THE CASE FOR MORE HOLIDAYS.
The Indian is not a hard worker. He will never work himself to the bone. The concept of the nose-to-the-grinding-wheel is terribly alien to him. He believes in fate, luck and even though everything boils down to karma, he conveniently overlooks the point of his own effort.
Cleverness is the hallmark; not intelligence. We prepare our kids well for this. The parents do everything for him so the idea that he can take control of his life never even vaguely passes him by. Then at school the teachers want to him to learn by rote and never ask a question which is simply seen as an argumentative disposition. The Govt then stepped in and gave him a protective Big brother embrace with a secure job and no responsibility. To this cauldron add the tendency to cheat on the side which makes us very amenable to reason when requested with a packet under the table.
The Authorities continue to believe in the inscrutability of the Indian’s honesty; especially when he becomes an employee of the President of India. In contrast the rest of the population remains a lot of incurable scoundrels, selling the country down the river.
Everyday, a show is put on by millions of Indians of going to their workplaces, and doing their little bit to take the country forward. Tonnes of fuel are used up in vehicles to transport these zealous workers to the workplace and back resulting in pollution, sickness from fatigue, accidents, medical bills, and at the office - inflated telephone bills, electricity bills and so on so forth. And what have we to show for all this? – A totally disgruntled “praja”, with curses from both sides of the table. The Praja, wanting the President’s employee to do his part whereas the employee revolts on this attempt to curtail his constitutional right of freedom from work’s tyranny.
We want a happy country; right? Why not have more holidays? All the excesses mentioned in the last para will take on a positive note. The exchequer will save millions, thousands of liters of fuels will be saved, pollution will be drastically reduced, there will be less sickness and the pressures on the medical services will more than half, there will be electricity in excess and water also. In one go, we will enter a period of plenty. The work will still be done as it is done with considerations under the table being negotiated in the cafes, restaurants and homes. The stress levels will plane out. There will be less strife and the courts will see fewer quarrels to deal with.
The economy will not suffer. The same amount of money will be floating and doing the rounds changing hands in the market place. I see an exponential growth in trading and therefore manufacturing and therefore in the gross national product and therefore in the per capita income and therefore in the collected taxes. I would even go to the limit and suggest that we work only on Mon, Tue, Thu and Fridays. Our present productivity levels are really not any higher anyway. With lesser interference from the administrative idiots, there will be less of impinging on the rights of the common man to lead his simple life. And, of course smiling faces will replace the care-worn ones of today.
.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Fear of rejection
Fear of rejection
The way I would approach this subject is by analyzing the two words first. Why are we afraid at all? It is the opposite of courage. So you have had the gumption to attempt something; this is very fine; rather you should be proud to have stepped outside the comfort zone. And if you are afraid, then it means that a wish is attached to the action. Is that true?
Life comes in two hues; Black and white and hundreds of shades in between and then there all the colors and millions of combinations and shades of these colors. Did you really expect that life would be one roller coaster ride where all you have to do is wish and your fairy Godmother would make it come true? This is awfully unrealistic and terribly childish.
Let us examine this subject from a realistic point of view with some not so hypothetical instances to illustrate the point. A highly learned teacher with a lot of experience goes to a school for a job for which he is more than qualified. But the job goes to a younger lady. The poor man can take this as a rejection and also as a confirmation of the moving ahead of the wheel of life. In the game of life and the truth behind this incident, there is the fact that the school is a business. The administration wants younger people to work hard and daylong. Then as children are involved, there is this notion that ladies are kinder and softer in their approaches; which may or not be true but it is real fact that we have to live with. Then as the teacher need is for classes well below the qualifications offered by the learned teacher, he is not really required. So the great expert is not given the job. Does this qualify as rejection? No, not at all. It is just the quirks of life at play. There are more than a couple of factors at play in life. The more qualified teacher should not take this personally and not bring his vanity into play. Rather, he should take this as an eye-opener and look for greener pastures and I would add improve himself for a greater destiny.
Lately a little downturn in the economy has prompted many companies to downsize with many people suddenly finding them selves back to square one. They can’t take this personally. It is definitely depressing and the future with all the commitments at stake is in jeopardy; at least as was visualized. But then life does not move in a straight line. The fear if any is surely from the fact that certain financial commitments had been put into place and now the lack of an income would destabilize the entire thing. In all simplicity I presume to ask, did you plan for not having a job? Let us say you bought a car on loan which you had planned to pay for as you went along and now this retrenchment falls like a block of bricks on your head. The fear is that either you will have to return the car and lose all the money already paid for or pay for it from your reserves if any. The running of the car is also an expensive proposition. Also here is the image problem. What will everyone think? Now let us speak in realistic terms: Your plans for your life were unrealistic. You were spending money which you had not. You were aiming for things that were not yours as yet by right. And the fear of being ridiculed is purely vanity at work.
There is additionally a positive side to fear. If we are not comfortable with things as they are, we strive to change. We make efforts to upgrade our abilities and think creatively and explore many other possibilities which we would have not done otherwise. This results in an educative process which benefits us greatly and will stand by us more than anything else in the world in times of crisis.
In relationships “Fear” takes a slightly different coloring although the shapes being colored are the same. Our vanity asks us to modulate our behavior and we then present ourselves to the liking of others and their appreciation. In our zeal to impress we present a very false persona. We are being untrue; to ourselves and to the other. Sooner or later, the other person will see thru the machinations. And if the other is a wizened, experienced person, he will see it immediately. This is manipulation which can never have a good ending; we bluff, huff and puff and blow our own house down. If we get hurt in the process, we alone are totally to blame. In relationships, if we were truer, honest and candid, we would not pose nor compromise our feelings at every step. We would have the courage to say NO when we want to and only YES when we really mean it. We would also pay attention and listen to the other, especially when the other is trying to say NO.
In the final analysis there is nothing to fear but to strive is. You are you and you should take yourself positively but with a pinch of salt. The anxieties and pain come from the ‘wants” we impose on ourselves with finicky attitudes so all we need to do is de-complicate our lives.
The way I would approach this subject is by analyzing the two words first. Why are we afraid at all? It is the opposite of courage. So you have had the gumption to attempt something; this is very fine; rather you should be proud to have stepped outside the comfort zone. And if you are afraid, then it means that a wish is attached to the action. Is that true?
Life comes in two hues; Black and white and hundreds of shades in between and then there all the colors and millions of combinations and shades of these colors. Did you really expect that life would be one roller coaster ride where all you have to do is wish and your fairy Godmother would make it come true? This is awfully unrealistic and terribly childish.
Let us examine this subject from a realistic point of view with some not so hypothetical instances to illustrate the point. A highly learned teacher with a lot of experience goes to a school for a job for which he is more than qualified. But the job goes to a younger lady. The poor man can take this as a rejection and also as a confirmation of the moving ahead of the wheel of life. In the game of life and the truth behind this incident, there is the fact that the school is a business. The administration wants younger people to work hard and daylong. Then as children are involved, there is this notion that ladies are kinder and softer in their approaches; which may or not be true but it is real fact that we have to live with. Then as the teacher need is for classes well below the qualifications offered by the learned teacher, he is not really required. So the great expert is not given the job. Does this qualify as rejection? No, not at all. It is just the quirks of life at play. There are more than a couple of factors at play in life. The more qualified teacher should not take this personally and not bring his vanity into play. Rather, he should take this as an eye-opener and look for greener pastures and I would add improve himself for a greater destiny.
Lately a little downturn in the economy has prompted many companies to downsize with many people suddenly finding them selves back to square one. They can’t take this personally. It is definitely depressing and the future with all the commitments at stake is in jeopardy; at least as was visualized. But then life does not move in a straight line. The fear if any is surely from the fact that certain financial commitments had been put into place and now the lack of an income would destabilize the entire thing. In all simplicity I presume to ask, did you plan for not having a job? Let us say you bought a car on loan which you had planned to pay for as you went along and now this retrenchment falls like a block of bricks on your head. The fear is that either you will have to return the car and lose all the money already paid for or pay for it from your reserves if any. The running of the car is also an expensive proposition. Also here is the image problem. What will everyone think? Now let us speak in realistic terms: Your plans for your life were unrealistic. You were spending money which you had not. You were aiming for things that were not yours as yet by right. And the fear of being ridiculed is purely vanity at work.
There is additionally a positive side to fear. If we are not comfortable with things as they are, we strive to change. We make efforts to upgrade our abilities and think creatively and explore many other possibilities which we would have not done otherwise. This results in an educative process which benefits us greatly and will stand by us more than anything else in the world in times of crisis.
In relationships “Fear” takes a slightly different coloring although the shapes being colored are the same. Our vanity asks us to modulate our behavior and we then present ourselves to the liking of others and their appreciation. In our zeal to impress we present a very false persona. We are being untrue; to ourselves and to the other. Sooner or later, the other person will see thru the machinations. And if the other is a wizened, experienced person, he will see it immediately. This is manipulation which can never have a good ending; we bluff, huff and puff and blow our own house down. If we get hurt in the process, we alone are totally to blame. In relationships, if we were truer, honest and candid, we would not pose nor compromise our feelings at every step. We would have the courage to say NO when we want to and only YES when we really mean it. We would also pay attention and listen to the other, especially when the other is trying to say NO.
In the final analysis there is nothing to fear but to strive is. You are you and you should take yourself positively but with a pinch of salt. The anxieties and pain come from the ‘wants” we impose on ourselves with finicky attitudes so all we need to do is de-complicate our lives.
Friday, December 19, 2008
Taking notes
Taking Notes.
Some reflections have been heavy on my mind lately. With the information-overload and the speed now available to us, this question has taken a serious importance. Some time ago I was reading some Zen writings and one thing that was made clear is the nature of the human mind as a collector. We love to collect things, data, memories and brick-bats. A student asked me why we should not read all that comes to hand and this is what I responded with: The human mind at its present level of development is a collector. It collects data for data's sake. It also feels very knowledgeable and can spout quotes and passages on every subject and considers itself wise. To himself he is awesome and often wonders why others cannot see it this way. Often the ego over inflates and all further seeking stops. The mind takes the mantle of teacher and guide and wherever possible will “control” all around it. But then all this focus on statistical info, data of all sorts, end in attempt to codify and arrange it all in a reasonable pattern; and this blocks it. So read as much as you can but do not end up focusing more on your collection of books than learning from them.
Then this morning I read this quote by Chuck Palahniuk which took my breath away as it confirmed my own reading of making the most of this life given to us: “ The best way to waste your life……is by taking notes. The easiest way to avoid living is to just watch. Look for the details. Report. Don’t participate.”
I remember something like The Mother of Pondicherry saying that one should act first and think later. In strict opposition the world advises to think before leaping and serious reflection etc. So here was a contradiction in terms. Why are people spending so much time in planning then? Later it became clear. In plans and projects on the worldly plane planning is necessary for correct implementation. The decision taking part is where this reflection comes in; if we reflect too much, then we may never do it. The same applies in personal lives. If we think, plan and debate too long we may end up not doing anything at all. At the spiritual level where I suppose the advice of The Mother is really valid, we then avoid the experience which will bring us wisdom and enlightenment.
There is an age in our lives when we do want to learn and better ourselves. We read, collect quotes and books which go into the drawer/folders and on shelves and never see the light again. We then get busy with our lives, families and other things. Then age begins to catch up. Our collections grow waiting for the right time and free time to catch up with all this. Rarely if at all the time ever comes. The truth then hits us; either we do it now or forget it – the moment is lost forever. What is not put into practice is dead info.
Coming back to the material plane and our day to day existence, tons of goods are lying in stores in homes and offices. Deemed useful and needed at a particular time but later left to rot in a dusty corner; all but forgotten; and what about the people? Most of them are happy with their own selves. Just go behind the words and see things from a higher perspective and you will see that most of them are putting up a worked-up facade to be seen as knowledgeable and virtuous. I firmly believe that when there is not a "live" question, the answers have no meaning. If you see and compare the result of the work of the amount of pragmatic thoughts, guidance and philosophy that is available and being made available thru media of all kinds, one does tend to wonder for a second if it is changing their thinking and acting patterns? Are they applying any of it in their actions and lives? I do not believe they do. Wake-up calls are taken only when a crisis develops.
Thanks & Regards
PK
http://sites.google.com/site/thefourmothers/
http://sites.google.com/site/pkcentreforchange/Home
Some reflections have been heavy on my mind lately. With the information-overload and the speed now available to us, this question has taken a serious importance. Some time ago I was reading some Zen writings and one thing that was made clear is the nature of the human mind as a collector. We love to collect things, data, memories and brick-bats. A student asked me why we should not read all that comes to hand and this is what I responded with: The human mind at its present level of development is a collector. It collects data for data's sake. It also feels very knowledgeable and can spout quotes and passages on every subject and considers itself wise. To himself he is awesome and often wonders why others cannot see it this way. Often the ego over inflates and all further seeking stops. The mind takes the mantle of teacher and guide and wherever possible will “control” all around it. But then all this focus on statistical info, data of all sorts, end in attempt to codify and arrange it all in a reasonable pattern; and this blocks it. So read as much as you can but do not end up focusing more on your collection of books than learning from them.
Then this morning I read this quote by Chuck Palahniuk which took my breath away as it confirmed my own reading of making the most of this life given to us: “ The best way to waste your life……is by taking notes. The easiest way to avoid living is to just watch. Look for the details. Report. Don’t participate.”
I remember something like The Mother of Pondicherry saying that one should act first and think later. In strict opposition the world advises to think before leaping and serious reflection etc. So here was a contradiction in terms. Why are people spending so much time in planning then? Later it became clear. In plans and projects on the worldly plane planning is necessary for correct implementation. The decision taking part is where this reflection comes in; if we reflect too much, then we may never do it. The same applies in personal lives. If we think, plan and debate too long we may end up not doing anything at all. At the spiritual level where I suppose the advice of The Mother is really valid, we then avoid the experience which will bring us wisdom and enlightenment.
There is an age in our lives when we do want to learn and better ourselves. We read, collect quotes and books which go into the drawer/folders and on shelves and never see the light again. We then get busy with our lives, families and other things. Then age begins to catch up. Our collections grow waiting for the right time and free time to catch up with all this. Rarely if at all the time ever comes. The truth then hits us; either we do it now or forget it – the moment is lost forever. What is not put into practice is dead info.
Coming back to the material plane and our day to day existence, tons of goods are lying in stores in homes and offices. Deemed useful and needed at a particular time but later left to rot in a dusty corner; all but forgotten; and what about the people? Most of them are happy with their own selves. Just go behind the words and see things from a higher perspective and you will see that most of them are putting up a worked-up facade to be seen as knowledgeable and virtuous. I firmly believe that when there is not a "live" question, the answers have no meaning. If you see and compare the result of the work of the amount of pragmatic thoughts, guidance and philosophy that is available and being made available thru media of all kinds, one does tend to wonder for a second if it is changing their thinking and acting patterns? Are they applying any of it in their actions and lives? I do not believe they do. Wake-up calls are taken only when a crisis develops.
Thanks & Regards
PK
http://sites.google.com/site/thefourmothers/
http://sites.google.com/site/pkcentreforchange/Home
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Resolved
Resolved, Signed and Sealed.
Let us see; are we going to take the coming of the New Year as an excuse for revelry or while we have drunk ourselves to the ground we might even take on the onerous task of some introspection which should result in some resolutions to be made. I fear that the resolve to stick to resolutions lasts only up to the second drink. But this is not going to stop every individual who takes the coming of the New Year seriously to make definite resolves, sign it and seal it as a document of great import and intent.
It is another thing that the document maybe trashed in the very first week of the year. Then why do we make these resolutions? Are we basically insincere?
Well, No. There is nothing insincere about it. Look at it with a little compassion and understanding. This is the only time of the year that I get the opportunity to take my friend’s wife in my arms with any kind of abandon; we are all allowing ourselves big margins of freedom from daily self-control. This is the time for fun and one takes what one can. And if to impress her I have to announce some resolutions, why not? Who would be coming to check on me anyway?
Talking about insincerity, I must really take offense. How can you talk to me like this? I am a responsible person. I take my job, family and other responsibilities seriously. It is just this little habit of smoking that I find difficult to quit. What with all the stress all these people create around me. My bosses are screaming for things to be done yesterday and the whole office is under the impression that I am slacker. When I reach home the litany of woes is the first thing I hear. Well, of course I understand that taking care of all the household chores and the three kids can fray the nerves of my wife but then what can I do? I bring in the moolah and go thru the squeezer without complaining so why is she nagging? The whole problem in this life is the lack of understanding I have to tolerate from all these selfish people. Oh How I wish there was a way around all this? I did spend three nights at the hospital with our son did I not? Does that not count for anything?
Well in my home I am the boss is it not? So after weathering the storm outside, if I take on a smoke or even a chota peg, am I out of line? I had a bad day at the office. My boss won’t understand the problems I have with my juniors. I did not employ them or choose them but I have to get work out of them. I shout and push but these people are so mule like. God; life is unfair.
Ok. This is the last day of the year and a good farewell party to the year has been organized at the office. After all it is considered auspicious to ring in the New Year on a happy note, so it is imperative I be there. I know I will get sloshed with all this imported whiskey being pushed under my nose, but then this is just once a year and one should not be a stuffed shirt anyway; don’t you think?
Good, then! I resolve to cut down on my smoking, drinking even the occasional type, keep a more reasonable attitude towards my colleagues and wife. I will try not to lose my temper and instead of pushing people around I will try to cajole them. I will definitely get into the meditation circle in the office and try to see things from a calmer perspective. Perhaps spend some time regularly at the gym too. If only these idiot drivers would stop honking and try to overtake me at every bend I could think things over more deeply!! God..this cellphone….am I never to know peace from this infernal instrument.
And then; why focus on my resolutions and change so much? Why can’t you resolve not to irritate me a little less? Am I asking too much?
Let us see; are we going to take the coming of the New Year as an excuse for revelry or while we have drunk ourselves to the ground we might even take on the onerous task of some introspection which should result in some resolutions to be made. I fear that the resolve to stick to resolutions lasts only up to the second drink. But this is not going to stop every individual who takes the coming of the New Year seriously to make definite resolves, sign it and seal it as a document of great import and intent.
It is another thing that the document maybe trashed in the very first week of the year. Then why do we make these resolutions? Are we basically insincere?
Well, No. There is nothing insincere about it. Look at it with a little compassion and understanding. This is the only time of the year that I get the opportunity to take my friend’s wife in my arms with any kind of abandon; we are all allowing ourselves big margins of freedom from daily self-control. This is the time for fun and one takes what one can. And if to impress her I have to announce some resolutions, why not? Who would be coming to check on me anyway?
Talking about insincerity, I must really take offense. How can you talk to me like this? I am a responsible person. I take my job, family and other responsibilities seriously. It is just this little habit of smoking that I find difficult to quit. What with all the stress all these people create around me. My bosses are screaming for things to be done yesterday and the whole office is under the impression that I am slacker. When I reach home the litany of woes is the first thing I hear. Well, of course I understand that taking care of all the household chores and the three kids can fray the nerves of my wife but then what can I do? I bring in the moolah and go thru the squeezer without complaining so why is she nagging? The whole problem in this life is the lack of understanding I have to tolerate from all these selfish people. Oh How I wish there was a way around all this? I did spend three nights at the hospital with our son did I not? Does that not count for anything?
Well in my home I am the boss is it not? So after weathering the storm outside, if I take on a smoke or even a chota peg, am I out of line? I had a bad day at the office. My boss won’t understand the problems I have with my juniors. I did not employ them or choose them but I have to get work out of them. I shout and push but these people are so mule like. God; life is unfair.
Ok. This is the last day of the year and a good farewell party to the year has been organized at the office. After all it is considered auspicious to ring in the New Year on a happy note, so it is imperative I be there. I know I will get sloshed with all this imported whiskey being pushed under my nose, but then this is just once a year and one should not be a stuffed shirt anyway; don’t you think?
Good, then! I resolve to cut down on my smoking, drinking even the occasional type, keep a more reasonable attitude towards my colleagues and wife. I will try not to lose my temper and instead of pushing people around I will try to cajole them. I will definitely get into the meditation circle in the office and try to see things from a calmer perspective. Perhaps spend some time regularly at the gym too. If only these idiot drivers would stop honking and try to overtake me at every bend I could think things over more deeply!! God..this cellphone….am I never to know peace from this infernal instrument.
And then; why focus on my resolutions and change so much? Why can’t you resolve not to irritate me a little less? Am I asking too much?
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Love and contradiction
Contradicting Lovingly
When I was young, in college and still sorting out the everyday contradictions in terms of human relationships, one of the features of my life was to understand the attitude of my parents towards me. From one angle it was clear that I was precious to them and from another angle, they seem to take me for a nincompoop. At one end of the spectrum I was supposed to do them proud by coming up to some standards that were never clearly defined while at the same time I was not supposed to show any initiative and do what I was told. On this point the directions were clear: as if the parents were saying “We are here and know what is best for you. We are doing the thinking for you, all that is needed will be provided; you; just be a nice, sweet chubby child, the apple of our eyes.” As if they had never bargained for the child to grow and assert some of his own personality.
When this time did come, it changed into a period of confrontation. It became a competition between two diametrically opposite tendencies. One set in their ways, afraid of change and the other experimenting and exploring, feeding and thriving on change. Eventually the situation came to a pass where all listening came to a stop. Every sentence of my father began with a “NO”. This puzzled me to no end and unfortunately nobody was giving me the right honest answers either.
Then one day I went to somebody’s house and there I saw a sticker. It showed an older cranky looking man shouting at an obviously younger child: “The answer is No. Now what did you want?” This was the beginning of wisdom finally coming into my life. I realized that a sticker made in the USA, if so universal in its character, is floating around then certainly this attitude of my parents which was puzzling me, is more universally prevalent than is honestly accepted. A little more close observation of all the parents around me, backed by reading The Reader’s Digest made the answers come tumbling into my life.
Today into my late adult life, I am astonished to see how much this tendency to negate and contradict permeates life in general. As I see it, the seeds are sown when the child is growing into an adult and the parents are not grasping this fact in its entirety. They want to protect him and shield him. In their zeal they don’t want him to act at all, as if this way they can protect him from all adversity. The child on the other hand begins first by seething inside and then hiding his true self and living a double life; so to say. The parents get more and more strongly into the denying and the child starts even more vehemently saying No to it. Is it any wonder that the adult who results is afraid that his life will be taken over and therefore learns to say No to everything. His relationships are all difficult; whatever kind it may be- professional, amicable or amorous. This way he gets into a perennial “denial” mode. This perverted character then gets passed on from generation to generation.
Look around closely. How often do you see people agreeing and accepting each other and in comparison how often we are crossing each other out?
I remember when I was just entering teenage; I was trying to paint a sunset. My father’s comment on seeing my attempts was that I being a child should try to paint subjects more suitable to my age. But I kept on which upset him and finally got what I wanted, appreciated by others or not. In my case the story has a happy ending. Eventually, many years later, I painted a canvas which before even it was dry; my father took it and hung it in his room. This was appreciation of a high order.
Fate had a hand in my upbringing. I had the good luck to grow into an adult far away from the restrictive and limited scope of my home. I had an international exposure and had teachers who were always listening and ready to help me find the answers to MY questions; without the bias of social norms restricting our exchanges.
Yet sadly my father never got over his habit of taking the opposite side to any exchange of idea, conversation or suggestion. It was so sad. I wanted so much to converse and share my life with him. But he would not accept me as anything but his child who should in all good sense let him run his life. He never outgrew my childhood and this contradiction always showed in his behavior.
Thanks & Regards PK
http://sites.google.com/site/thefourmothers/
http://sites.google.com/site/pkcentreforchange/Home
When I was young, in college and still sorting out the everyday contradictions in terms of human relationships, one of the features of my life was to understand the attitude of my parents towards me. From one angle it was clear that I was precious to them and from another angle, they seem to take me for a nincompoop. At one end of the spectrum I was supposed to do them proud by coming up to some standards that were never clearly defined while at the same time I was not supposed to show any initiative and do what I was told. On this point the directions were clear: as if the parents were saying “We are here and know what is best for you. We are doing the thinking for you, all that is needed will be provided; you; just be a nice, sweet chubby child, the apple of our eyes.” As if they had never bargained for the child to grow and assert some of his own personality.
When this time did come, it changed into a period of confrontation. It became a competition between two diametrically opposite tendencies. One set in their ways, afraid of change and the other experimenting and exploring, feeding and thriving on change. Eventually the situation came to a pass where all listening came to a stop. Every sentence of my father began with a “NO”. This puzzled me to no end and unfortunately nobody was giving me the right honest answers either.
Then one day I went to somebody’s house and there I saw a sticker. It showed an older cranky looking man shouting at an obviously younger child: “The answer is No. Now what did you want?” This was the beginning of wisdom finally coming into my life. I realized that a sticker made in the USA, if so universal in its character, is floating around then certainly this attitude of my parents which was puzzling me, is more universally prevalent than is honestly accepted. A little more close observation of all the parents around me, backed by reading The Reader’s Digest made the answers come tumbling into my life.
Today into my late adult life, I am astonished to see how much this tendency to negate and contradict permeates life in general. As I see it, the seeds are sown when the child is growing into an adult and the parents are not grasping this fact in its entirety. They want to protect him and shield him. In their zeal they don’t want him to act at all, as if this way they can protect him from all adversity. The child on the other hand begins first by seething inside and then hiding his true self and living a double life; so to say. The parents get more and more strongly into the denying and the child starts even more vehemently saying No to it. Is it any wonder that the adult who results is afraid that his life will be taken over and therefore learns to say No to everything. His relationships are all difficult; whatever kind it may be- professional, amicable or amorous. This way he gets into a perennial “denial” mode. This perverted character then gets passed on from generation to generation.
Look around closely. How often do you see people agreeing and accepting each other and in comparison how often we are crossing each other out?
I remember when I was just entering teenage; I was trying to paint a sunset. My father’s comment on seeing my attempts was that I being a child should try to paint subjects more suitable to my age. But I kept on which upset him and finally got what I wanted, appreciated by others or not. In my case the story has a happy ending. Eventually, many years later, I painted a canvas which before even it was dry; my father took it and hung it in his room. This was appreciation of a high order.
Fate had a hand in my upbringing. I had the good luck to grow into an adult far away from the restrictive and limited scope of my home. I had an international exposure and had teachers who were always listening and ready to help me find the answers to MY questions; without the bias of social norms restricting our exchanges.
Yet sadly my father never got over his habit of taking the opposite side to any exchange of idea, conversation or suggestion. It was so sad. I wanted so much to converse and share my life with him. But he would not accept me as anything but his child who should in all good sense let him run his life. He never outgrew my childhood and this contradiction always showed in his behavior.
Thanks & Regards PK
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Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Taciturnity
The Case for Taciturnity
Now that my baby is over one year old, I receive instructions from all including my doctor to focus on teaching my child to articulate words and communicate in a spoken language that we understand. I am asked to repeat certain words and commands so that the child learns faster and we may be able to communicate more easily with the child. Every time we meet a friend or relative, the first question that is posed is “Has she started to speak? Which words can she speak now? Does she say mama, papa? Then their focus switches on to the baby and they start asking her “Where is your nose? Show me your nose?”
What in the name of heaven is the hurry? I have never really understood the need to bring speech so hurriedly and in such quantity and intensity in our lives. The stress on speech and talking is rather exaggerated considering the exchanges I see happening around me. I say that the time has come to consider this factor and stress a little on taciturnity. Let’s bring a little silence in our lives.
As far as the child is concerned, she is already picking up so much from her surroundings that we are amazed at her ability to sponge in. She is communicating perfectly and we understand her. We are acting as gardeners. We are not trying to push the plant into over-growing itself by speeding the process.
I am prompted to pen these lines from two glaring inconveniences that have become part of lives. One is the honking. More often than not there is no reason to honk that I can see of. The red light becomes green and the guy behind me honks; as if I am there for a group meditation session. The taxi that the neighbor has called arrives and the entire neighborhood is regaled with a strident shock of horn blasting. A car is passing though and the thought that the driver’s path may be blocked by seeing another vehicle far away makes them honk; it seems as if any shadow is trigger enough to merit a blast from the driver.
What we need to realize is that this is one method of speech. We are using the horn as an extension of our communicating ability; notwithstanding the fact that we are fully aware of the inconvenience, irritation and noise that we are creating around us because we are in our own turn also at the receiving end from others. But like a baby’s bawls, we insist on being heard and having our way.
The second is the mobile phone. I am just amazed at the continuous talking I see around us. How much can we have to say? Don’t these people get tired of talking? After all, where is all this energy that goes into speech coming from? It has been conclusively proven that talking on the mobile is dangerous when driving but are we able to desist? We go into theatres to enjoy a play, a movie or a music program but keep the mobile phone on. Being connected has become an addiction. Our callousness is so great that we will not stop from disturbing everybody else around us. I suppose we feel that our importance is greater that the other guy’s. Our call needs to be attended to without fail because our importance is simply immeasurable!
When we talk incessantly, don’t we become a bore? Voltaire said: “The secret of being a bore is to tell everything.” This reminds me of a poem that we had in our school and which affected me deeply. It went something like this: “I told her all, I told my all, love that told cannot be………… and then came a stranger, and took her with a sigh.”
Well I refuse to fall in line. I will not blow my horn if I can help it. I will not speed up if it seems dangerous to me. And I will not give you my mobile phone number because I use it only when I am out of the house to stay connected with my mum. And anyway when I am out of my workplace, I am either driving or busy in something else so I would not be interested in talking and be distracted and disturbed. I also follow the rule that visitors will have to shut off the phone at my place as I am not interested in seeing them doing their business while I sit there like a fool watching them; on call to them when they are free to do so!
Now that my baby is over one year old, I receive instructions from all including my doctor to focus on teaching my child to articulate words and communicate in a spoken language that we understand. I am asked to repeat certain words and commands so that the child learns faster and we may be able to communicate more easily with the child. Every time we meet a friend or relative, the first question that is posed is “Has she started to speak? Which words can she speak now? Does she say mama, papa? Then their focus switches on to the baby and they start asking her “Where is your nose? Show me your nose?”
What in the name of heaven is the hurry? I have never really understood the need to bring speech so hurriedly and in such quantity and intensity in our lives. The stress on speech and talking is rather exaggerated considering the exchanges I see happening around me. I say that the time has come to consider this factor and stress a little on taciturnity. Let’s bring a little silence in our lives.
As far as the child is concerned, she is already picking up so much from her surroundings that we are amazed at her ability to sponge in. She is communicating perfectly and we understand her. We are acting as gardeners. We are not trying to push the plant into over-growing itself by speeding the process.
I am prompted to pen these lines from two glaring inconveniences that have become part of lives. One is the honking. More often than not there is no reason to honk that I can see of. The red light becomes green and the guy behind me honks; as if I am there for a group meditation session. The taxi that the neighbor has called arrives and the entire neighborhood is regaled with a strident shock of horn blasting. A car is passing though and the thought that the driver’s path may be blocked by seeing another vehicle far away makes them honk; it seems as if any shadow is trigger enough to merit a blast from the driver.
What we need to realize is that this is one method of speech. We are using the horn as an extension of our communicating ability; notwithstanding the fact that we are fully aware of the inconvenience, irritation and noise that we are creating around us because we are in our own turn also at the receiving end from others. But like a baby’s bawls, we insist on being heard and having our way.
The second is the mobile phone. I am just amazed at the continuous talking I see around us. How much can we have to say? Don’t these people get tired of talking? After all, where is all this energy that goes into speech coming from? It has been conclusively proven that talking on the mobile is dangerous when driving but are we able to desist? We go into theatres to enjoy a play, a movie or a music program but keep the mobile phone on. Being connected has become an addiction. Our callousness is so great that we will not stop from disturbing everybody else around us. I suppose we feel that our importance is greater that the other guy’s. Our call needs to be attended to without fail because our importance is simply immeasurable!
When we talk incessantly, don’t we become a bore? Voltaire said: “The secret of being a bore is to tell everything.” This reminds me of a poem that we had in our school and which affected me deeply. It went something like this: “I told her all, I told my all, love that told cannot be………… and then came a stranger, and took her with a sigh.”
Well I refuse to fall in line. I will not blow my horn if I can help it. I will not speed up if it seems dangerous to me. And I will not give you my mobile phone number because I use it only when I am out of the house to stay connected with my mum. And anyway when I am out of my workplace, I am either driving or busy in something else so I would not be interested in talking and be distracted and disturbed. I also follow the rule that visitors will have to shut off the phone at my place as I am not interested in seeing them doing their business while I sit there like a fool watching them; on call to them when they are free to do so!
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Mating ilemma
THE MATING DILEMMA
There is so much talk of marital discord nowadays. Every journal or TV program is discussing it. My view is that I do not see any special discord that we do not have in our every day lives that necessitates a special name. It is the same old clash of two desire entities that we encounter everyday, everywhere and with everyone, each wanting its own way to the exclusion of consideration for the other. Selfishness and self-centeredness are part of the gifts endowed us by nature and it is my point of view that men and women are not really designed to live together.
Marriage is team-work and this is an acquired trait which has to be learnt and practiced with serious intent. Of course, we complement each other but most of us would be equally happy living alone, content in our own selfish balloons. Modern life has made that dream a real possibility and all are aware of it but there is a big BUT.
Our genes and hormones have a potent force of their own. Destiny which is still running our lives, we may accept it or not, keeps us throwing into contact with attractive people of the opposite sex which gets the desire centers humming. But marriage cannot be an excuse for a romp in bed; anyway as if it matters, even legally or anyone cares. So why the farce?
The Ying and Yang principle is at work in nature. Opposites coexist and attract each other. Observe closely and you will see that by some quirk of fate, every couple is a pairing of two people with opposite tendencies. The Law of Creation takes us to our next level of evolution by the effort we put in to live with each other. We are each other’s teachers.
Clashes will be but we have to learn to see both the ends of the argument and learn to go beyond the obvious and mundane, for there are always some common points of appui as well. The Creator has used the sexual energy well. There is a lure here which serves a dynamic purpose. It keeps repopulating the Mother earth and also helps in realizing the merger of the opposite sides of the same coin in the form of two individuals. It should be best seen as a spiritual discipline.
At the other end of the spectrum is the fact that we cannot all make our bread, tailor our clothes, make our shoes, construct our house and make our cars; so we need other people in our lives. In extension we therefore need a society and if we wish to live within this society, the word teaming-up again appears and we have to accept certain confinements. Therefore it is plain to all to see that life is a huge compromise after all. It’s so galling!
The BUT I was talking about makes its splash here. We are on our best behavior most of the time; continuously adjusting to the pressures of people and circumstances. BUT the moment we cross the threshold of our homes, we find it difficult to make the same compromises in our marriages willingly with a singing heart. Why? It is very well and facile to live when we make short contacts and all go home at the end of the day to our own watering holes, alone in our comfort zones; with the option to keep or break a relationship if we wish to. In marriage we have to be with the same person day in and day out for ever and ever with no respite. Readjustments are in order.
It seems as if the partners are forever saying “Be reasonable. Do it my way”. This when coupled with a tendency to overbear is a formula for disaster. At the back of the mind there is always the dormant thought that we can always part which is no help at all. I belong to the old school. No divorce for me; so a mutually acceptable path has to be found and if there are children from the marriage, no possibility of exit at all. Something was started and it has to be finished. We made our bed and now we need to lie in it. Do we have a right to hurt the person we brought home or run away from the responsibility of raising our children? I wish lawmakers would go back to the old ways and put it into act soon. The effort that has now gone out of relationships would reappear and so much frustration and pain needlessly imposed by humans on themselves could be avoided.
There are even impossible demands when the partners are taken for granted. We need to wake up from this dream. The solution would have been in the compromise attitude but to this we are not prepared to concede. Very good reasons are cited and all very tangible and real. Everything is taken into consideration except the fact that the first point of law is that the marriage has to be maintained at all costs as a garden of joy. It is our marriage and our life. Everything else pales into insignificance. So discord is inevitable unless we are prepared to let go a bit and cross over into the other’s camp and live for the other person. This is said for both men and women and has to be a concerted effort. Personally I find this idea so wonderful. My life is no more a closed box. I let somebody in and a close partnership begins with of course an absolute interdependence. I am not afraid any more of the big bad wolf. This is the beginning of happiness. I do lose a bit of the “I” but win the world. Putting up one’s feet is such a pleasure. We did marry for the small comforts of married life, did we not?
We live much harried lives. What we think, feel and speak about are never the same things. We are hiding so much. There is an accepted perverse insincerity practiced at all moments and at every level of our existence. In the outer world where every man is for himself and wolf eat wolf is the situation, there is much to be said for a bit of charade and hiding away. But, in a marriage? Marriage has to be seen in the light of the common man’s yogic/spiritual journey. It is, whatever you may argue, an evolutionary process in which both the parties including children grow into more matured beings. When you see it in this light, you have to allow the barriers to fall and sincerity has to pervade in the home. Thoughts, feelings and the spoken word will need to be in harmony at all times otherwise chaos and clashes will erupt. Lording over is absolutely out. Cleverness is a no-no. At least aim to reach this level. There will be stumblings, yet wherever this spirit of candid bumbling exists, there will be laughter and rarely any quarrels. The human spirit is a forgiving one, whenever, genuinely, honesty is seeping through, joy prevails.
The other factor which I have seen taking a heavy toll of the quiet life in marriages is the poor quality of communication. Poor language use, bad speech habits and worse, inadvertent habits like speaking from distances or changing the place of things and forgetting to tell. We are also plagued by the sense of right and wrong and get irritated in righteous indignation. This indignation turns easily into a scream like a cracker going off without restraint. Always forgetting that how we deal with the everyday world and how we need to deal in our marriage world are two different things. In marriage it is the team not the individual who matters. We forget it to our pain. Lets never forget if the other party is grating on our nerves, then we are no angels. Have we ever tried to find out how we are grating on other people’s nerves?
We are constantly giving out wrong signals. Utter confusion prevails at the best of times. So first we need to begin by listening a bit more and not reacting to every word that one hears. Not only to words bit those intangible sighs as well and those inconsistencies in behavior patterns. Consider that the other person may be thinking aloud or just uttering the wrong words because of other extraneous circumstances and so many other fears and complexes that run amok in our lives.
Just think it over for a while. Forgive and forget if you have been mildly wronged. Show your appreciation often and learn to remain silent in as many languages you can. Along with this attitude, ask for favors and when the other person asks for it, give them. We do make the mistake of asking favors and wanting instant gratification but when the other person asks for something, we are always busy in our own world and cannot grant any. This will not do. Gratitude needs to be cultivated and practiced a bit more. It is rarer than you would think. Especially in small inconsequent things, which are really the ones which swell into tidal waves.
All that is needed is a little shift in our own orientation to our life and partner. Give and give and take some. Rather you will notice you will get without asking and much more than you could have asked for.
There is so much talk of marital discord nowadays. Every journal or TV program is discussing it. My view is that I do not see any special discord that we do not have in our every day lives that necessitates a special name. It is the same old clash of two desire entities that we encounter everyday, everywhere and with everyone, each wanting its own way to the exclusion of consideration for the other. Selfishness and self-centeredness are part of the gifts endowed us by nature and it is my point of view that men and women are not really designed to live together.
Marriage is team-work and this is an acquired trait which has to be learnt and practiced with serious intent. Of course, we complement each other but most of us would be equally happy living alone, content in our own selfish balloons. Modern life has made that dream a real possibility and all are aware of it but there is a big BUT.
Our genes and hormones have a potent force of their own. Destiny which is still running our lives, we may accept it or not, keeps us throwing into contact with attractive people of the opposite sex which gets the desire centers humming. But marriage cannot be an excuse for a romp in bed; anyway as if it matters, even legally or anyone cares. So why the farce?
The Ying and Yang principle is at work in nature. Opposites coexist and attract each other. Observe closely and you will see that by some quirk of fate, every couple is a pairing of two people with opposite tendencies. The Law of Creation takes us to our next level of evolution by the effort we put in to live with each other. We are each other’s teachers.
Clashes will be but we have to learn to see both the ends of the argument and learn to go beyond the obvious and mundane, for there are always some common points of appui as well. The Creator has used the sexual energy well. There is a lure here which serves a dynamic purpose. It keeps repopulating the Mother earth and also helps in realizing the merger of the opposite sides of the same coin in the form of two individuals. It should be best seen as a spiritual discipline.
At the other end of the spectrum is the fact that we cannot all make our bread, tailor our clothes, make our shoes, construct our house and make our cars; so we need other people in our lives. In extension we therefore need a society and if we wish to live within this society, the word teaming-up again appears and we have to accept certain confinements. Therefore it is plain to all to see that life is a huge compromise after all. It’s so galling!
The BUT I was talking about makes its splash here. We are on our best behavior most of the time; continuously adjusting to the pressures of people and circumstances. BUT the moment we cross the threshold of our homes, we find it difficult to make the same compromises in our marriages willingly with a singing heart. Why? It is very well and facile to live when we make short contacts and all go home at the end of the day to our own watering holes, alone in our comfort zones; with the option to keep or break a relationship if we wish to. In marriage we have to be with the same person day in and day out for ever and ever with no respite. Readjustments are in order.
It seems as if the partners are forever saying “Be reasonable. Do it my way”. This when coupled with a tendency to overbear is a formula for disaster. At the back of the mind there is always the dormant thought that we can always part which is no help at all. I belong to the old school. No divorce for me; so a mutually acceptable path has to be found and if there are children from the marriage, no possibility of exit at all. Something was started and it has to be finished. We made our bed and now we need to lie in it. Do we have a right to hurt the person we brought home or run away from the responsibility of raising our children? I wish lawmakers would go back to the old ways and put it into act soon. The effort that has now gone out of relationships would reappear and so much frustration and pain needlessly imposed by humans on themselves could be avoided.
There are even impossible demands when the partners are taken for granted. We need to wake up from this dream. The solution would have been in the compromise attitude but to this we are not prepared to concede. Very good reasons are cited and all very tangible and real. Everything is taken into consideration except the fact that the first point of law is that the marriage has to be maintained at all costs as a garden of joy. It is our marriage and our life. Everything else pales into insignificance. So discord is inevitable unless we are prepared to let go a bit and cross over into the other’s camp and live for the other person. This is said for both men and women and has to be a concerted effort. Personally I find this idea so wonderful. My life is no more a closed box. I let somebody in and a close partnership begins with of course an absolute interdependence. I am not afraid any more of the big bad wolf. This is the beginning of happiness. I do lose a bit of the “I” but win the world. Putting up one’s feet is such a pleasure. We did marry for the small comforts of married life, did we not?
We live much harried lives. What we think, feel and speak about are never the same things. We are hiding so much. There is an accepted perverse insincerity practiced at all moments and at every level of our existence. In the outer world where every man is for himself and wolf eat wolf is the situation, there is much to be said for a bit of charade and hiding away. But, in a marriage? Marriage has to be seen in the light of the common man’s yogic/spiritual journey. It is, whatever you may argue, an evolutionary process in which both the parties including children grow into more matured beings. When you see it in this light, you have to allow the barriers to fall and sincerity has to pervade in the home. Thoughts, feelings and the spoken word will need to be in harmony at all times otherwise chaos and clashes will erupt. Lording over is absolutely out. Cleverness is a no-no. At least aim to reach this level. There will be stumblings, yet wherever this spirit of candid bumbling exists, there will be laughter and rarely any quarrels. The human spirit is a forgiving one, whenever, genuinely, honesty is seeping through, joy prevails.
The other factor which I have seen taking a heavy toll of the quiet life in marriages is the poor quality of communication. Poor language use, bad speech habits and worse, inadvertent habits like speaking from distances or changing the place of things and forgetting to tell. We are also plagued by the sense of right and wrong and get irritated in righteous indignation. This indignation turns easily into a scream like a cracker going off without restraint. Always forgetting that how we deal with the everyday world and how we need to deal in our marriage world are two different things. In marriage it is the team not the individual who matters. We forget it to our pain. Lets never forget if the other party is grating on our nerves, then we are no angels. Have we ever tried to find out how we are grating on other people’s nerves?
We are constantly giving out wrong signals. Utter confusion prevails at the best of times. So first we need to begin by listening a bit more and not reacting to every word that one hears. Not only to words bit those intangible sighs as well and those inconsistencies in behavior patterns. Consider that the other person may be thinking aloud or just uttering the wrong words because of other extraneous circumstances and so many other fears and complexes that run amok in our lives.
Just think it over for a while. Forgive and forget if you have been mildly wronged. Show your appreciation often and learn to remain silent in as many languages you can. Along with this attitude, ask for favors and when the other person asks for it, give them. We do make the mistake of asking favors and wanting instant gratification but when the other person asks for something, we are always busy in our own world and cannot grant any. This will not do. Gratitude needs to be cultivated and practiced a bit more. It is rarer than you would think. Especially in small inconsequent things, which are really the ones which swell into tidal waves.
All that is needed is a little shift in our own orientation to our life and partner. Give and give and take some. Rather you will notice you will get without asking and much more than you could have asked for.
Friday, October 24, 2008
When to scold
On this Q: Today I scolded the watchman of my building very badly he was not switching on the water pump..Later when I saw his eyes they were full of tears .Have always tried talking politely with him but he has always taken me for granted today i scolded so finally he switched it on..What is the ideal way? I am not able to judge whatever which I did today was the right attitude or not .
My response:
The answer to this predicament is in developing a stable persona which is first true to itself. If you had felt that he was not doing his job, you should have said so in a normal way right at the first instance. If you kept silent, it means you gave tacit approval. After that if he began to take this as normal and took all of you for granted, why should he not? It never would have occurred to him that he was being given a lot of margin of error in his actions and that you were all being nice to him. He most probably thought everything was just fine and that he was doing a good job because nobody was ever complaining.
This subject has been on my mind lately because my wife has the tendency to take the same attitude. She will never let show her true feelings. She will keep silent and let others do whatever they want at home and at work. Then one day (approx after six months) she will burst out in anger not only complaining, but being abusive as well. I have been trying to drum this into her since ages that she should not allow a wound to fester. Tackle it immediately. Never let an unsavory situation to get off the ground. A stitch in time saves nine. So much heart break and ill will can be avoided by complaining softly before egos get involved. This can be called being tactful.
Some fault for this situation can be laid on our upbringing and education. We are taught to be "NICE' and polite and kind etc. We are taught that good manners are better than being true and clear. So of course, there is a gap between what we want to and what we do; with a lot of suppressed irritation or guilt.
We humans, tend to gravitate between extremes, highly influenced by the weather, TV, neighbors and all that we hear and see. Our behavior tends to be very inconsistent indeed. This is the entire focus of the teachings of The Mother and Sri Aurobindo. First integrate your personality into a cohesive whole and then you will know exactly what to do, precisely the action and attitude to take at any given moment.
Then there are a lot of judgmental people and for them I had written an article sometime ago of which I repeat some passages:
Have you noticed how some people can speak their part only in outbursts of some kind? They would be otherwise nice, sane people going about their lives in a circular routine that they have built around themselves. Yet, under their calm exterior there is always some undercurrent of judgmental thoughts flowing quietly which, keeps them perpetually irritated about something or the other.
I have noticed this in myself when I am driving. The need to focus on whatever others are doing is so strong to avoid collisions because in Delhi one drives by the rule that if there is space one has to go in and fill it up or worse if you have a bigger car, your self-importance gives you the right to go ahead first. This creates a situation where you have to drive with one eye on the rear-view mirror and the other three eyes on the left, front and right. Of course there is also this continuous analysis that is humming inside the brain. And every now and then, the perceived stupidity of the other guy vents itself out in expletives.
So coming back to our original premise, we need to consider the why and why-nots of the situation. The question is why some people speak their part only in anger; and this is not just anger, it is also laced with a heavy dose of indignation. Indignation presupposes that the person has been wronged and has been made to suffer due to the unworthy actions of the other guy. This also presupposes that some sort of judgment has already been passed. So, I can safely say that the person speaking out in hot flashes is not being pragmatic, he has not bothered to listen to both sides of the story and feels so strongly that he has been wronged that there is no space for discussions in the situation. The situation is exacerbated by the person’s need to not only prove his point but also teach the other malefactor a lesson even if it has to be drilled into his head. This I suppose is what they call road rage when it happens on the highway.
My response:
The answer to this predicament is in developing a stable persona which is first true to itself. If you had felt that he was not doing his job, you should have said so in a normal way right at the first instance. If you kept silent, it means you gave tacit approval. After that if he began to take this as normal and took all of you for granted, why should he not? It never would have occurred to him that he was being given a lot of margin of error in his actions and that you were all being nice to him. He most probably thought everything was just fine and that he was doing a good job because nobody was ever complaining.
This subject has been on my mind lately because my wife has the tendency to take the same attitude. She will never let show her true feelings. She will keep silent and let others do whatever they want at home and at work. Then one day (approx after six months) she will burst out in anger not only complaining, but being abusive as well. I have been trying to drum this into her since ages that she should not allow a wound to fester. Tackle it immediately. Never let an unsavory situation to get off the ground. A stitch in time saves nine. So much heart break and ill will can be avoided by complaining softly before egos get involved. This can be called being tactful.
Some fault for this situation can be laid on our upbringing and education. We are taught to be "NICE' and polite and kind etc. We are taught that good manners are better than being true and clear. So of course, there is a gap between what we want to and what we do; with a lot of suppressed irritation or guilt.
We humans, tend to gravitate between extremes, highly influenced by the weather, TV, neighbors and all that we hear and see. Our behavior tends to be very inconsistent indeed. This is the entire focus of the teachings of The Mother and Sri Aurobindo. First integrate your personality into a cohesive whole and then you will know exactly what to do, precisely the action and attitude to take at any given moment.
Then there are a lot of judgmental people and for them I had written an article sometime ago of which I repeat some passages:
Have you noticed how some people can speak their part only in outbursts of some kind? They would be otherwise nice, sane people going about their lives in a circular routine that they have built around themselves. Yet, under their calm exterior there is always some undercurrent of judgmental thoughts flowing quietly which, keeps them perpetually irritated about something or the other.
I have noticed this in myself when I am driving. The need to focus on whatever others are doing is so strong to avoid collisions because in Delhi one drives by the rule that if there is space one has to go in and fill it up or worse if you have a bigger car, your self-importance gives you the right to go ahead first. This creates a situation where you have to drive with one eye on the rear-view mirror and the other three eyes on the left, front and right. Of course there is also this continuous analysis that is humming inside the brain. And every now and then, the perceived stupidity of the other guy vents itself out in expletives.
So coming back to our original premise, we need to consider the why and why-nots of the situation. The question is why some people speak their part only in anger; and this is not just anger, it is also laced with a heavy dose of indignation. Indignation presupposes that the person has been wronged and has been made to suffer due to the unworthy actions of the other guy. This also presupposes that some sort of judgment has already been passed. So, I can safely say that the person speaking out in hot flashes is not being pragmatic, he has not bothered to listen to both sides of the story and feels so strongly that he has been wronged that there is no space for discussions in the situation. The situation is exacerbated by the person’s need to not only prove his point but also teach the other malefactor a lesson even if it has to be drilled into his head. This I suppose is what they call road rage when it happens on the highway.
Monday, October 20, 2008
To Flower or remain in the bud.
COMFORT ZONE.
There is much talk of progress and success nowadays. Motivational programs are everywhere. In what meaning of the word are we talking? For argument’s sake, lets confine ourselves to make it mean: Advancement in career and money making prospects. This then presupposes that everyone would always be striving to improve one’s earning capabilities and keep on rising in one’s working domain to reach higher and higher positions in the given hierarchy. This may be the first fallacy but let’s accept it as true for now.
How many of us are really prepared to go that extra mile to achieve this so called goal, which ideally everyone is expected to be pursuing? As I see it, the goal is more in the desire form than in practice. Every goal has ladders and every ladder has steps. Every step necessitates a struggle or overcoming a shortcoming. This has two sides to the coin. One: One has to gauge correctly what is it that will make us go forward towards our goal. A sincere and impersonal guide and mentor are needed and they are extremely difficult to find or even recognize. Two: Once the elements requiring correction en route are understood, a great effort is needed to retrain ourselves with new thought patterns and habits. Subconscious patterns, inculcated since the day we are born are deeply embedded in us and we have to literally fight against their hold on our everyday lives.
My personal perception is that most prefer to find a minimum sustenance program in life and stay within their comfort zones doing little to even accept the fact that its their own shortcomings that is keeping them back. Even when life gives us a knock or two and is kind enough to show us the way and the error of our ways, we find enough logic to rationalize and let the lesson slip into the comfortable slot of unpleasant occurring.
Scurrying back into one’s comfort zone is a natural and primary tendency. This is at all levels; mental, emotional and physical. Laziness influenced by arguments from our ego wins over effort most often. Change means learning and changing habits and this requires a concerted and very conscious effort. Is this sustainable in real life? Why disturb the status quo?
Take for instance the status of most marriages. Is it a made-for-each-other existence or a compromise where we learn to coexist for the comforts of a home? There are wives being battered but they continue to stay put. There are husbands being nagged to death but they continue to stay put. There are millions of people stuck in jobs and situations they hate but doing very little to take the next step that will take them to better their existence. How does one explain this? Simple: It is so much simpler to live and continue within one’s existing known comfort zones.
Lets look around us. How many people are bothered to improve their communication ability yet never failing to complain that nobody understands them? How many are complaining that there are no avenues to progress in their lives yet failing to take any initiative whatsoever except grumbling? How many of us are constantly criticizing the other guy or blaming fate for all the ills and happily wasting time to make the world hear our version over and over again?
This is not only the soft option but also the option of cowards who prefer to scurry back into their zone of comfort at the first hint of troublesome effort like frightened mice into their mouse holes.
There is much talk of progress and success nowadays. Motivational programs are everywhere. In what meaning of the word are we talking? For argument’s sake, lets confine ourselves to make it mean: Advancement in career and money making prospects. This then presupposes that everyone would always be striving to improve one’s earning capabilities and keep on rising in one’s working domain to reach higher and higher positions in the given hierarchy. This may be the first fallacy but let’s accept it as true for now.
How many of us are really prepared to go that extra mile to achieve this so called goal, which ideally everyone is expected to be pursuing? As I see it, the goal is more in the desire form than in practice. Every goal has ladders and every ladder has steps. Every step necessitates a struggle or overcoming a shortcoming. This has two sides to the coin. One: One has to gauge correctly what is it that will make us go forward towards our goal. A sincere and impersonal guide and mentor are needed and they are extremely difficult to find or even recognize. Two: Once the elements requiring correction en route are understood, a great effort is needed to retrain ourselves with new thought patterns and habits. Subconscious patterns, inculcated since the day we are born are deeply embedded in us and we have to literally fight against their hold on our everyday lives.
My personal perception is that most prefer to find a minimum sustenance program in life and stay within their comfort zones doing little to even accept the fact that its their own shortcomings that is keeping them back. Even when life gives us a knock or two and is kind enough to show us the way and the error of our ways, we find enough logic to rationalize and let the lesson slip into the comfortable slot of unpleasant occurring.
Scurrying back into one’s comfort zone is a natural and primary tendency. This is at all levels; mental, emotional and physical. Laziness influenced by arguments from our ego wins over effort most often. Change means learning and changing habits and this requires a concerted and very conscious effort. Is this sustainable in real life? Why disturb the status quo?
Take for instance the status of most marriages. Is it a made-for-each-other existence or a compromise where we learn to coexist for the comforts of a home? There are wives being battered but they continue to stay put. There are husbands being nagged to death but they continue to stay put. There are millions of people stuck in jobs and situations they hate but doing very little to take the next step that will take them to better their existence. How does one explain this? Simple: It is so much simpler to live and continue within one’s existing known comfort zones.
Lets look around us. How many people are bothered to improve their communication ability yet never failing to complain that nobody understands them? How many are complaining that there are no avenues to progress in their lives yet failing to take any initiative whatsoever except grumbling? How many of us are constantly criticizing the other guy or blaming fate for all the ills and happily wasting time to make the world hear our version over and over again?
This is not only the soft option but also the option of cowards who prefer to scurry back into their zone of comfort at the first hint of troublesome effort like frightened mice into their mouse holes.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Turning Point
Turning Point
ON BEING ASKED: There comes a moment in life when everything changes for you. You start seeing the world with fresh eyes. It is as if you have jumped out of yourself and acquired a whole new persona. It is like the caterpillar growing wings and turning into the butterfly.
Have you experienced such a turning point in your life?
MY REPLY:
Well, to be honest nothing of the kind ever happened to me although I have heard it happening. My life began in an Ashram ( Sri Aurobindo Ashram, Pondicherry). But yes one little thing stands out. I was given a book by The Mother of the ashram when I was sixteen. At that age I read it but the words and the word pictures were not conveying much. The words were understood but not their implication. Specially one sentence stood out......... " Then you will see that the world is standing upside down." Of course I could see that every one as on their legs quite upright then what was She saying. The sentence was at the back of my mind and has been. Gradually as life unfolded, I could see that people were lying left, right and centre; very often for no reason. I wondered if this is what Mother meant. Then I realised that people are maintaining a facade. They wish to be seen as honest, hardworking, sincere, capable etc. While in their heart they were looking for shortcuts, were totally insincere and insecure about themselves as they knew well that the qualities they were expecting others to see in them were not there. They knew well that they were living a charade but simply did not have the guts to live otherwise. What an upside down way to live?!
My own experience of life is that we are most of the time playing chess within our lives for no reason. For example when I was 10 or so, some boys wanted to steal mangoes. In the very first try we got caught. I decided then and there that there is no value in this cat and mouse game. Next time I wanted a mango, I just went and asked the owner and he gave me one! Similarly, I see people fibbing on the telephone. The cell phone has made this even more imperative. First I see that everyone wants to be connected but when they do get a call, specially from somebody they do not want to talk to, they play games such as saying they in the traffic, or make funny noises and shut the phone off or just keep on saying hullo many times as if they are not getting any signal from the other party. Why i ask myself are people complicating their lives so much?
I can give other examples but I am sure you would have got the gist.
I laugh when I see people hungry and lusting after the opposite sex, running after them in frenzy with all their guile and means at their disposal; then considering themselves lucky to have gotten their prize in marriage only to realise later that it was no Happy Ever After deal at all. But they go through the motions of being happily married and reiterate their love as and when required and dedicate their lives to their children who are tiring them out, totally unhappy with their lot. For argument's sake let me admit there are exceptions & luckily this may not be wholly true with all but there is an element of truth in it in a big way as the soul which gives life to our existence is never happy with all this waste of emotional energy and time in keeping up appearances.
The same can be seen in the jobs they hold; proud to be what they are or at least they make a show of it with full awareness that they are a nobody, a cog in a big wheel, totally replaceable. Look at the possessions they have; they collect and collect goods around them and soon tire of them or want something better but in company or even to themselves would be loathe to admit that they are not entirely happy with their lot. The hollowness of our lives shows very clearly in our collection of acquaintances and the friends we make. Life's needs and social necessities force us to behave totally contrary to our nature. The show of camaraderie is faked and tiresome but we go along because we dare not otherwise.
If this is not living upside down, then what is?
ON BEING ASKED: There comes a moment in life when everything changes for you. You start seeing the world with fresh eyes. It is as if you have jumped out of yourself and acquired a whole new persona. It is like the caterpillar growing wings and turning into the butterfly.
Have you experienced such a turning point in your life?
MY REPLY:
Well, to be honest nothing of the kind ever happened to me although I have heard it happening. My life began in an Ashram ( Sri Aurobindo Ashram, Pondicherry). But yes one little thing stands out. I was given a book by The Mother of the ashram when I was sixteen. At that age I read it but the words and the word pictures were not conveying much. The words were understood but not their implication. Specially one sentence stood out......... " Then you will see that the world is standing upside down." Of course I could see that every one as on their legs quite upright then what was She saying. The sentence was at the back of my mind and has been. Gradually as life unfolded, I could see that people were lying left, right and centre; very often for no reason. I wondered if this is what Mother meant. Then I realised that people are maintaining a facade. They wish to be seen as honest, hardworking, sincere, capable etc. While in their heart they were looking for shortcuts, were totally insincere and insecure about themselves as they knew well that the qualities they were expecting others to see in them were not there. They knew well that they were living a charade but simply did not have the guts to live otherwise. What an upside down way to live?!
My own experience of life is that we are most of the time playing chess within our lives for no reason. For example when I was 10 or so, some boys wanted to steal mangoes. In the very first try we got caught. I decided then and there that there is no value in this cat and mouse game. Next time I wanted a mango, I just went and asked the owner and he gave me one! Similarly, I see people fibbing on the telephone. The cell phone has made this even more imperative. First I see that everyone wants to be connected but when they do get a call, specially from somebody they do not want to talk to, they play games such as saying they in the traffic, or make funny noises and shut the phone off or just keep on saying hullo many times as if they are not getting any signal from the other party. Why i ask myself are people complicating their lives so much?
I can give other examples but I am sure you would have got the gist.
I laugh when I see people hungry and lusting after the opposite sex, running after them in frenzy with all their guile and means at their disposal; then considering themselves lucky to have gotten their prize in marriage only to realise later that it was no Happy Ever After deal at all. But they go through the motions of being happily married and reiterate their love as and when required and dedicate their lives to their children who are tiring them out, totally unhappy with their lot. For argument's sake let me admit there are exceptions & luckily this may not be wholly true with all but there is an element of truth in it in a big way as the soul which gives life to our existence is never happy with all this waste of emotional energy and time in keeping up appearances.
The same can be seen in the jobs they hold; proud to be what they are or at least they make a show of it with full awareness that they are a nobody, a cog in a big wheel, totally replaceable. Look at the possessions they have; they collect and collect goods around them and soon tire of them or want something better but in company or even to themselves would be loathe to admit that they are not entirely happy with their lot. The hollowness of our lives shows very clearly in our collection of acquaintances and the friends we make. Life's needs and social necessities force us to behave totally contrary to our nature. The show of camaraderie is faked and tiresome but we go along because we dare not otherwise.
If this is not living upside down, then what is?
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Corporate lawyers and what they do
CORPORATE LAWYERS AND WHAT THEY DO
The other day I had the refreshing opportunity to meet a young man aspiring to be a corporate lawyer. As a career how true does it hold for the Indian condition?
Till recently, from what I can see, the Indian corporations had not been allowed to go international and therefore remained small or fairly large entities with a controlling structure firmly in the hands of a patriarch or a small bunch of a family. The whims and fancies of the chief resulted in the decisions that the corporation then followed. The mind set was feudal and the management even more so. Nothing was straightforward. What the corporation purported to be doing and what it actually did to make a killing were two entirely different things. The Chartered accountant who knew what was going on would paint the correct picture for public consumption. The balance sheet would show red or black as the chief decided the need of the moment demanded and that was that. A public company was even more rampantly badly managed as the share holders were the final losers.
All companies were playing on the governments controls. The interest rates were high and monopolies were more the rule than the exception. The profit margins were high and clean business unheard of. In this scenario I would have failed to see a corporate lawyer making any headway. The companies would invest half their money in manufacturing or trading as shown on paper. The other half would be invested in other companies doing well for some reason or the other or in land. Fixed deposits would fetch up to 18% per annum. A profit that is difficult to achieve even by well managed companies today. Supplier’s payments would be delayed as long as possible so that interest could be earned on the amount and that would help the company keep financially afloat. All rules and laws were observed in the breaking more or less; the fear of the law taking speedily its course hardly being a deterrent.
The legal system of India with its tortoise speed actually encourages breaking of economic laws. Businesses actually want to go to court. Keeping arguments sub judice is in their interest. This way they can continue holding on to funds that does not belong to them or supply substandard products and services at favorable margins. When the time comes of a settlement it is done out of court. By then, in the interweaving years which may be anything from 10 to 20 years, the company has doubled or tripled its capital base by earning interest on the blocked capital. It even tempts the corporations to edge over to take criminal risks.
The activities are rarely illegal per se but highly unethical nevertheless. The corporate lawyer as I can see in the present context can only be a paid executive of the company doing nearly the same as any lawyer working independently. The only difference being that he becomes a specialist for that corporation’s activities. Still the question remains if he will ever get a chance to become an advisor and policy maker because that is where the actual fun is. Often the owners of the company play on the vanities of younger people to win their trust and promote them to director levels; they become unknowingly fronts for the owner and worse, get caught in the criminal net!
The opening of the economy has brought a different culture. A culture of a corporation working by certain principles laid down by the board is not exactly new to India but now is becoming quite accepted. All the international MNCs that have opened shop are bringing a whiff of some unknown managing customs. Good for us! In this change of managing methods, there is of course a place for the corporate lawyer. But gain I ask a question. In India where the legal system remains out of tune to the exigencies of the time, how much can a corporate lawyer really do? And if he will not be allowed to do much, is there a career in it? A corporate lawyer is at best a management expert with knowledge of the law for the time being and for some time it will remain so.
The answer is elsewhere. It is in the Law firms which are fast becoming a force worth emulation and aping. They act as consultants to corporations and also take their cases to court. The corporation’s prefer to pay them a consultancy and get expert advice and support rather then depend on untried employees with no chance to broaden their scope of experience in a small enclosed environment. The corporate lawyer is really coming into his own in these law firms.
While we are on the subject, why not think International? With international trade growing and corporations from other countries active here and vice versa, here is fodder for the next generation as long as they are not influenced mainly by the vision of a high profile life as seen in the movies and TV serials coming to us from the western countries where the jet-set corporate lawyer is a power to reckon with. He not only knows the law but also assists the corporations to walk the fine fence of “just legal”. He carries a lot of prestige and even political clout as he holds a place nobody else can boast of in the hierarchy of the corporation. He is the only one who understands and often the only one privy to the complete picture. Of course the position then gives him huge corporate benefits such as limos and secretaries with his own jet and what not.
If only life could be restricted to such glamorous visions!
The other day I had the refreshing opportunity to meet a young man aspiring to be a corporate lawyer. As a career how true does it hold for the Indian condition?
Till recently, from what I can see, the Indian corporations had not been allowed to go international and therefore remained small or fairly large entities with a controlling structure firmly in the hands of a patriarch or a small bunch of a family. The whims and fancies of the chief resulted in the decisions that the corporation then followed. The mind set was feudal and the management even more so. Nothing was straightforward. What the corporation purported to be doing and what it actually did to make a killing were two entirely different things. The Chartered accountant who knew what was going on would paint the correct picture for public consumption. The balance sheet would show red or black as the chief decided the need of the moment demanded and that was that. A public company was even more rampantly badly managed as the share holders were the final losers.
All companies were playing on the governments controls. The interest rates were high and monopolies were more the rule than the exception. The profit margins were high and clean business unheard of. In this scenario I would have failed to see a corporate lawyer making any headway. The companies would invest half their money in manufacturing or trading as shown on paper. The other half would be invested in other companies doing well for some reason or the other or in land. Fixed deposits would fetch up to 18% per annum. A profit that is difficult to achieve even by well managed companies today. Supplier’s payments would be delayed as long as possible so that interest could be earned on the amount and that would help the company keep financially afloat. All rules and laws were observed in the breaking more or less; the fear of the law taking speedily its course hardly being a deterrent.
The legal system of India with its tortoise speed actually encourages breaking of economic laws. Businesses actually want to go to court. Keeping arguments sub judice is in their interest. This way they can continue holding on to funds that does not belong to them or supply substandard products and services at favorable margins. When the time comes of a settlement it is done out of court. By then, in the interweaving years which may be anything from 10 to 20 years, the company has doubled or tripled its capital base by earning interest on the blocked capital. It even tempts the corporations to edge over to take criminal risks.
The activities are rarely illegal per se but highly unethical nevertheless. The corporate lawyer as I can see in the present context can only be a paid executive of the company doing nearly the same as any lawyer working independently. The only difference being that he becomes a specialist for that corporation’s activities. Still the question remains if he will ever get a chance to become an advisor and policy maker because that is where the actual fun is. Often the owners of the company play on the vanities of younger people to win their trust and promote them to director levels; they become unknowingly fronts for the owner and worse, get caught in the criminal net!
The opening of the economy has brought a different culture. A culture of a corporation working by certain principles laid down by the board is not exactly new to India but now is becoming quite accepted. All the international MNCs that have opened shop are bringing a whiff of some unknown managing customs. Good for us! In this change of managing methods, there is of course a place for the corporate lawyer. But gain I ask a question. In India where the legal system remains out of tune to the exigencies of the time, how much can a corporate lawyer really do? And if he will not be allowed to do much, is there a career in it? A corporate lawyer is at best a management expert with knowledge of the law for the time being and for some time it will remain so.
The answer is elsewhere. It is in the Law firms which are fast becoming a force worth emulation and aping. They act as consultants to corporations and also take their cases to court. The corporation’s prefer to pay them a consultancy and get expert advice and support rather then depend on untried employees with no chance to broaden their scope of experience in a small enclosed environment. The corporate lawyer is really coming into his own in these law firms.
While we are on the subject, why not think International? With international trade growing and corporations from other countries active here and vice versa, here is fodder for the next generation as long as they are not influenced mainly by the vision of a high profile life as seen in the movies and TV serials coming to us from the western countries where the jet-set corporate lawyer is a power to reckon with. He not only knows the law but also assists the corporations to walk the fine fence of “just legal”. He carries a lot of prestige and even political clout as he holds a place nobody else can boast of in the hierarchy of the corporation. He is the only one who understands and often the only one privy to the complete picture. Of course the position then gives him huge corporate benefits such as limos and secretaries with his own jet and what not.
If only life could be restricted to such glamorous visions!
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Too Much is being said
Beethoven’s Pastoral.
Have you heard Beethoven’s Pastoral? It is piece of quiet melody with a lot of power. It takes you back to the slower times a few centuries ago when the choices were limited and so were the topics of conversation and the number of people you could talk to. People did not read and write and the conversation was limited to one’s very personal surroundings such as hunting, dogs, local skirmishes and gossips, the weather and stories. Life was slow paced and keeping one’s counsel was more the norm. Silence was known and appreciated. One can still get this experience if one can find a quiet spot in the lap of nature where mechanical advancements of the last 200 years have not made an appearance.
In contrast we are today inundated with the incessant noise and the continuous bandying of words. Everybody has so much to say. Everybody knows so much and understands so little; this is the crux. We are surrounded by second-hand information and wisdom and we are actively perpetuating it as our own. The Media is serving us wisdom on a platter and there is always something to talk about. We quote great Gurus and sound erudite. It is all so superficial. It is the germ which goes into making of intellectual snobs. These are intelligent people, good with words and supremely nubile in connecting individual words to other related words in a continuous stream of sentences which is unending. It is also a word-wall which hides the real person. It is also a dead give-away to lack of depth; we see this in others and yet do not believe for a moment that we ourselves could be afflicted.
I have noticed two trends. One how everyone talks assuming that the other is a total ignoramus, two how speedily faults are found in the statements of others; as if superciliousness is in fashion.
We are so busy pouncing on words, we fail to give ourselves time to go behind the meaning of the whole sentence or paragraph.Of course, taken in isolation, any meaning can be attributed to any statement. The mind is playing with the words and not using them for what they are: vehicles to pass on the images from one mind to another. The result is a lot of conversation yet little is said. I have a firm belief, things should be said when there is a live "QUESTION" necessating or/and demanding an answer!Otherwise there is a lot of noise made, many words written which are not paid attention to and soon forgotten. I think we humans need to learn to conserve our energies in this domain.Of course there is this need to expand the mind and this can be done only by extensive reading and listening to others. To begin all this info and knowledge is certainly necessary.The importance cannot be estimated in words and figures. All begins here. But some people take this collecting of info as the wisdom itself and lose their way.So we need to be on our guard otherwise we shall be counting the trees and miss the forest.
Another aspect of our lives is the extent of exposure an individual gets. What kind of lives do people live on the average? A very small world indeed! It is my experience that very few people are able to actually connect with most of the words and ideas represented. For most it will be a lot of beautiful sounding theories with little or no connectivity with their personal thoughts and experiences. At best it can be an intellectual exercise; what can be called “poetic gymnastics”.Your experiences when put into words cannot wholly transfer the whole images and pictures that are stamped in your memory; therefore even though you may be using commonly understood words, the end result is not always evident. You may even see the eyes going blank.
Which brings me to another pet peeve; too much is being told! There is a limit to how much can be safely told and said. Wisdom and knowledge is gathered in stages. Every piece of info is now available in books and on the internet. I suppose everyone wants to be heard and feels that he has much to say. But there is wisdom also in considering if, the recipient is ready; this is a kind of knowledge which I feel should not be given out to all and sundry. They would not know its value. Rather if misunderstood and the chances are very high, they might even harm themselves.
My belief is firm in the harm the unbridled use of the spoken and written word is causing. Take for instance Depression. Every morning morbid pieces of heart churning news is published in the dailies and often repeated on the TV with lurid pictures. In general it has a depressive effect. It also creates unknown fears; then why do we continue with it? And worse, we make it available 24 hrs, day in and day out. How will the knowledge that a plane went down in Russia, Britney is having baby or that a politician’s son has taken an overdose of cocaine help me understand the world and myself better and improve my life and sort?
Recently I had a conversation with someone who was sad and thinking of suicide. She was maintaining her level of sadness by harboring and focusing on her morbid thoughts. Instead of trying to engage the mind elsewhere she was feeding her mind by delving on the subject in everyway she could. One of this was by listening to songs that would revive the sad moments. This is what I had to say to her: Because you are sensitive to "words", not to listen to anything with words in it. Specially love songs and such, as these would tend to revive dormant memories and sadness/nostalgia. Don’t listen even to instrumental versions of the songs that bring words to your mind.Stick to pure music and you will see this will bring a change.Words are there to help us see and go beyond our own limitations but every time we go out to disseminate info, I think we should also consider this question “Is it useful, Is there a need for it here, because the problem is in showing to others what they are not trained or ready to see?
Have you heard Beethoven’s Pastoral? It is piece of quiet melody with a lot of power. It takes you back to the slower times a few centuries ago when the choices were limited and so were the topics of conversation and the number of people you could talk to. People did not read and write and the conversation was limited to one’s very personal surroundings such as hunting, dogs, local skirmishes and gossips, the weather and stories. Life was slow paced and keeping one’s counsel was more the norm. Silence was known and appreciated. One can still get this experience if one can find a quiet spot in the lap of nature where mechanical advancements of the last 200 years have not made an appearance.
In contrast we are today inundated with the incessant noise and the continuous bandying of words. Everybody has so much to say. Everybody knows so much and understands so little; this is the crux. We are surrounded by second-hand information and wisdom and we are actively perpetuating it as our own. The Media is serving us wisdom on a platter and there is always something to talk about. We quote great Gurus and sound erudite. It is all so superficial. It is the germ which goes into making of intellectual snobs. These are intelligent people, good with words and supremely nubile in connecting individual words to other related words in a continuous stream of sentences which is unending. It is also a word-wall which hides the real person. It is also a dead give-away to lack of depth; we see this in others and yet do not believe for a moment that we ourselves could be afflicted.
I have noticed two trends. One how everyone talks assuming that the other is a total ignoramus, two how speedily faults are found in the statements of others; as if superciliousness is in fashion.
We are so busy pouncing on words, we fail to give ourselves time to go behind the meaning of the whole sentence or paragraph.Of course, taken in isolation, any meaning can be attributed to any statement. The mind is playing with the words and not using them for what they are: vehicles to pass on the images from one mind to another. The result is a lot of conversation yet little is said. I have a firm belief, things should be said when there is a live "QUESTION" necessating or/and demanding an answer!Otherwise there is a lot of noise made, many words written which are not paid attention to and soon forgotten. I think we humans need to learn to conserve our energies in this domain.Of course there is this need to expand the mind and this can be done only by extensive reading and listening to others. To begin all this info and knowledge is certainly necessary.The importance cannot be estimated in words and figures. All begins here. But some people take this collecting of info as the wisdom itself and lose their way.So we need to be on our guard otherwise we shall be counting the trees and miss the forest.
Another aspect of our lives is the extent of exposure an individual gets. What kind of lives do people live on the average? A very small world indeed! It is my experience that very few people are able to actually connect with most of the words and ideas represented. For most it will be a lot of beautiful sounding theories with little or no connectivity with their personal thoughts and experiences. At best it can be an intellectual exercise; what can be called “poetic gymnastics”.Your experiences when put into words cannot wholly transfer the whole images and pictures that are stamped in your memory; therefore even though you may be using commonly understood words, the end result is not always evident. You may even see the eyes going blank.
Which brings me to another pet peeve; too much is being told! There is a limit to how much can be safely told and said. Wisdom and knowledge is gathered in stages. Every piece of info is now available in books and on the internet. I suppose everyone wants to be heard and feels that he has much to say. But there is wisdom also in considering if, the recipient is ready; this is a kind of knowledge which I feel should not be given out to all and sundry. They would not know its value. Rather if misunderstood and the chances are very high, they might even harm themselves.
My belief is firm in the harm the unbridled use of the spoken and written word is causing. Take for instance Depression. Every morning morbid pieces of heart churning news is published in the dailies and often repeated on the TV with lurid pictures. In general it has a depressive effect. It also creates unknown fears; then why do we continue with it? And worse, we make it available 24 hrs, day in and day out. How will the knowledge that a plane went down in Russia, Britney is having baby or that a politician’s son has taken an overdose of cocaine help me understand the world and myself better and improve my life and sort?
Recently I had a conversation with someone who was sad and thinking of suicide. She was maintaining her level of sadness by harboring and focusing on her morbid thoughts. Instead of trying to engage the mind elsewhere she was feeding her mind by delving on the subject in everyway she could. One of this was by listening to songs that would revive the sad moments. This is what I had to say to her: Because you are sensitive to "words", not to listen to anything with words in it. Specially love songs and such, as these would tend to revive dormant memories and sadness/nostalgia. Don’t listen even to instrumental versions of the songs that bring words to your mind.Stick to pure music and you will see this will bring a change.Words are there to help us see and go beyond our own limitations but every time we go out to disseminate info, I think we should also consider this question “Is it useful, Is there a need for it here, because the problem is in showing to others what they are not trained or ready to see?
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Tommorow
TOMORROW NEVER COMES
There was a song in the movie Yellow Rolls Royce, which affected me deeply. It says, “Let’s forget about domani, for domani never comes.” It should be made the theme song for procrastinators. Specially for people who leave everything for the last moment if not later. Our life-style and work culture till now has been of the laid-back style and we have quite got into the habit of taking things easy, knowing fully well that we will be able to find some way of passing the buck.
Putting things off for later is an ostrich complex kind of behavior, which is really a sign of immaturity.
It also shows lack of dedication or over-confidence in one’s ability to manage one’s time or worse it is a show put on for the undeserving to give an aura of time unavailability due to prior engagements. This attitude career-wise is self-inflicted damage.
Do you really believe if you delay the execution of the matter, it will go away? Well, for argument’s sake, I will accept that certain situations do correct themselves if not interfered with but paper-deadlines don’t fall in this category. Do you really believe you can squeeze in more minutes in the day than the next person? If you can, of course you really know how to manage your time and are very aware of the time to be allotted to each activity and you really also know how to execute every job precisely and with focus. To you I would say this note is not for you. To the snobs who think that they can impress others by a show of being busy, I have only a word of caution; you are fooling nobody and eventually even those who are impressed at first, will know that you are bluffing and all your credits will go down the drain.
The following resources will help you make the most of your time and bring you success in the work place:
A) Assertiveness: This means getting your thoughts across accurately and properly. The actions are always preceded by forethought and research. But all this is to be packaged without aggressiveness.
B) Communication: The ability to communicate well is of the utmost importance. This means not knowing only what to say, but also knowing how to and when to say it. Very few people take the trouble of improving their language and delivery skills. You ignore this fact to your peril.
C) Time watching: Time allocation takes on a totally new meaning when you wish to stop the habit of procrastination. You have to steel yourself against letting yourself waste time or not keep appointments. When you make a list of the “TO DOs”, you have to work hard at finishing them. Personal feelings and emotional slidings have to be curtailed at all costs.
If procrastination has become a habit, it has to be seen in this light and treated as a bad habit. Are you game?
There was a song in the movie Yellow Rolls Royce, which affected me deeply. It says, “Let’s forget about domani, for domani never comes.” It should be made the theme song for procrastinators. Specially for people who leave everything for the last moment if not later. Our life-style and work culture till now has been of the laid-back style and we have quite got into the habit of taking things easy, knowing fully well that we will be able to find some way of passing the buck.
Putting things off for later is an ostrich complex kind of behavior, which is really a sign of immaturity.
It also shows lack of dedication or over-confidence in one’s ability to manage one’s time or worse it is a show put on for the undeserving to give an aura of time unavailability due to prior engagements. This attitude career-wise is self-inflicted damage.
Do you really believe if you delay the execution of the matter, it will go away? Well, for argument’s sake, I will accept that certain situations do correct themselves if not interfered with but paper-deadlines don’t fall in this category. Do you really believe you can squeeze in more minutes in the day than the next person? If you can, of course you really know how to manage your time and are very aware of the time to be allotted to each activity and you really also know how to execute every job precisely and with focus. To you I would say this note is not for you. To the snobs who think that they can impress others by a show of being busy, I have only a word of caution; you are fooling nobody and eventually even those who are impressed at first, will know that you are bluffing and all your credits will go down the drain.
The following resources will help you make the most of your time and bring you success in the work place:
A) Assertiveness: This means getting your thoughts across accurately and properly. The actions are always preceded by forethought and research. But all this is to be packaged without aggressiveness.
B) Communication: The ability to communicate well is of the utmost importance. This means not knowing only what to say, but also knowing how to and when to say it. Very few people take the trouble of improving their language and delivery skills. You ignore this fact to your peril.
C) Time watching: Time allocation takes on a totally new meaning when you wish to stop the habit of procrastination. You have to steel yourself against letting yourself waste time or not keep appointments. When you make a list of the “TO DOs”, you have to work hard at finishing them. Personal feelings and emotional slidings have to be curtailed at all costs.
If procrastination has become a habit, it has to be seen in this light and treated as a bad habit. Are you game?
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
If you dont mind
IF YOU DON’T MIND….
Communication is the link between two people yet we go to inordinate lengths to make it complex and difficult. I have never understood the logic behind this ice-breaker that I hear often: “If you promise not to mind then I have something to say”, which of course implies that whatever is to be said is unpleasant. This opening gambit has always pleasantly surprised me. Why would anyone insist on saying something knowing that it would not be pleasant? Of course the gambit also permits the speaker to remain on the good side of the listener and criticize him to his heart’s content. The use psychology in this is beautiful. Very rarely does a recipient ever say: “if there are chances that I may not like what is to be said then I do not want to hear it”; rather his curiosity aroused, he insists that he be told and that he is man enough to take any criticism. It is another matter that very few can really maintain their equanimity once they hear the permitted critical evaluation.
The number of people who actively invite criticism, avowing that they wish to improve themselves is also quite many. But it is generally a show of openness that is totally faked. If anyone has ever the kindness to point out their fault, they normally have arguments ready to counter it and their annoyance is complete. On the other hand intelligent people behave as if they have no idea of human nature. We employ servants and then expect them to be as knowledgeable and intelligent or passionately involved in our home or work as we are. Had the servant been a person of this caliber, would he be your servant?
I have been against the negative management styles that I see around me. Especially the way we take the opposite side of any argument or statement to show that we are better than the others. Our management style is by scolding for mistakes made. We have some established notions of what is correct and what merits chastisement and we follow-up on it with gusto. If we go back in time a little, there was a time that most senior managers came from a similar social status and educational backgrounds and there were not many faults to find in each other. But today this has become the very opposite. People from vastly different economic, cultural and financial backgrounds come together and there is always bound to be something amongst our brethrens that may rub us the wrong way. The mature guy takes it in his stride but most tend to compare the other with their own selves and get irritated. The result is – “scoldings and flare-ups” all around us. The manager takes the route of righteousness and encloses himself in indignation and the employee gets dejected because he simply never is made to understand the “why” of it. Is it so difficult to understand that we can discuss things and that there is no real need to chastise because we are in a position to do so? I have seen many people who can say their point of view only in anger. They will normally keep quiet and let things slide and then one day they burst in anger and all the dammed up complaints come out in one go in a vehement show of anger. It is so immature, this behavior. An unpleasant action should be brought to notice and be discussed right there and then and as far as possible without anger; this eliminates misunderstandings and stops the incident from being repeated in its track. Of course, if the other side continues to insist on his behavior then a stronger dose of show of displeasure is called for.
We even take this style in the upbringing of our children.
When we pre-empt others in speech or action and try to control them in many other million ways, we are only exercising the primary human tendency to regulate & control everything around us. We have a very high opinion of ourselves most of the time. It is only when disaster strikes that for a while we see our faults and reflect. But for the rest of our lives we are quite certain about our wisdom and abilities and we even prove it and justify ourselves by quoting earlier “Greats & Gurus” as if we were on par with them while we have nothing to say from our own fount of experience and learning, except perhaps a few biting words and make the world aware of our own merits in comparison to the demerits of the rest of the world!
The solution to these situations is to develop a little charity in our thinking. Kindness and creativity is needed. We need to help the other learn if he is willing. Berating will only create stiff opposition and bad blood. We need friends around us; in it lies our own happiness.
Communication is the link between two people yet we go to inordinate lengths to make it complex and difficult. I have never understood the logic behind this ice-breaker that I hear often: “If you promise not to mind then I have something to say”, which of course implies that whatever is to be said is unpleasant. This opening gambit has always pleasantly surprised me. Why would anyone insist on saying something knowing that it would not be pleasant? Of course the gambit also permits the speaker to remain on the good side of the listener and criticize him to his heart’s content. The use psychology in this is beautiful. Very rarely does a recipient ever say: “if there are chances that I may not like what is to be said then I do not want to hear it”; rather his curiosity aroused, he insists that he be told and that he is man enough to take any criticism. It is another matter that very few can really maintain their equanimity once they hear the permitted critical evaluation.
The number of people who actively invite criticism, avowing that they wish to improve themselves is also quite many. But it is generally a show of openness that is totally faked. If anyone has ever the kindness to point out their fault, they normally have arguments ready to counter it and their annoyance is complete. On the other hand intelligent people behave as if they have no idea of human nature. We employ servants and then expect them to be as knowledgeable and intelligent or passionately involved in our home or work as we are. Had the servant been a person of this caliber, would he be your servant?
I have been against the negative management styles that I see around me. Especially the way we take the opposite side of any argument or statement to show that we are better than the others. Our management style is by scolding for mistakes made. We have some established notions of what is correct and what merits chastisement and we follow-up on it with gusto. If we go back in time a little, there was a time that most senior managers came from a similar social status and educational backgrounds and there were not many faults to find in each other. But today this has become the very opposite. People from vastly different economic, cultural and financial backgrounds come together and there is always bound to be something amongst our brethrens that may rub us the wrong way. The mature guy takes it in his stride but most tend to compare the other with their own selves and get irritated. The result is – “scoldings and flare-ups” all around us. The manager takes the route of righteousness and encloses himself in indignation and the employee gets dejected because he simply never is made to understand the “why” of it. Is it so difficult to understand that we can discuss things and that there is no real need to chastise because we are in a position to do so? I have seen many people who can say their point of view only in anger. They will normally keep quiet and let things slide and then one day they burst in anger and all the dammed up complaints come out in one go in a vehement show of anger. It is so immature, this behavior. An unpleasant action should be brought to notice and be discussed right there and then and as far as possible without anger; this eliminates misunderstandings and stops the incident from being repeated in its track. Of course, if the other side continues to insist on his behavior then a stronger dose of show of displeasure is called for.
We even take this style in the upbringing of our children.
When we pre-empt others in speech or action and try to control them in many other million ways, we are only exercising the primary human tendency to regulate & control everything around us. We have a very high opinion of ourselves most of the time. It is only when disaster strikes that for a while we see our faults and reflect. But for the rest of our lives we are quite certain about our wisdom and abilities and we even prove it and justify ourselves by quoting earlier “Greats & Gurus” as if we were on par with them while we have nothing to say from our own fount of experience and learning, except perhaps a few biting words and make the world aware of our own merits in comparison to the demerits of the rest of the world!
The solution to these situations is to develop a little charity in our thinking. Kindness and creativity is needed. We need to help the other learn if he is willing. Berating will only create stiff opposition and bad blood. We need friends around us; in it lies our own happiness.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Stepping Back
Defocusing & Stepping Back
to see things better
The age old advice to sleep over matters to gain a better perspective is a very important one. The mind needs time to mull over things and stepping back and giving it time to reflect is an important step in better management of life and self.
The human mind and thinking process is easily contaminated by personal vanity and desires emanating thru it. Often we make issues inordinately personal and then we focus so hard on a single factor in life to the exclusion of all else, that we shut ourselves out from the actual world and live in a castle in our mind refusing to come out or even acknowledge that anything like a world out there exists.
We become obsessed with our doings and our pride makes us think that if we did not act, nothing would happen; we see ourselves as the initiator.
This state of affairs can only bring pain and disappointment. The mind by itself is rarely able to break away from its own centralised focus and wallows in its singular quicksand, getting deeper and deeper into its own vortex. Unfortunately, the cosmos continues to go on in its merry way and this leaves us sad, lost and depressed.
It is at this stage or before this stage is reached, that it is necessary to break off the tentacles of these thoughts that we have encastled ourselves in, out of a sense of prestige and from strong desire.
This is done by retraining the mind to defocus and re-enlarge its view. We need to stop the mind from turning on itself and going in circles; perhaps even stop its incessant thinking. Then when the mind is in a state of openness, let new thoughts and ideas at least be given a cursory hearing. Slowly the mind will deflect itself and realign itself with the world at large. New interests will take birth and all will be contentment again.
to see things better
The age old advice to sleep over matters to gain a better perspective is a very important one. The mind needs time to mull over things and stepping back and giving it time to reflect is an important step in better management of life and self.
The human mind and thinking process is easily contaminated by personal vanity and desires emanating thru it. Often we make issues inordinately personal and then we focus so hard on a single factor in life to the exclusion of all else, that we shut ourselves out from the actual world and live in a castle in our mind refusing to come out or even acknowledge that anything like a world out there exists.
We become obsessed with our doings and our pride makes us think that if we did not act, nothing would happen; we see ourselves as the initiator.
This state of affairs can only bring pain and disappointment. The mind by itself is rarely able to break away from its own centralised focus and wallows in its singular quicksand, getting deeper and deeper into its own vortex. Unfortunately, the cosmos continues to go on in its merry way and this leaves us sad, lost and depressed.
It is at this stage or before this stage is reached, that it is necessary to break off the tentacles of these thoughts that we have encastled ourselves in, out of a sense of prestige and from strong desire.
This is done by retraining the mind to defocus and re-enlarge its view. We need to stop the mind from turning on itself and going in circles; perhaps even stop its incessant thinking. Then when the mind is in a state of openness, let new thoughts and ideas at least be given a cursory hearing. Slowly the mind will deflect itself and realign itself with the world at large. New interests will take birth and all will be contentment again.
Saturday, August 2, 2008
Karmic Analysis in Self-upgrading
In a general way most understand the theory of Karma from the point of what was “DONE”. A little introspection and quiet contemplation will reveal two things: 1) that the course of our lives is based more on the things that were NOT DONE; the decisions which were not taken. 2) that at every moment we are given a simple choice of saying “yes” or “no” ; this determines the course of our lives.
If our lives are in a mess or things are not going forward as we had hoped, all we need to do is look back and discover the steps we did not take when we should have and the steps that have brought us to this impasse. The course correction is then obvious and the best way to deal with the moment is by taking the path that we should have but did not take and do it as soon as possible with intensity and sincerity as this effort will go a long way to negate some of the effects of the past doings or not-doings.
The truth is that deep in our hearts we all know where we are going wrong and where we have gone earlier. We are well aware of our lacunas but cover it with coats of appearances as if what the others “see” of us is more important than living our lives to our heart’s content. We put all our energies in keeping up the pretence of being on top of the world and look for magical solutions; if not solutions then at least excuses that will allow us to hold our head high and show to the world how well we are holding on in this unkind world.
Mankind is terribly clever. Statements like – “Everything is preordained”; “If it is in our destinies it will happen”; “It is all in the stars”; “God wished it this way” and many others in the same hue serve us well to sit back and lament our condition rather than do something about it. Our minds can place arguments from old sayings and proverbs and other great minds to prove our point as if arguing and convincing our neighbor is the final answer to our woes.
When the time comes for action we run to soothsayers, astrologers, and practioners of occult tricks and look for smart-quick fixes. Millions of work hours and good money is spent in poojas and practices to change the flow of our miserable lives. Tell me truly, do you really believe that your pooja down here will change the position of Saturn up there? If not then how do you expect a change to occur? The reality is that you have been given a non-negotiable state. No choice here; the parents, the place of birth, brothers, sisters, later the teachers, friends all these are already fixed. Before you know or understand what is going on decisions have been piled up on you and your personality formed by the dictates of others. After the harm has been done, you are expected to go out and make something out of this bad bargain and be successful in this world.
It is obvious that lamenting or trying to wash the sins off in the Ganges won’t help. Asking help of the stars through appeasement won’t help either because they are the ones who put you where you are in the first place. So comes the big question; what can you do?
First of all stop talking of past lives and often taking this as the perfect pretext towards our helplessness and as an excuse to the un-changeability of the course of our fate and lives. This is very convenient thinking and an oversimplification which suits mankind very well as it absolves them from the effort to make the necessary change and correction in their lives.
Sit down and analyze your karmic path up to date. Study your own nature and note the actions and reactions that you are prone to. Work out the steps that you can take with immediate effect to alleviate or bring in the wanted change and go ahead & take the first step. This is psycho-analysis of a kind. You will realize soon enough what is wrong and why. Then the solution will become obvious in a flash and you will be free to start all over again with a new path opening out in front of you. Your effort is an integral part of your destiny. You will realize that you have been given some positive streaks in your nature which are your strengths and also some negative streaks which are your weaknesses. You are required to learn from life’s incidences and overcome the negative turns in your life by using your strong attributes and by suppressing the harmful possibilities that happen from your negative attributes.
If our lives are in a mess or things are not going forward as we had hoped, all we need to do is look back and discover the steps we did not take when we should have and the steps that have brought us to this impasse. The course correction is then obvious and the best way to deal with the moment is by taking the path that we should have but did not take and do it as soon as possible with intensity and sincerity as this effort will go a long way to negate some of the effects of the past doings or not-doings.
The truth is that deep in our hearts we all know where we are going wrong and where we have gone earlier. We are well aware of our lacunas but cover it with coats of appearances as if what the others “see” of us is more important than living our lives to our heart’s content. We put all our energies in keeping up the pretence of being on top of the world and look for magical solutions; if not solutions then at least excuses that will allow us to hold our head high and show to the world how well we are holding on in this unkind world.
Mankind is terribly clever. Statements like – “Everything is preordained”; “If it is in our destinies it will happen”; “It is all in the stars”; “God wished it this way” and many others in the same hue serve us well to sit back and lament our condition rather than do something about it. Our minds can place arguments from old sayings and proverbs and other great minds to prove our point as if arguing and convincing our neighbor is the final answer to our woes.
When the time comes for action we run to soothsayers, astrologers, and practioners of occult tricks and look for smart-quick fixes. Millions of work hours and good money is spent in poojas and practices to change the flow of our miserable lives. Tell me truly, do you really believe that your pooja down here will change the position of Saturn up there? If not then how do you expect a change to occur? The reality is that you have been given a non-negotiable state. No choice here; the parents, the place of birth, brothers, sisters, later the teachers, friends all these are already fixed. Before you know or understand what is going on decisions have been piled up on you and your personality formed by the dictates of others. After the harm has been done, you are expected to go out and make something out of this bad bargain and be successful in this world.
It is obvious that lamenting or trying to wash the sins off in the Ganges won’t help. Asking help of the stars through appeasement won’t help either because they are the ones who put you where you are in the first place. So comes the big question; what can you do?
First of all stop talking of past lives and often taking this as the perfect pretext towards our helplessness and as an excuse to the un-changeability of the course of our fate and lives. This is very convenient thinking and an oversimplification which suits mankind very well as it absolves them from the effort to make the necessary change and correction in their lives.
Sit down and analyze your karmic path up to date. Study your own nature and note the actions and reactions that you are prone to. Work out the steps that you can take with immediate effect to alleviate or bring in the wanted change and go ahead & take the first step. This is psycho-analysis of a kind. You will realize soon enough what is wrong and why. Then the solution will become obvious in a flash and you will be free to start all over again with a new path opening out in front of you. Your effort is an integral part of your destiny. You will realize that you have been given some positive streaks in your nature which are your strengths and also some negative streaks which are your weaknesses. You are required to learn from life’s incidences and overcome the negative turns in your life by using your strong attributes and by suppressing the harmful possibilities that happen from your negative attributes.
Friday, August 1, 2008
The Whole World Does Not Matter
There is always a small period in our lives when we become “Important”. This is the time when we get into the self-important mode. We are in our eyes not only in control but, often, as we perceive the cause and effects around us, we are certain, even if the world may not wholly agree with us, of being the source of the happenings. In a microcosm, we are not part of the Creation, but see ourselves as part of the creator effect.
This is the time when our vanities are ballooning. We are still young as far as a life-span goes. At the age of youth in the twenties, it is easy to see ourselves as giants with infinite capacities for getting things done. We can take it all on. The body is strong, the mind is full of certitudes and nobody is immune to our charms. Then we decide what has to be done, and soon we get it done. We are almost mystified by our own image, although at the back of our minds a small question mark haunts us; why does not the world see us in our true light? It is galling. Here we are, ready and willing, with all the knowledge and strength to put everything in the right order, if only people would listen!
Then, there are those who are luckier than others. Who are born with a silver spoon, well in this category we can include even those with a brass spoon with silver plating. They come into a world, which is already structured, and whatever they see or touch is theirs. Even when they stretch their five senses to their limits, they can only see themselves at the center of things and of course, in full control. They can manipulate everyone and every instance. They continue to grow into this environment and gradually realize their potential for creation or mischief as their nature leads them.
Soon, they are alienating themselves from everything. But they do not know it yet. Whenever they come across a person or situation they do not like, they simply cut it out. They can well afford to.
To the whole world they come across as self-centered, arrogant, and closed personalities but they could not care. Even the world has to grudgingly acknowledge that they are good and able and if circumstances so need, a bit of groveling up to them is ok.
This, as we all know is a straight path to perdition. The truth is we are only a small cog in a big wheel in a very huge machinery. Try to imagine the immensity of it all. For once, just for an experiment, go out in to the night, alone, and watch the firefly. There may be hundreds, but focus on one. Then think, how many nights have come before and how many will come later. How long does a fly last even in this one night? How long do you have to sparkle?
Come out of your cocoon. Listen to the world around without having to comment or direct anything. Let the world run itself for a moment. There will be withdrawal symptoms but tolerate them just for a while and then you will know peace and really see! The world that did not matter uptil now, will suddenly start to matter!!
This is the time when our vanities are ballooning. We are still young as far as a life-span goes. At the age of youth in the twenties, it is easy to see ourselves as giants with infinite capacities for getting things done. We can take it all on. The body is strong, the mind is full of certitudes and nobody is immune to our charms. Then we decide what has to be done, and soon we get it done. We are almost mystified by our own image, although at the back of our minds a small question mark haunts us; why does not the world see us in our true light? It is galling. Here we are, ready and willing, with all the knowledge and strength to put everything in the right order, if only people would listen!
Then, there are those who are luckier than others. Who are born with a silver spoon, well in this category we can include even those with a brass spoon with silver plating. They come into a world, which is already structured, and whatever they see or touch is theirs. Even when they stretch their five senses to their limits, they can only see themselves at the center of things and of course, in full control. They can manipulate everyone and every instance. They continue to grow into this environment and gradually realize their potential for creation or mischief as their nature leads them.
Soon, they are alienating themselves from everything. But they do not know it yet. Whenever they come across a person or situation they do not like, they simply cut it out. They can well afford to.
To the whole world they come across as self-centered, arrogant, and closed personalities but they could not care. Even the world has to grudgingly acknowledge that they are good and able and if circumstances so need, a bit of groveling up to them is ok.
This, as we all know is a straight path to perdition. The truth is we are only a small cog in a big wheel in a very huge machinery. Try to imagine the immensity of it all. For once, just for an experiment, go out in to the night, alone, and watch the firefly. There may be hundreds, but focus on one. Then think, how many nights have come before and how many will come later. How long does a fly last even in this one night? How long do you have to sparkle?
Come out of your cocoon. Listen to the world around without having to comment or direct anything. Let the world run itself for a moment. There will be withdrawal symptoms but tolerate them just for a while and then you will know peace and really see! The world that did not matter uptil now, will suddenly start to matter!!
Friday, July 11, 2008
Is Your Commitment Total?
Is Your Commitment Total?
We were discussing Karmic ramifications of our actions. There is so much that is said, can be said and will be said on this subject I suppose; all hearsay at best and no one really in a position to contradict each other. So it is one of the best conversation topics where you can expound as much as you feel like and as every action is particular to itself and special to the next individual, the discussions can go on and on safely with no change resulting in any form except the expounder goes home very proud of himself, of his grasp of life’s essentials and his wisdom with somewhere at the back of his mind this thought that he has impressed his listeners and made a mark!
Then I came across these few words from OSHO(RAJNEESH) of Pune. He says we suffer because we do not live whole-heartedly. All our actions tend to be incomplete and sort of hover around us waiting for their culmination. What I understood from this and concur is that we are busy doing too many things at the same and doing all of them badly; thereby laying ourselves open to negative karmic points with pending files remaining open and following us like baying dogs.
This, if I am not mistaken is called Multi-tasking nowadays. A way of working that I abhor. Nothing is done with focus and proper application. Till the last generation this was not a problem as it has become today. The culprits that have brought on this state of affairs is squarely the mobile phone and the laptop. Earlier we had to be in the right place at the right time to do whatever was needed to be done. Now we can be everywhere at the same time and do whatever we want at any given time. I think this is awful; the idea should be to do less, live luxuriously and here we are pushing ourselves to an early burn-out by doing more. Humans really need to reorient their philosophies.
One positive aspect of this change in our lives is that it imposed on us the need to ask some questions and therefore some research projects on this subject were undertaken. It was well known before that the average human mind can hardly process more than one activity at a time. Now it seems this is clearly proven by case studies. So this business of multi-tasking is all a lot of nonsense. Let us see how long it will take for the human mass to understand it and use this information in their working styles.
Concisely and precisely it means that the mind can focus on one activity alone at a time; it can listen or talk or drive or type or eat or kiss or whatever. The problem comes when we do certain things by habit and allow the mind to wander all over the cosmos. We then leave “undone” karmic footprints that drag us back, vociferously demanding that we finish the job or at least learn to do it differently and well the next time or pay for the consequences.
Would you like some examples? Say a man is eating. The food is of his choice and normally he would have savored it to his entire satisfaction. But he is in a hurry because his mind is on the meeting in his office where he aims to make a definite point and he hopes to get a raise from it. There is also the need to be aware of what goes on in the world so he opens up the TV to watch the news. His wife on the other hand has some complaints and reminders and may even be talking to him which as can be imagined he is saying yes-yes to without listening. By the time he leaves, settling down in his car, his phone to his ears his mind is already properly muddled. He has no idea what he has eaten; he has no memory of having eaten at all. He has not grasped any of the news and totally forgotten about his wife. And in all this he has hasn’t had a quiet moment to fully work out his presentation in the meeting which he then does not do too well. The eating, driving and listening in the above episode being totally mechanically habit driven; Is this multitasking or multishucksing?
As Osho(Rajneesh) explains, the mind not being wholly satiated or satisfied, continues to crave. This may show in excesses like binge eating, passionate affairs, show-off purchases and the like. A veritable vortex is created that can envelope us in its negative impact which then has the effect of creating stress, bad decisions/attitudes and even more stress and eventual misery.
I remember my grand mother with her rosary beads coaxing the Lord to pay heed to her woes with her mind on the pot of lentils on the fire, giving commands to her daughters-in-law. With what result; the Lord not being addressed to properly did not answer her prayers, the pot of lentils boiled over, the daughter-in-law went to into sulks every now and then which had chain reactions in the households and often tragic tantrums.
The scenario has changed a bit but not the pattern.
Was it, is it all worth it; now, then or ever?
We were discussing Karmic ramifications of our actions. There is so much that is said, can be said and will be said on this subject I suppose; all hearsay at best and no one really in a position to contradict each other. So it is one of the best conversation topics where you can expound as much as you feel like and as every action is particular to itself and special to the next individual, the discussions can go on and on safely with no change resulting in any form except the expounder goes home very proud of himself, of his grasp of life’s essentials and his wisdom with somewhere at the back of his mind this thought that he has impressed his listeners and made a mark!
Then I came across these few words from OSHO(RAJNEESH) of Pune. He says we suffer because we do not live whole-heartedly. All our actions tend to be incomplete and sort of hover around us waiting for their culmination. What I understood from this and concur is that we are busy doing too many things at the same and doing all of them badly; thereby laying ourselves open to negative karmic points with pending files remaining open and following us like baying dogs.
This, if I am not mistaken is called Multi-tasking nowadays. A way of working that I abhor. Nothing is done with focus and proper application. Till the last generation this was not a problem as it has become today. The culprits that have brought on this state of affairs is squarely the mobile phone and the laptop. Earlier we had to be in the right place at the right time to do whatever was needed to be done. Now we can be everywhere at the same time and do whatever we want at any given time. I think this is awful; the idea should be to do less, live luxuriously and here we are pushing ourselves to an early burn-out by doing more. Humans really need to reorient their philosophies.
One positive aspect of this change in our lives is that it imposed on us the need to ask some questions and therefore some research projects on this subject were undertaken. It was well known before that the average human mind can hardly process more than one activity at a time. Now it seems this is clearly proven by case studies. So this business of multi-tasking is all a lot of nonsense. Let us see how long it will take for the human mass to understand it and use this information in their working styles.
Concisely and precisely it means that the mind can focus on one activity alone at a time; it can listen or talk or drive or type or eat or kiss or whatever. The problem comes when we do certain things by habit and allow the mind to wander all over the cosmos. We then leave “undone” karmic footprints that drag us back, vociferously demanding that we finish the job or at least learn to do it differently and well the next time or pay for the consequences.
Would you like some examples? Say a man is eating. The food is of his choice and normally he would have savored it to his entire satisfaction. But he is in a hurry because his mind is on the meeting in his office where he aims to make a definite point and he hopes to get a raise from it. There is also the need to be aware of what goes on in the world so he opens up the TV to watch the news. His wife on the other hand has some complaints and reminders and may even be talking to him which as can be imagined he is saying yes-yes to without listening. By the time he leaves, settling down in his car, his phone to his ears his mind is already properly muddled. He has no idea what he has eaten; he has no memory of having eaten at all. He has not grasped any of the news and totally forgotten about his wife. And in all this he has hasn’t had a quiet moment to fully work out his presentation in the meeting which he then does not do too well. The eating, driving and listening in the above episode being totally mechanically habit driven; Is this multitasking or multishucksing?
As Osho(Rajneesh) explains, the mind not being wholly satiated or satisfied, continues to crave. This may show in excesses like binge eating, passionate affairs, show-off purchases and the like. A veritable vortex is created that can envelope us in its negative impact which then has the effect of creating stress, bad decisions/attitudes and even more stress and eventual misery.
I remember my grand mother with her rosary beads coaxing the Lord to pay heed to her woes with her mind on the pot of lentils on the fire, giving commands to her daughters-in-law. With what result; the Lord not being addressed to properly did not answer her prayers, the pot of lentils boiled over, the daughter-in-law went to into sulks every now and then which had chain reactions in the households and often tragic tantrums.
The scenario has changed a bit but not the pattern.
Was it, is it all worth it; now, then or ever?
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Cocksure and Prejudiced
Whatever be our education, we still permit ourselves the luxury of some prejudices and totally unjustifiable generalizations. Some obvious ones are such mistaken assumptions like the one that only women can teach children, or Sikhs are not bright enough or that all south Indians make good secretaries.
Similarly, there are fixed ideas in all the other fraternities too. The police begin with the notion that all are basically criminals. They haven’t just yet caught them yet. The lawyer is not very far away from this thought either. The painful point of discord is in the idea that every lawyer thinks that he can get his client off and this is blindly seconded by his client. In general life disaster strikes when mistakenly perceiving ourselves as brilliant we play a tricky one and are sure that no one can see through our machinations.
Mankind is prone to many foolish operations based on their even more stupid cocksure thinking. No superhuman genius is needed to avoid these pitfalls. All errors can never be avoided but definitely minimized.
Whatever the subject, if the matter is such that it can be settled by observation, then take care to observe yourself instead of depending on the hearsay of others.
This occurrence is not as rare it may logically sound. If you read the literature of long ago, you will notice that writers would speak about unicorns and such with such definite purpose that you almost would believe them. It seems unicorns were everywhere but no one had seen one.
Most assumptions are unfortunately less easy to resolve. Most people have passionate convictions. Like I was brought up on the information that we should be wary of Muslims because they steal children and make easy murderers. The women of our household very passionately believed in this idea and there was no shaking them out of it. That my best and most reliable friends are Muslims, still does not make the elderly ladies who brought me up, feel that this proves anything.
The best way to realize your own bias is to pay attention to yourself. If an opinion contrary to your own makes you angry, it is a sure sign that you have really no basis for your own convictions. If somebody maintains that the earth is flat, today, do you get angry? No! You rather pity the person and laugh it off. But in the matters of religion where there is no argument that can be proven either way, the chaos and stupidity results in behavior and acts that are stupendous and shattering.
Shall we use a little logic and try to become more rational? Be wary of opinions that flatter your self-esteem. Do not believe in the superior excellence of your prejudices.
Similarly, there are fixed ideas in all the other fraternities too. The police begin with the notion that all are basically criminals. They haven’t just yet caught them yet. The lawyer is not very far away from this thought either. The painful point of discord is in the idea that every lawyer thinks that he can get his client off and this is blindly seconded by his client. In general life disaster strikes when mistakenly perceiving ourselves as brilliant we play a tricky one and are sure that no one can see through our machinations.
Mankind is prone to many foolish operations based on their even more stupid cocksure thinking. No superhuman genius is needed to avoid these pitfalls. All errors can never be avoided but definitely minimized.
Whatever the subject, if the matter is such that it can be settled by observation, then take care to observe yourself instead of depending on the hearsay of others.
This occurrence is not as rare it may logically sound. If you read the literature of long ago, you will notice that writers would speak about unicorns and such with such definite purpose that you almost would believe them. It seems unicorns were everywhere but no one had seen one.
Most assumptions are unfortunately less easy to resolve. Most people have passionate convictions. Like I was brought up on the information that we should be wary of Muslims because they steal children and make easy murderers. The women of our household very passionately believed in this idea and there was no shaking them out of it. That my best and most reliable friends are Muslims, still does not make the elderly ladies who brought me up, feel that this proves anything.
The best way to realize your own bias is to pay attention to yourself. If an opinion contrary to your own makes you angry, it is a sure sign that you have really no basis for your own convictions. If somebody maintains that the earth is flat, today, do you get angry? No! You rather pity the person and laugh it off. But in the matters of religion where there is no argument that can be proven either way, the chaos and stupidity results in behavior and acts that are stupendous and shattering.
Shall we use a little logic and try to become more rational? Be wary of opinions that flatter your self-esteem. Do not believe in the superior excellence of your prejudices.
Contradicting Lovingly
When I was young, in college and still sorting out the everyday contradictions in terms of human relationships, one of the features of my life was to understand the attitude of my parents towards me. From one angle it was clear that I was precious to them and from another angle, they seem to take me for a nincompoop. At one end of the spectrum I was supposed to do them proud by coming up to some standards that were never clearly defined while at the same time I was not supposed to show any initiative and do what I was told. On this point the directions were clear: as if the parents were saying “We are here and know what is best for you. We are doing the thinking for you, all that is needed will be provided; you; just be a nice, sweet chubby child, the apple of our eyes.” As if they had never bargained for the child to grow and assert some of his own personality.
When this time did come, it changed into a period of confrontation. It became a competition between two diametrically opposite tendencies. One set in their ways, afraid of change and the other experimenting and exploring, feeding and thriving on change. Eventually the situation came to a pass where all listening came to a stop. Every sentence of my father began with a “NO”. This puzzled me to no end and unfortunately nobody was giving me the right honest answers either.
Then one day I went to somebody’s house and there I saw a sticker. It showed an older cranky looking man shouting at an obviously younger child: “The answer is No. Now what did you want?” This was the beginning of wisdom finally coming into my life. I realized that a sticker made in the USA, if so universal in its character, is floating around then certainly this attitude of my parents which was puzzling me, is more universally prevalent than is honestly accepted. A little more close observation of all the parents around me, backed by reading The Reader’s Digest made the answers come tumbling into my life.
Today into my late adult life, I am astonished to see how much this tendency to negate and contradict permeates life in general. As I see it, the seeds are sown when the child is growing into an adult and the parents are not grasping this fact in its entirety. They want to protect him and shield him. In their zeal they don’t want him to act at all, as if this way they can protect him from all adversity. The child on the other hand begins first by seething inside and then hiding his true self and living a double life; so to say. The parents get more and more strongly into the denying and the child starts even more vehemently saying No to it. Is it any wonder that the adult who results is afraid that his life will be taken over and therefore learns to say No to everything. His relationships are all difficult; whatever kind it may be- professional, amicable or amorous. This way he gets into a perennial “denial” mode. This perverted character then gets passed on from generation to generation.
Look around closely. How often do you see people agreeing and accepting each other and in comparison how often we are crossing each other out?
I remember when I was just entering teenage; I was trying to paint a sunset. My father’s comment on seeing my attempts was that I being a child should try to paint subjects more suitable to my age. But I kept on which upset him and finally got what I wanted, appreciated by others or not. In my case the story has a happy ending. Eventually, many years later, I painted a canvas which before even it was dry; my father took it and hung it in his room. This was appreciation of a high order.
Fate had a hand in my upbringing. I had the good luck to grow into an adult far away from the restrictive and limited scope of my home. I had an international exposure and had teachers who were always listening and ready to help me find the answers to MY questions; without the bias of social norms restricting our exchanges.
Yet sadly my father never got over his habit of taking the opposite side to any exchange of idea, conversation or suggestion. It was so sad. I wanted so much to converse and share my life with him. But he would not accept me as anything but his child who should in all good sense let him run his life. He never outgrew my childhood and this contradiction always showed in his behavior.
When this time did come, it changed into a period of confrontation. It became a competition between two diametrically opposite tendencies. One set in their ways, afraid of change and the other experimenting and exploring, feeding and thriving on change. Eventually the situation came to a pass where all listening came to a stop. Every sentence of my father began with a “NO”. This puzzled me to no end and unfortunately nobody was giving me the right honest answers either.
Then one day I went to somebody’s house and there I saw a sticker. It showed an older cranky looking man shouting at an obviously younger child: “The answer is No. Now what did you want?” This was the beginning of wisdom finally coming into my life. I realized that a sticker made in the USA, if so universal in its character, is floating around then certainly this attitude of my parents which was puzzling me, is more universally prevalent than is honestly accepted. A little more close observation of all the parents around me, backed by reading The Reader’s Digest made the answers come tumbling into my life.
Today into my late adult life, I am astonished to see how much this tendency to negate and contradict permeates life in general. As I see it, the seeds are sown when the child is growing into an adult and the parents are not grasping this fact in its entirety. They want to protect him and shield him. In their zeal they don’t want him to act at all, as if this way they can protect him from all adversity. The child on the other hand begins first by seething inside and then hiding his true self and living a double life; so to say. The parents get more and more strongly into the denying and the child starts even more vehemently saying No to it. Is it any wonder that the adult who results is afraid that his life will be taken over and therefore learns to say No to everything. His relationships are all difficult; whatever kind it may be- professional, amicable or amorous. This way he gets into a perennial “denial” mode. This perverted character then gets passed on from generation to generation.
Look around closely. How often do you see people agreeing and accepting each other and in comparison how often we are crossing each other out?
I remember when I was just entering teenage; I was trying to paint a sunset. My father’s comment on seeing my attempts was that I being a child should try to paint subjects more suitable to my age. But I kept on which upset him and finally got what I wanted, appreciated by others or not. In my case the story has a happy ending. Eventually, many years later, I painted a canvas which before even it was dry; my father took it and hung it in his room. This was appreciation of a high order.
Fate had a hand in my upbringing. I had the good luck to grow into an adult far away from the restrictive and limited scope of my home. I had an international exposure and had teachers who were always listening and ready to help me find the answers to MY questions; without the bias of social norms restricting our exchanges.
Yet sadly my father never got over his habit of taking the opposite side to any exchange of idea, conversation or suggestion. It was so sad. I wanted so much to converse and share my life with him. But he would not accept me as anything but his child who should in all good sense let him run his life. He never outgrew my childhood and this contradiction always showed in his behavior.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
The Value of training programs
The value of training programs of sales people, especially in sales of High value items like cars and high priced luxury items is the subject of this discussion.
This is one of the most difficult lines of work. My personal observation is that most sales people are from a very different environment (economically, socially & often educationally) to that of the buyer. This results in a vast chasm between what the buyer expects and the seller is able to respond to.
Of course training programs have their value and they do theoretically prepare the sales people to understand what they are getting into and what is expected of them. Raw recruits do need this training. But the basic problems of all training programs is in the fact that certain character traits are already embedded and indelibly marked in most people by the time they enter life’s stream. Even after many years of training and experience many people never learn to control certain habits and/or behavior responses of theirs. For instance traits like, shyness or brashness, impatience, over-eagerness, arrogance, cleverness, argumentativeness and such; although there are many traits that help like sympathy and empathy, good manners, good elocution etc. This is why most raining programs do not take you very far. They make the person conscious of certain points alright but most are not able to incorporate these factors into their persona. At the actual moment of need, people always behave, act or/and react in a predictable manner which is their basic personality.
It is not easy for the sales people to visualize or understand the needs of the buyer or the way the buyer thinks. Most often they miss the cues to what will trigger interest and decision to finalize a purchase in the buyer. Let us say the buyer is a millionaire and likes his little luxuries which he can afford but the sales guy would never have had the opportunity to experience. For example the texture and shape of the seat may be of more importance to the buyer than the salesperson can really ever imagine as he would not have had the luxury of that kind of a life; then it can be presumed that the sales person would totally miss his shots while trying to impress the buyer.
The salesman may be very talented and informed about cars and would easily able to reply all the questions of the buyer but may miss the point that the buyer is a snob and would not take kindly to be hustled or crowded around. Technicalities may not even bother the buyer. To him certain comforts and amenities and discounts may be more important. A buyer of a car rarely comes in without some pre-thinking and can be expected to be informed so his mind maybe already half made up. I have seen buyers being put-off by the aggressiveness and insensitivity of sales persons.
In most management programs that are outlined I notice, we give great advice which is actually meaningless in practice. This is because it is easier said than done. Most people are creatures of habit and their behavior patterns are not that easily transformed by a few words thrown at them.
The words of Francis Bacon that say something like this are important: We think according to fancy, talk according to education but behave by habit.
That is why I have been an enthusiastic proponent of apprenticeship. After basic training always place the new sales guy under a senior. The job of the senior to be specifically to train the junior and not just use him as an assistant; a junior picks far much more over the years by seeing a senior at work than short training stints can ever inculcate.
This is one of the most difficult lines of work. My personal observation is that most sales people are from a very different environment (economically, socially & often educationally) to that of the buyer. This results in a vast chasm between what the buyer expects and the seller is able to respond to.
Of course training programs have their value and they do theoretically prepare the sales people to understand what they are getting into and what is expected of them. Raw recruits do need this training. But the basic problems of all training programs is in the fact that certain character traits are already embedded and indelibly marked in most people by the time they enter life’s stream. Even after many years of training and experience many people never learn to control certain habits and/or behavior responses of theirs. For instance traits like, shyness or brashness, impatience, over-eagerness, arrogance, cleverness, argumentativeness and such; although there are many traits that help like sympathy and empathy, good manners, good elocution etc. This is why most raining programs do not take you very far. They make the person conscious of certain points alright but most are not able to incorporate these factors into their persona. At the actual moment of need, people always behave, act or/and react in a predictable manner which is their basic personality.
It is not easy for the sales people to visualize or understand the needs of the buyer or the way the buyer thinks. Most often they miss the cues to what will trigger interest and decision to finalize a purchase in the buyer. Let us say the buyer is a millionaire and likes his little luxuries which he can afford but the sales guy would never have had the opportunity to experience. For example the texture and shape of the seat may be of more importance to the buyer than the salesperson can really ever imagine as he would not have had the luxury of that kind of a life; then it can be presumed that the sales person would totally miss his shots while trying to impress the buyer.
The salesman may be very talented and informed about cars and would easily able to reply all the questions of the buyer but may miss the point that the buyer is a snob and would not take kindly to be hustled or crowded around. Technicalities may not even bother the buyer. To him certain comforts and amenities and discounts may be more important. A buyer of a car rarely comes in without some pre-thinking and can be expected to be informed so his mind maybe already half made up. I have seen buyers being put-off by the aggressiveness and insensitivity of sales persons.
In most management programs that are outlined I notice, we give great advice which is actually meaningless in practice. This is because it is easier said than done. Most people are creatures of habit and their behavior patterns are not that easily transformed by a few words thrown at them.
The words of Francis Bacon that say something like this are important: We think according to fancy, talk according to education but behave by habit.
That is why I have been an enthusiastic proponent of apprenticeship. After basic training always place the new sales guy under a senior. The job of the senior to be specifically to train the junior and not just use him as an assistant; a junior picks far much more over the years by seeing a senior at work than short training stints can ever inculcate.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Stealing credit.
Recently I became aware that some of my write-ups are being posted in the groups I post my articles. I am sharing here my views and some of others who responded to my mention of this malaise.
The paste and copy provided by the Internet technology is a good thing but it cannot be taken as a license to take credit for material written by others. I have seen two instances of my write-ups being submitted by others; Sad state of affairs. What harm is there in appreciating my effort and letting be a little proud for my efforts?
I would say either give credit for using posted material to the original writer or write up your own if you have something to say.Taking undue credit and making profit by cutting corners amounts to plain cheating which is reprehensible, And this the one flaw in our character which has kept us back from becoming world class or world leaders. It is high time that we started showing our intelligence rather than our cunning and cleverness.
Somebody copying us is flattery all right. But are we looking for flattery? Stealing, spying, cheating is a way of life. Not being paid for work done is also a fairly prevalent phenomenon. There will always be someone who will take advantage. What is reprehensible is that we do not care anymore for the ethics involved.
How low have we allowed ourselves to go?
There is a legal side to it. Suppose I get my work published and half a dozen people stand up claiming as theirs? Once you get embroiled in the legal system life becomes hell.
And don't think people won’t do it. Wives are using the laws to get even. The moment you buy a plot of land, there is another claimant who files a suit. Frivolous things are part of the human make up alright.
But downright copying and posting it on the same channel from where you have picked it up seems to me going too far in stupidity. The least I would suppose is that someone would use the points raised and do some re-write of his own.
Christine McLeod wrote:
Hi Pradeep,
A very real and a very serious concern is what you have expressed here. Plagiarism is the bane of our society, and we, especially in India, with our 'sab chalta hai' attitude have never learnt of copyright. Right from the way 'cheating' is perceived by children in our schools, to the spillover of attitudes at work...radical awareness is the call of the hour.
gvk mohan wrote:
I agree that copying is not on. But as Trainers or whatever, can we look further? I am not advocating anything or speaking for somebody. My point is, the net is an ocean by itself. It is information everywhere. There are no guarantees. When we post, our right on that post is may be gone forever. Can we think a bit bigger, broader and say "ok, if that guy has copied my post and reposted, hope it gives him some happiness or pride, hope it gives him some knowledge, hope it helps him in some way". I am asking this to Pradeep and others too generally. Tell me, what we write, speak today, is it not out of our lifetime reading or listening? Are we that original and creative and have produced such stuff that we need to get worked up? Are we that big in this universe? Are we saying "Hey, that piece of info or knowledge is mine? If you want to use it, say that is from me. And then I’m ok with you using it.”??? And in fact, if someone has re-posted you, take pride, as your stuff
seems to be so good that someone thought it worthy of copying.
Inez Rufus wrote:
Agreed that there's a wealth of information in cyberspace and in books and that we as trainers can't always be expected to say "Eureka" to every concept we train in. We borrow, we bend, we twist, we collate and we train.
However, when people do not use their creativity to enhance or build on what they have borrowed (either through the information highway or books) and blatantly copy without giving credit to the original, it's unethical to say the least.
Recently I was informed that modules that I had created as Training Head (through collated data) were being used by a Delhi company.
It's a shame that we can be so blatantly unethical and have so such little originality that we stoop to copy - without acknowledgement.
I would be more than happy to share things with others, but not when others assume ownership. I think it's unfair and totally unacceptable.
The paste and copy provided by the Internet technology is a good thing but it cannot be taken as a license to take credit for material written by others. I have seen two instances of my write-ups being submitted by others; Sad state of affairs. What harm is there in appreciating my effort and letting be a little proud for my efforts?
I would say either give credit for using posted material to the original writer or write up your own if you have something to say.Taking undue credit and making profit by cutting corners amounts to plain cheating which is reprehensible, And this the one flaw in our character which has kept us back from becoming world class or world leaders. It is high time that we started showing our intelligence rather than our cunning and cleverness.
Somebody copying us is flattery all right. But are we looking for flattery? Stealing, spying, cheating is a way of life. Not being paid for work done is also a fairly prevalent phenomenon. There will always be someone who will take advantage. What is reprehensible is that we do not care anymore for the ethics involved.
How low have we allowed ourselves to go?
There is a legal side to it. Suppose I get my work published and half a dozen people stand up claiming as theirs? Once you get embroiled in the legal system life becomes hell.
And don't think people won’t do it. Wives are using the laws to get even. The moment you buy a plot of land, there is another claimant who files a suit. Frivolous things are part of the human make up alright.
But downright copying and posting it on the same channel from where you have picked it up seems to me going too far in stupidity. The least I would suppose is that someone would use the points raised and do some re-write of his own.
Christine McLeod wrote:
Hi Pradeep,
A very real and a very serious concern is what you have expressed here. Plagiarism is the bane of our society, and we, especially in India, with our 'sab chalta hai' attitude have never learnt of copyright. Right from the way 'cheating' is perceived by children in our schools, to the spillover of attitudes at work...radical awareness is the call of the hour.
gvk mohan wrote:
I agree that copying is not on. But as Trainers or whatever, can we look further? I am not advocating anything or speaking for somebody. My point is, the net is an ocean by itself. It is information everywhere. There are no guarantees. When we post, our right on that post is may be gone forever. Can we think a bit bigger, broader and say "ok, if that guy has copied my post and reposted, hope it gives him some happiness or pride, hope it gives him some knowledge, hope it helps him in some way". I am asking this to Pradeep and others too generally. Tell me, what we write, speak today, is it not out of our lifetime reading or listening? Are we that original and creative and have produced such stuff that we need to get worked up? Are we that big in this universe? Are we saying "Hey, that piece of info or knowledge is mine? If you want to use it, say that is from me. And then I’m ok with you using it.”??? And in fact, if someone has re-posted you, take pride, as your stuff
seems to be so good that someone thought it worthy of copying.
Inez Rufus wrote:
Agreed that there's a wealth of information in cyberspace and in books and that we as trainers can't always be expected to say "Eureka" to every concept we train in. We borrow, we bend, we twist, we collate and we train.
However, when people do not use their creativity to enhance or build on what they have borrowed (either through the information highway or books) and blatantly copy without giving credit to the original, it's unethical to say the least.
Recently I was informed that modules that I had created as Training Head (through collated data) were being used by a Delhi company.
It's a shame that we can be so blatantly unethical and have so such little originality that we stoop to copy - without acknowledgement.
I would be more than happy to share things with others, but not when others assume ownership. I think it's unfair and totally unacceptable.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Numerology in Human Resources
Numerology in HR
Using exotic systems to assess potential capabilities of candidates is nothing out of the normal. Astrology has been used in management of business and kingdoms since planning began. Today we have many more simple systems like numerology and graphology to fall back upon. From the pragmatic point of view I would say there is nothing wrong in depending on the data provided by these systems if you tend to trust them and even more so if the interpreter of signs is trustable. There is of course a big IF involved and you may lose a good candidate by aspecting too much on just the numbers and others signs without taking into account mitigating factors and the sterling qualities of the candidate.
I will admit that I have used numerology and graphology with some success in my own life.
The basic facts that these systems provide are enough to guide us on to the correct path or at least give indication which way the wind is blowing. But it is best kept personal. There are too many factors at play. One of them is “Effort” and this should also be taken to mean that one should continuously make the effort to learn about one’s profession and connected subjects as much possible to arrive at mature and correct decisions.
But this essay is more to highlight the dependency shown by aspiring candidates themselves in such esoteric sciences to land jobs or plan their next career move. The focus on “kismet” seems to me inordinately high. A young man once phoned to ask me if he would pass in his exam. My response was that if he studied and prepared well for the coming test, he should certainly succeed. His response is indicative of the attitude of today: he told me if I saw success in his life then he would put in the effort otherwise what was the point of it all?!
I met some people yesterday and thought it would fruitful to put down the experience on paper to share.
A mother along with her daughter paid me a visit to take advantage of my practical knowledge of numerology to know how things would work out with her daughter but she would not let the daughter speak. I stopped her right there and asked her to keep herself in the back ground for awhile so that I could hear the daughter’s version. What had transpired was something like this: The girl was obviously brought up with only one end in view:- marriage. She had been through the entire Indian school program, yet she obviously was not conversant with her basics on any subject. I did not think it wise to ask too much about the school. How these young people manage to get through the exams beats me. And what kind of teaching is going on in our schools would be a good question to pose. The girl spoke only her dialectical version of her mother tongue. She had no English and no practical knowledge of anything at all. To top this combination, life played her a bad trick. The parents in their exalted wisdom married her off at the age of 19. She had a child when 20; a separation at 21 and at the age of 23 a depression.
She has been trying to look for a job since the last 20 months with no success.
What was I to do? Numerology had no role to play here. The daughter’s Q "When will I find a job?" really had no reply as such in my book. So I thought I would be bluntly honest and told her that getting a job is easy when you are trained for one. Jobs are essentially a barter system at work. You give in term of work and you get paid for it. What exactly had she done in that line? Her answer really put my pragmatism on hold. She told she never got the time. With a mother running her life and not only thinking for her but also providing her with all she could want, she had not even learnt to cook a simple omlette. You want to make an omlette; you have to break the egg. Her culinary prowess was limited to phone in a pizzeria. I wonder if parents realize what harm they do to their children by over-cuddling and at the same time over-patronizing them. There is also this over dependency on the education system to instill all the worldly, social, inter-personal and other knowledge required to navigate thru life. Even if they are being raised for marriage, don’t they see that marriage requires inter-personal and household skills of some level of proficiency?
So I advised her to acquire some basic skills like selling to begin with. She could begin by joining a corporate showroom in the sales dept and acquire experience. Side by side I felt she would do well to learn both Hindi and English properly, more suitable for the world at large. All this with a focus on eventually getting into a more specialized career as needed in call-centers or junior executives in corporate offices.
I now understand the comments being made by management seniors that our young people are not really employable. It is so sad.
Using exotic systems to assess potential capabilities of candidates is nothing out of the normal. Astrology has been used in management of business and kingdoms since planning began. Today we have many more simple systems like numerology and graphology to fall back upon. From the pragmatic point of view I would say there is nothing wrong in depending on the data provided by these systems if you tend to trust them and even more so if the interpreter of signs is trustable. There is of course a big IF involved and you may lose a good candidate by aspecting too much on just the numbers and others signs without taking into account mitigating factors and the sterling qualities of the candidate.
I will admit that I have used numerology and graphology with some success in my own life.
The basic facts that these systems provide are enough to guide us on to the correct path or at least give indication which way the wind is blowing. But it is best kept personal. There are too many factors at play. One of them is “Effort” and this should also be taken to mean that one should continuously make the effort to learn about one’s profession and connected subjects as much possible to arrive at mature and correct decisions.
But this essay is more to highlight the dependency shown by aspiring candidates themselves in such esoteric sciences to land jobs or plan their next career move. The focus on “kismet” seems to me inordinately high. A young man once phoned to ask me if he would pass in his exam. My response was that if he studied and prepared well for the coming test, he should certainly succeed. His response is indicative of the attitude of today: he told me if I saw success in his life then he would put in the effort otherwise what was the point of it all?!
I met some people yesterday and thought it would fruitful to put down the experience on paper to share.
A mother along with her daughter paid me a visit to take advantage of my practical knowledge of numerology to know how things would work out with her daughter but she would not let the daughter speak. I stopped her right there and asked her to keep herself in the back ground for awhile so that I could hear the daughter’s version. What had transpired was something like this: The girl was obviously brought up with only one end in view:- marriage. She had been through the entire Indian school program, yet she obviously was not conversant with her basics on any subject. I did not think it wise to ask too much about the school. How these young people manage to get through the exams beats me. And what kind of teaching is going on in our schools would be a good question to pose. The girl spoke only her dialectical version of her mother tongue. She had no English and no practical knowledge of anything at all. To top this combination, life played her a bad trick. The parents in their exalted wisdom married her off at the age of 19. She had a child when 20; a separation at 21 and at the age of 23 a depression.
She has been trying to look for a job since the last 20 months with no success.
What was I to do? Numerology had no role to play here. The daughter’s Q "When will I find a job?" really had no reply as such in my book. So I thought I would be bluntly honest and told her that getting a job is easy when you are trained for one. Jobs are essentially a barter system at work. You give in term of work and you get paid for it. What exactly had she done in that line? Her answer really put my pragmatism on hold. She told she never got the time. With a mother running her life and not only thinking for her but also providing her with all she could want, she had not even learnt to cook a simple omlette. You want to make an omlette; you have to break the egg. Her culinary prowess was limited to phone in a pizzeria. I wonder if parents realize what harm they do to their children by over-cuddling and at the same time over-patronizing them. There is also this over dependency on the education system to instill all the worldly, social, inter-personal and other knowledge required to navigate thru life. Even if they are being raised for marriage, don’t they see that marriage requires inter-personal and household skills of some level of proficiency?
So I advised her to acquire some basic skills like selling to begin with. She could begin by joining a corporate showroom in the sales dept and acquire experience. Side by side I felt she would do well to learn both Hindi and English properly, more suitable for the world at large. All this with a focus on eventually getting into a more specialized career as needed in call-centers or junior executives in corporate offices.
I now understand the comments being made by management seniors that our young people are not really employable. It is so sad.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Have you made your statement?
Have you made your statement?
Many of our decisions are based on thoughts that arise within us influenced by our need to be recognized. It is our vanity at work. Once when I was a lot younger I was asked this question – What is the difference between Pride and Vanity? But that was then and I was completely foxed. The teacher then took the trouble of explaining it to me that that pride was what we thought of ourselves and vanity was what we wanted others to think of us.
Since then I have always kept a close watch on my thoughts about myself and would try to fit them into either “pride” or “vanity” category. It is quite a difficult task if we are sincere about it.
This leads us straight to the subject under discussion. A few stories will explain my point better. Let us use these stories to understand and put us on our guard.
Here is a young man; comes from an established industrial family and the only son. It is not difficult for him to think of himself as a cut above the rest. Then he goes to USA for his MBA. Eventually he returns home and joins his father to run the organization. He is allowed to run his own companies that he is allowed to form. His father had already a staff around so he was expected to use the same. This created a subtle two layer clash of interests as his father was keeping a strict control over the running of the company and the staff was not sure who to follow. The knee jerk of the son was to try and control more of what was happening in his companies. So every now and then he would call his executives and instruct them in detail about everything and confuse the issue; even going to the extent of dictating the letters on behalf of his executives and crossing the “T”s and dotting the “I”s as how situations should be managed in the field. This was not only annoying but time wasting as often he would keep his executives locked up in his office for hours in so-called meetings. He was, as I saw it, making a statements galore; some for his pride and some for his vanity. It was needed for his pride to show that he was running the show and not just a puppet around there; and for his vanity he needed to make sure that his executives recognized his talents, education and grasp of the situation. He would go to great lengths to show-off his inside knowledge even of the details of the field even though he never left the comfort of his office. An awful chasm would be created in what needed to be done and what the boss thought should be done. The poor executives were literally sandwiched in between the directives and at the same time under the pressure to show results. The mess his personality was in soon began to show in the results of the company’s balance sheet; a first class blue-print for fiasco.
So on further analysis what essentially needs to be understood is the question : are we making statements or doing things that need to be done?
One very good formula to separate the requirement based actions from the statement based actions is by asking the question: Am I trying to impress others with this action? Am I keeping at the back of my mind what effect it will have on others? A little introspection will do.
Let us say you go to the doctor for some pain in the back. Nobody knows about it and you are stoic enough to keep it yourself. There the doctor takes x-rays and advises rest and medication. You do all these and come to office the next week, refreshed and happy and when asked where and what you were up to, you smile and tell them that you had a holiday as you felt the need for it. That being that. This is a requirement based activity and nothing of statement-making comes into the picture.
In contrast I will tell you another story. A lady manager of a bank was required to go to inspect the veracity & genuineness of a client who had asked for a loan for a car. At first glance the address was from a lower middle class neighborhood and that too in an area not known for its nice ways. So she asked me to go along with her. There was really no way our car could go inside the colony. We left it out on the main road and went in. The streets were not more than 10 feet wide and cluttered up with shops spreading out all over the road. The client had asked to buy a Swift Maruti which had been launched recently and was quite the rage of the lot considering themselves as avant-garde. Here too, in this case, the buyers were relatively young people, quite evidently buying a swift more to make a statement than anything else as they were quite happy using a motorbike for ease of maneuvering in traffic. I could not contain myself and did ask where they were going to park the car. On the street outside they told me candidly. I kept my peace after that as it was really between the bank and them and of course the neighbors when they would find their way blocked by the wide-bodied swift.
Innocuous things like buying a tie, pen, lipstick or dress can reflect our deeper thoughts. Are we buying because we absolutely want to because the product appeals to us and complements our life-style and our comfort zone or there are other untold motives like making sure that others would notice how classy, super-selective we are? And often it may come to pass that nobody bothers at all and all the money spent and trouble taken comes to a disappointing nothing.
So when you take decisions just reflect also upon the reality factor; if you are doing something for making a statement or really and objectively it needs to be done. The yardsticks that we are judged by are small, very tiny actions and doings that give us away. When our actions become obvious statement-making ploys, we are only inviting derision and sometimes even trouble.
Many of our decisions are based on thoughts that arise within us influenced by our need to be recognized. It is our vanity at work. Once when I was a lot younger I was asked this question – What is the difference between Pride and Vanity? But that was then and I was completely foxed. The teacher then took the trouble of explaining it to me that that pride was what we thought of ourselves and vanity was what we wanted others to think of us.
Since then I have always kept a close watch on my thoughts about myself and would try to fit them into either “pride” or “vanity” category. It is quite a difficult task if we are sincere about it.
This leads us straight to the subject under discussion. A few stories will explain my point better. Let us use these stories to understand and put us on our guard.
Here is a young man; comes from an established industrial family and the only son. It is not difficult for him to think of himself as a cut above the rest. Then he goes to USA for his MBA. Eventually he returns home and joins his father to run the organization. He is allowed to run his own companies that he is allowed to form. His father had already a staff around so he was expected to use the same. This created a subtle two layer clash of interests as his father was keeping a strict control over the running of the company and the staff was not sure who to follow. The knee jerk of the son was to try and control more of what was happening in his companies. So every now and then he would call his executives and instruct them in detail about everything and confuse the issue; even going to the extent of dictating the letters on behalf of his executives and crossing the “T”s and dotting the “I”s as how situations should be managed in the field. This was not only annoying but time wasting as often he would keep his executives locked up in his office for hours in so-called meetings. He was, as I saw it, making a statements galore; some for his pride and some for his vanity. It was needed for his pride to show that he was running the show and not just a puppet around there; and for his vanity he needed to make sure that his executives recognized his talents, education and grasp of the situation. He would go to great lengths to show-off his inside knowledge even of the details of the field even though he never left the comfort of his office. An awful chasm would be created in what needed to be done and what the boss thought should be done. The poor executives were literally sandwiched in between the directives and at the same time under the pressure to show results. The mess his personality was in soon began to show in the results of the company’s balance sheet; a first class blue-print for fiasco.
So on further analysis what essentially needs to be understood is the question : are we making statements or doing things that need to be done?
One very good formula to separate the requirement based actions from the statement based actions is by asking the question: Am I trying to impress others with this action? Am I keeping at the back of my mind what effect it will have on others? A little introspection will do.
Let us say you go to the doctor for some pain in the back. Nobody knows about it and you are stoic enough to keep it yourself. There the doctor takes x-rays and advises rest and medication. You do all these and come to office the next week, refreshed and happy and when asked where and what you were up to, you smile and tell them that you had a holiday as you felt the need for it. That being that. This is a requirement based activity and nothing of statement-making comes into the picture.
In contrast I will tell you another story. A lady manager of a bank was required to go to inspect the veracity & genuineness of a client who had asked for a loan for a car. At first glance the address was from a lower middle class neighborhood and that too in an area not known for its nice ways. So she asked me to go along with her. There was really no way our car could go inside the colony. We left it out on the main road and went in. The streets were not more than 10 feet wide and cluttered up with shops spreading out all over the road. The client had asked to buy a Swift Maruti which had been launched recently and was quite the rage of the lot considering themselves as avant-garde. Here too, in this case, the buyers were relatively young people, quite evidently buying a swift more to make a statement than anything else as they were quite happy using a motorbike for ease of maneuvering in traffic. I could not contain myself and did ask where they were going to park the car. On the street outside they told me candidly. I kept my peace after that as it was really between the bank and them and of course the neighbors when they would find their way blocked by the wide-bodied swift.
Innocuous things like buying a tie, pen, lipstick or dress can reflect our deeper thoughts. Are we buying because we absolutely want to because the product appeals to us and complements our life-style and our comfort zone or there are other untold motives like making sure that others would notice how classy, super-selective we are? And often it may come to pass that nobody bothers at all and all the money spent and trouble taken comes to a disappointing nothing.
So when you take decisions just reflect also upon the reality factor; if you are doing something for making a statement or really and objectively it needs to be done. The yardsticks that we are judged by are small, very tiny actions and doings that give us away. When our actions become obvious statement-making ploys, we are only inviting derision and sometimes even trouble.
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