not obvious. The human mind tends to see only the obvious.
But when gratitude seeps into your character, you become more generous in your thinking. You see a bigger and vaster field of action.
As for examples, it would be difficult to show you the Universe at work because you would find excuses and reasons not to see it in your present frame of mind.
Let me give you some instances anyway:
I was living alone. No telephone. No servants. One day I suddenly get 104 fever and am absolutely incapacitated. I did not have the ready cash to go to a doctor in hand (these were the times when there were no ATMs or mobiles)... I was there, in bed and asking for the Universe to work it out. A friend, whom I knew only randomly and who had never visited me before, appeared in his car, took me to a doctor, took care of all the money part, brought me back and went away. He has never visited me again.
Once I was just recovering from a bout of food poisoning. I desired to eat a rassagolla. The feeling just happened to be there. A friend came by with rassagollas. Just like that.
I attribute it to the Universe. You can attribute the incidences to your own logic. I don’t think it matters one way or the other to the Universe.
Cora:
I'm undergoing a life-altering phase right now. No amount of thought and action seems to help. I would like to explore if I sit back and let the universe take over, will things be sorted out. It’s that missing piece of the puzzle that I'm desperately hunting for.
Needless to say I do not hold your thought responsible if this doesn't turn out true for me. Like you said it could just be a matter of core belief.
Thanks a ton, for this perspective Pradeep. I do hope someday I can see the world through your shades too. Cause though I can't fully accept it right now, it does seem quite enlightening.
PK:
First feel grateful for all the positive things you have.
Then stop to rest for a while in the pursuance of your goals.
To listen to the Universe, Silence is needed.
The din in your head has to be quietened.
This conversation started when I posted the paragraph below on my group site:
Ever been on the verge of finishing a jigsaw puzzle only to discover the last piece has gone missing? And remember how frustrating it feels to not find it after hours of searching, only to discover it a day later hiding under the sofa's dust ruffle? A small but possibly life-changing piece of your own personal puzzle will fall into place, but only when you're not hunting for it. Don't try and force this; it'll happen quite nicely on its own.
Thanks & Regards
PK :
Cora:
Then what about age old wisdom 'seek and ye shall find'.
Aren’t all of life's paybacks about how much of a doer than a bystander you are?
PK:
There is a time for action and repose.
Time for reaching out and time for assimilation.
Let the Universe also be a partner in your life.
Cora:
What’s more gratifying? Putting your wits to test and figuring out the last jigsaw piece or stumbling across it?
You’ve hit a spot I’ve been exploring for months. Do the universe and its energies actually connive to assist you in your quest?
PK:
The Universe would if it could.
It is gratifying for the ego to think that it is the doer.
But the ego would not achieve much if the universe did not help and was not working in the background. Most often we are so busy interfering that the poor Universe is not able to help even it wants to.
Just ask this question?
How much of your life has been due to your own effort - your birth, your name, choice of place, brothers/sisters, friends, choice of opportunities etc. Things are already laid out to a plan. You have the choice to say yes or no at every moment. That's all.
Cora & PK together:
I give my answer along side yours below:
Cora: I’ve always been a believer in atheism. Thus there is no room for luck, fate, fortune, destiny, superstition, religion, god in my scheme of things.
PK: Fine let's base our conversation on this belief. But then why block or limit yourself by any belief? A belief maybe true or not; so let's go by our experiences. Let us say you get introduced to somebody at the office - then you meet the person again. Out of the blue an offer of promotion and change is made which is to your liking. Now this situation is not of your making although your charm and attitudes would have been greatly the elements that made it happen.
How would you explain the chance meeting?
Cora: So what I'm trying to say is that much of what happens in anyone's life is pretty much either their own doing (being lazy or arrogant), or someone else's action (being opportunistic or large-hearted) or has a scientific explanation to it (drought, famine, etc)
PK: These are definitely very important factors and behind all action taken or not taken. But where did the situation come from in the first place wherein these factors came into play?
Cora: When I started hearing about the universe's energies i didn't find any scientific evaluation for this theory nor any human contribution and hence my line of questioning.
PK: Science? Its purview is limited to the material world? How can it explain everything? That would make every scientist into an absolute Brahma!
Cora:
If we go by this example, then the answer for me is rather simple.
The person joined my company out of his/her willingness or someone else's decision (i strongly believe that when people say 'I didn't decide about it, things just fell into place" it means that someone else has acted for you)
The 'chance' meeting is 2 people's intentions and efforts to meet. Here again I could've chosen to avoid meeting the person due to other issues at hand. By choosing to meet this 'influential' person and appearing interested and enthusiastic I have favored a good result for myself. Thankfully for me the other person has also accepted it in the same attitude and reciprocated positively. Let’s accept it, unless there is a vested interest from either parties, promotions and moves don't come around at the drop of a hat. So it comes to conclude that all things that happen are on accord of your doing or someone else's or scientific. There’s no such thing as the 'chance' meeting or the 'favorable' time.
Situations come from thought and action leading to more thought and action and situations.
If science or man or nature doesn't have an answer to the theory of universal energy, then i think what we mean is the collective energy of human thought and action.
Brahma and science, at the end of the day, are man's discoveries, one to bow before and the other to rule with.
PK:
If you are comfortable with this then it is quite the right explanation
Cora:
Can you site a personal example where you believe you or anyone around had no hand in the situation that came upon you?
PK:
It is how you take it. There is always a chain of action and reaction that can be traced in every event. It is how you interpret it; which depends on your beliefs.
People believed the earth is flat or the earth is the centre of the solar system etc. Fine. It did not change anything.
All actions and results are not immediate and therefore not obvious. The human mind tends to see only the obvious.
But when gratitude seeps into your character, you become more generous in your thinking. You see a bigger and vaster field of action.
As for examples, it would be difficult to show you the Universe at work because you would find excuses and reasons not to see it in your present frame of mind.
Let me give you some instances anyway:
I was living alone. No telephone. No servants. One day I suddenly get 104 fever and am absolutely incapacitated. I did not have the ready cash to go to a doctor in hand (these were the times when there were no ATMs or mobiles)... I was there, in bed and asking for the Universe to work it out. A friend, whom I knew only randomly and who had never visited me before, appeared in his car, took me to a doctor, took care of all the money part, brought me back and went away. He has never visited me again.
Once I was just recovering from a bout of food poisoning. I desired to eat a rassagolla. The feeling just happened to be there. A friend came by with rassagollas. Just like that.
I attribute it to the Universe. You can attribute the incidences to your own logic. I don’t think it matters one way or the other to the Universe.
Cora:
I'm undergoing a life-altering phase right now. No amount of thought and action seems to help. I would like to explore if I sit back and let the universe take over, will things be sorted out. It’s that missing piece of the puzzle that I'm desperately hunting for.
Needless to say I do not hold your thought responsible if this doesn't turn out true for me. Like you said it could just be a matter of core belief.
Thanks a ton, for this perspective Pradeep. I do hope someday I can see the world through your shades too. Cause though I can't fully accept it right now, it does seem quite enlightening.
PK:
First feel grateful for all the positive things you have.
Then stop to rest for a while in the pursuance of your goals.
To listen to the Universe, Silence is needed.
The din in your head has to be quietened.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Brute husbands
Some of you maybe interested in the conversation below.
Thanks & Regards
PK :
Dear PK,
Do you have a solution (to change in a systematic manner) for tackling with and surviving husbands who bully and shout at wives at the drop of a hat? They just look for mistakes only all the time and never miss an opportunity to shout and insult. This way the dignity of the wife is not respected. I know this man comes from a house where his mother, even at the age of 70, gets shouted at all the time by his father. He has been raised this way. They think this is manly behavior. At time he is raises his hand and causes physical hurt in various ways. One is left with no choice than to complain with police but most of the times I've noticed in most cases even the police don't take it seriously as these men are connected.
Is there a possibility of bringing some sense to these relationships? Even if the wife doesn't react these guys become irritated and go on using abusive word and provoke intentionally. I agree with you as I too know for sure that (your words)"I have often felt that many people are actually looking for a good scrape. This is how they revalidate themselves."
But I am talking about cases where even without the fault of others they misuse their positions.
Looking for guidance.
From a level-headed general view, your question would be replied like this:
What you describe is a fait accompli. The cast has solidified and change is not possible. Some cosmetic changes maybe possible if the husbands cooperate but the basic nature of the men is strongly embedded with certain habits and will not change. Any efforts at change will only produce very opposite reactions and contradictory results.
The husbands have evolved into what they are and who will show them the error of their ways and how?
They have willing women who stick to them nevertheless. Why should they change? They are quite happy as they are. Humans normally do not think or want to bring in change in themselves after their personalities have formed. After the age of 21 or so it is more a question of proving themselves and they will put all their effort in it - never in change.
Societal pressure can bring in some restraint but most societies are too lazy to enforce anything. Nobody wants get embroiled in other's problems. Specially if it concerns the authority of men then of course all men collectively will support their dominance.
Human nature is such that it will justify itself and try to prove that the fault is always of the other guy - in this case of the women. Who will contradict them or get into an argument to prove them wrong or whatever?
The police always treat it as an internal family matter. For frankly, they cannot really do anything except lock up the men on charges of battery and assault – if the women bring in this charge and there is physical, medically proven hurt to show which will stand up in court. Battering women is manly sport and the mindset of the police in India is no different.
What are the women doing? Do they realize they are tacitly approving the behavior of their men? Sure, the question does come up if they have any options in life open to them to take any kind of action; we have to understand their fear of losing the roof over their heads and finding themselves abandoned in the wild of the streets.
I have always felt that most people are where they are because they have sort of agreed to their state. Otherwise they would do something about it. Unless they crave for a change and make the first moves, nothing can be done.
Now what can we do for these women? Do the women have any ideas?
The only medicine these men will understand is force bruter than their own. Is this an advisable route? Where and how to generate this force? Fear is the key here. If we can instill fear in them of severe repercussions, we might open a window into their personas that would force them to act otherwise.
Oh How I wish I could take a few bouncers with me and give them a good dunking and put some fear of god into them.
Then please also see the other side of the picture. Women are no angels. Relationships normally begin on a rosy note. They deteriorate later because women do not realize that the man who is initially totally under her spell will one day wake up. By then women tend to pick up habits or patterns of behavior of their own within the relationship. They start expecting too much. Later when the attraction of their charms has waned, their habits like sulking, pouting and not paying attention to anything but their own wants & wishes can be severe irritants.
When arguments result, which is unavoidable, both take rigid stands as if their positions are inviolate. Resentments start to get entrenched in their respective memories. From this point on, the relationship becomes antagonistic.
Counseling should come in at this stage. Fear of God and kindness of dispositions & other considerations can do a lot to save the situation. But where these are missing, selfishness and arrogance will have their full play and only the worst can be imagined.
Thanks & Regards
PK :
Dear PK,
Do you have a solution (to change in a systematic manner) for tackling with and surviving husbands who bully and shout at wives at the drop of a hat? They just look for mistakes only all the time and never miss an opportunity to shout and insult. This way the dignity of the wife is not respected. I know this man comes from a house where his mother, even at the age of 70, gets shouted at all the time by his father. He has been raised this way. They think this is manly behavior. At time he is raises his hand and causes physical hurt in various ways. One is left with no choice than to complain with police but most of the times I've noticed in most cases even the police don't take it seriously as these men are connected.
Is there a possibility of bringing some sense to these relationships? Even if the wife doesn't react these guys become irritated and go on using abusive word and provoke intentionally. I agree with you as I too know for sure that (your words)"I have often felt that many people are actually looking for a good scrape. This is how they revalidate themselves."
But I am talking about cases where even without the fault of others they misuse their positions.
Looking for guidance.
From a level-headed general view, your question would be replied like this:
What you describe is a fait accompli. The cast has solidified and change is not possible. Some cosmetic changes maybe possible if the husbands cooperate but the basic nature of the men is strongly embedded with certain habits and will not change. Any efforts at change will only produce very opposite reactions and contradictory results.
The husbands have evolved into what they are and who will show them the error of their ways and how?
They have willing women who stick to them nevertheless. Why should they change? They are quite happy as they are. Humans normally do not think or want to bring in change in themselves after their personalities have formed. After the age of 21 or so it is more a question of proving themselves and they will put all their effort in it - never in change.
Societal pressure can bring in some restraint but most societies are too lazy to enforce anything. Nobody wants get embroiled in other's problems. Specially if it concerns the authority of men then of course all men collectively will support their dominance.
Human nature is such that it will justify itself and try to prove that the fault is always of the other guy - in this case of the women. Who will contradict them or get into an argument to prove them wrong or whatever?
The police always treat it as an internal family matter. For frankly, they cannot really do anything except lock up the men on charges of battery and assault – if the women bring in this charge and there is physical, medically proven hurt to show which will stand up in court. Battering women is manly sport and the mindset of the police in India is no different.
What are the women doing? Do they realize they are tacitly approving the behavior of their men? Sure, the question does come up if they have any options in life open to them to take any kind of action; we have to understand their fear of losing the roof over their heads and finding themselves abandoned in the wild of the streets.
I have always felt that most people are where they are because they have sort of agreed to their state. Otherwise they would do something about it. Unless they crave for a change and make the first moves, nothing can be done.
Now what can we do for these women? Do the women have any ideas?
The only medicine these men will understand is force bruter than their own. Is this an advisable route? Where and how to generate this force? Fear is the key here. If we can instill fear in them of severe repercussions, we might open a window into their personas that would force them to act otherwise.
Oh How I wish I could take a few bouncers with me and give them a good dunking and put some fear of god into them.
Then please also see the other side of the picture. Women are no angels. Relationships normally begin on a rosy note. They deteriorate later because women do not realize that the man who is initially totally under her spell will one day wake up. By then women tend to pick up habits or patterns of behavior of their own within the relationship. They start expecting too much. Later when the attraction of their charms has waned, their habits like sulking, pouting and not paying attention to anything but their own wants & wishes can be severe irritants.
When arguments result, which is unavoidable, both take rigid stands as if their positions are inviolate. Resentments start to get entrenched in their respective memories. From this point on, the relationship becomes antagonistic.
Counseling should come in at this stage. Fear of God and kindness of dispositions & other considerations can do a lot to save the situation. But where these are missing, selfishness and arrogance will have their full play and only the worst can be imagined.
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