Turning Point
ON BEING ASKED: There comes a moment in life when everything changes for you. You start seeing the world with fresh eyes. It is as if you have jumped out of yourself and acquired a whole new persona. It is like the caterpillar growing wings and turning into the butterfly.
Have you experienced such a turning point in your life?
MY REPLY:
Well, to be honest nothing of the kind ever happened to me although I have heard it happening. My life began in an Ashram ( Sri Aurobindo Ashram, Pondicherry). But yes one little thing stands out. I was given a book by The Mother of the ashram when I was sixteen. At that age I read it but the words and the word pictures were not conveying much. The words were understood but not their implication. Specially one sentence stood out......... " Then you will see that the world is standing upside down." Of course I could see that every one as on their legs quite upright then what was She saying. The sentence was at the back of my mind and has been. Gradually as life unfolded, I could see that people were lying left, right and centre; very often for no reason. I wondered if this is what Mother meant. Then I realised that people are maintaining a facade. They wish to be seen as honest, hardworking, sincere, capable etc. While in their heart they were looking for shortcuts, were totally insincere and insecure about themselves as they knew well that the qualities they were expecting others to see in them were not there. They knew well that they were living a charade but simply did not have the guts to live otherwise. What an upside down way to live?!
My own experience of life is that we are most of the time playing chess within our lives for no reason. For example when I was 10 or so, some boys wanted to steal mangoes. In the very first try we got caught. I decided then and there that there is no value in this cat and mouse game. Next time I wanted a mango, I just went and asked the owner and he gave me one! Similarly, I see people fibbing on the telephone. The cell phone has made this even more imperative. First I see that everyone wants to be connected but when they do get a call, specially from somebody they do not want to talk to, they play games such as saying they in the traffic, or make funny noises and shut the phone off or just keep on saying hullo many times as if they are not getting any signal from the other party. Why i ask myself are people complicating their lives so much?
I can give other examples but I am sure you would have got the gist.
I laugh when I see people hungry and lusting after the opposite sex, running after them in frenzy with all their guile and means at their disposal; then considering themselves lucky to have gotten their prize in marriage only to realise later that it was no Happy Ever After deal at all. But they go through the motions of being happily married and reiterate their love as and when required and dedicate their lives to their children who are tiring them out, totally unhappy with their lot. For argument's sake let me admit there are exceptions & luckily this may not be wholly true with all but there is an element of truth in it in a big way as the soul which gives life to our existence is never happy with all this waste of emotional energy and time in keeping up appearances.
The same can be seen in the jobs they hold; proud to be what they are or at least they make a show of it with full awareness that they are a nobody, a cog in a big wheel, totally replaceable. Look at the possessions they have; they collect and collect goods around them and soon tire of them or want something better but in company or even to themselves would be loathe to admit that they are not entirely happy with their lot. The hollowness of our lives shows very clearly in our collection of acquaintances and the friends we make. Life's needs and social necessities force us to behave totally contrary to our nature. The show of camaraderie is faked and tiresome but we go along because we dare not otherwise.
If this is not living upside down, then what is?
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Corporate lawyers and what they do
CORPORATE LAWYERS AND WHAT THEY DO
The other day I had the refreshing opportunity to meet a young man aspiring to be a corporate lawyer. As a career how true does it hold for the Indian condition?
Till recently, from what I can see, the Indian corporations had not been allowed to go international and therefore remained small or fairly large entities with a controlling structure firmly in the hands of a patriarch or a small bunch of a family. The whims and fancies of the chief resulted in the decisions that the corporation then followed. The mind set was feudal and the management even more so. Nothing was straightforward. What the corporation purported to be doing and what it actually did to make a killing were two entirely different things. The Chartered accountant who knew what was going on would paint the correct picture for public consumption. The balance sheet would show red or black as the chief decided the need of the moment demanded and that was that. A public company was even more rampantly badly managed as the share holders were the final losers.
All companies were playing on the governments controls. The interest rates were high and monopolies were more the rule than the exception. The profit margins were high and clean business unheard of. In this scenario I would have failed to see a corporate lawyer making any headway. The companies would invest half their money in manufacturing or trading as shown on paper. The other half would be invested in other companies doing well for some reason or the other or in land. Fixed deposits would fetch up to 18% per annum. A profit that is difficult to achieve even by well managed companies today. Supplier’s payments would be delayed as long as possible so that interest could be earned on the amount and that would help the company keep financially afloat. All rules and laws were observed in the breaking more or less; the fear of the law taking speedily its course hardly being a deterrent.
The legal system of India with its tortoise speed actually encourages breaking of economic laws. Businesses actually want to go to court. Keeping arguments sub judice is in their interest. This way they can continue holding on to funds that does not belong to them or supply substandard products and services at favorable margins. When the time comes of a settlement it is done out of court. By then, in the interweaving years which may be anything from 10 to 20 years, the company has doubled or tripled its capital base by earning interest on the blocked capital. It even tempts the corporations to edge over to take criminal risks.
The activities are rarely illegal per se but highly unethical nevertheless. The corporate lawyer as I can see in the present context can only be a paid executive of the company doing nearly the same as any lawyer working independently. The only difference being that he becomes a specialist for that corporation’s activities. Still the question remains if he will ever get a chance to become an advisor and policy maker because that is where the actual fun is. Often the owners of the company play on the vanities of younger people to win their trust and promote them to director levels; they become unknowingly fronts for the owner and worse, get caught in the criminal net!
The opening of the economy has brought a different culture. A culture of a corporation working by certain principles laid down by the board is not exactly new to India but now is becoming quite accepted. All the international MNCs that have opened shop are bringing a whiff of some unknown managing customs. Good for us! In this change of managing methods, there is of course a place for the corporate lawyer. But gain I ask a question. In India where the legal system remains out of tune to the exigencies of the time, how much can a corporate lawyer really do? And if he will not be allowed to do much, is there a career in it? A corporate lawyer is at best a management expert with knowledge of the law for the time being and for some time it will remain so.
The answer is elsewhere. It is in the Law firms which are fast becoming a force worth emulation and aping. They act as consultants to corporations and also take their cases to court. The corporation’s prefer to pay them a consultancy and get expert advice and support rather then depend on untried employees with no chance to broaden their scope of experience in a small enclosed environment. The corporate lawyer is really coming into his own in these law firms.
While we are on the subject, why not think International? With international trade growing and corporations from other countries active here and vice versa, here is fodder for the next generation as long as they are not influenced mainly by the vision of a high profile life as seen in the movies and TV serials coming to us from the western countries where the jet-set corporate lawyer is a power to reckon with. He not only knows the law but also assists the corporations to walk the fine fence of “just legal”. He carries a lot of prestige and even political clout as he holds a place nobody else can boast of in the hierarchy of the corporation. He is the only one who understands and often the only one privy to the complete picture. Of course the position then gives him huge corporate benefits such as limos and secretaries with his own jet and what not.
If only life could be restricted to such glamorous visions!
The other day I had the refreshing opportunity to meet a young man aspiring to be a corporate lawyer. As a career how true does it hold for the Indian condition?
Till recently, from what I can see, the Indian corporations had not been allowed to go international and therefore remained small or fairly large entities with a controlling structure firmly in the hands of a patriarch or a small bunch of a family. The whims and fancies of the chief resulted in the decisions that the corporation then followed. The mind set was feudal and the management even more so. Nothing was straightforward. What the corporation purported to be doing and what it actually did to make a killing were two entirely different things. The Chartered accountant who knew what was going on would paint the correct picture for public consumption. The balance sheet would show red or black as the chief decided the need of the moment demanded and that was that. A public company was even more rampantly badly managed as the share holders were the final losers.
All companies were playing on the governments controls. The interest rates were high and monopolies were more the rule than the exception. The profit margins were high and clean business unheard of. In this scenario I would have failed to see a corporate lawyer making any headway. The companies would invest half their money in manufacturing or trading as shown on paper. The other half would be invested in other companies doing well for some reason or the other or in land. Fixed deposits would fetch up to 18% per annum. A profit that is difficult to achieve even by well managed companies today. Supplier’s payments would be delayed as long as possible so that interest could be earned on the amount and that would help the company keep financially afloat. All rules and laws were observed in the breaking more or less; the fear of the law taking speedily its course hardly being a deterrent.
The legal system of India with its tortoise speed actually encourages breaking of economic laws. Businesses actually want to go to court. Keeping arguments sub judice is in their interest. This way they can continue holding on to funds that does not belong to them or supply substandard products and services at favorable margins. When the time comes of a settlement it is done out of court. By then, in the interweaving years which may be anything from 10 to 20 years, the company has doubled or tripled its capital base by earning interest on the blocked capital. It even tempts the corporations to edge over to take criminal risks.
The activities are rarely illegal per se but highly unethical nevertheless. The corporate lawyer as I can see in the present context can only be a paid executive of the company doing nearly the same as any lawyer working independently. The only difference being that he becomes a specialist for that corporation’s activities. Still the question remains if he will ever get a chance to become an advisor and policy maker because that is where the actual fun is. Often the owners of the company play on the vanities of younger people to win their trust and promote them to director levels; they become unknowingly fronts for the owner and worse, get caught in the criminal net!
The opening of the economy has brought a different culture. A culture of a corporation working by certain principles laid down by the board is not exactly new to India but now is becoming quite accepted. All the international MNCs that have opened shop are bringing a whiff of some unknown managing customs. Good for us! In this change of managing methods, there is of course a place for the corporate lawyer. But gain I ask a question. In India where the legal system remains out of tune to the exigencies of the time, how much can a corporate lawyer really do? And if he will not be allowed to do much, is there a career in it? A corporate lawyer is at best a management expert with knowledge of the law for the time being and for some time it will remain so.
The answer is elsewhere. It is in the Law firms which are fast becoming a force worth emulation and aping. They act as consultants to corporations and also take their cases to court. The corporation’s prefer to pay them a consultancy and get expert advice and support rather then depend on untried employees with no chance to broaden their scope of experience in a small enclosed environment. The corporate lawyer is really coming into his own in these law firms.
While we are on the subject, why not think International? With international trade growing and corporations from other countries active here and vice versa, here is fodder for the next generation as long as they are not influenced mainly by the vision of a high profile life as seen in the movies and TV serials coming to us from the western countries where the jet-set corporate lawyer is a power to reckon with. He not only knows the law but also assists the corporations to walk the fine fence of “just legal”. He carries a lot of prestige and even political clout as he holds a place nobody else can boast of in the hierarchy of the corporation. He is the only one who understands and often the only one privy to the complete picture. Of course the position then gives him huge corporate benefits such as limos and secretaries with his own jet and what not.
If only life could be restricted to such glamorous visions!
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Too Much is being said
Beethoven’s Pastoral.
Have you heard Beethoven’s Pastoral? It is piece of quiet melody with a lot of power. It takes you back to the slower times a few centuries ago when the choices were limited and so were the topics of conversation and the number of people you could talk to. People did not read and write and the conversation was limited to one’s very personal surroundings such as hunting, dogs, local skirmishes and gossips, the weather and stories. Life was slow paced and keeping one’s counsel was more the norm. Silence was known and appreciated. One can still get this experience if one can find a quiet spot in the lap of nature where mechanical advancements of the last 200 years have not made an appearance.
In contrast we are today inundated with the incessant noise and the continuous bandying of words. Everybody has so much to say. Everybody knows so much and understands so little; this is the crux. We are surrounded by second-hand information and wisdom and we are actively perpetuating it as our own. The Media is serving us wisdom on a platter and there is always something to talk about. We quote great Gurus and sound erudite. It is all so superficial. It is the germ which goes into making of intellectual snobs. These are intelligent people, good with words and supremely nubile in connecting individual words to other related words in a continuous stream of sentences which is unending. It is also a word-wall which hides the real person. It is also a dead give-away to lack of depth; we see this in others and yet do not believe for a moment that we ourselves could be afflicted.
I have noticed two trends. One how everyone talks assuming that the other is a total ignoramus, two how speedily faults are found in the statements of others; as if superciliousness is in fashion.
We are so busy pouncing on words, we fail to give ourselves time to go behind the meaning of the whole sentence or paragraph.Of course, taken in isolation, any meaning can be attributed to any statement. The mind is playing with the words and not using them for what they are: vehicles to pass on the images from one mind to another. The result is a lot of conversation yet little is said. I have a firm belief, things should be said when there is a live "QUESTION" necessating or/and demanding an answer!Otherwise there is a lot of noise made, many words written which are not paid attention to and soon forgotten. I think we humans need to learn to conserve our energies in this domain.Of course there is this need to expand the mind and this can be done only by extensive reading and listening to others. To begin all this info and knowledge is certainly necessary.The importance cannot be estimated in words and figures. All begins here. But some people take this collecting of info as the wisdom itself and lose their way.So we need to be on our guard otherwise we shall be counting the trees and miss the forest.
Another aspect of our lives is the extent of exposure an individual gets. What kind of lives do people live on the average? A very small world indeed! It is my experience that very few people are able to actually connect with most of the words and ideas represented. For most it will be a lot of beautiful sounding theories with little or no connectivity with their personal thoughts and experiences. At best it can be an intellectual exercise; what can be called “poetic gymnastics”.Your experiences when put into words cannot wholly transfer the whole images and pictures that are stamped in your memory; therefore even though you may be using commonly understood words, the end result is not always evident. You may even see the eyes going blank.
Which brings me to another pet peeve; too much is being told! There is a limit to how much can be safely told and said. Wisdom and knowledge is gathered in stages. Every piece of info is now available in books and on the internet. I suppose everyone wants to be heard and feels that he has much to say. But there is wisdom also in considering if, the recipient is ready; this is a kind of knowledge which I feel should not be given out to all and sundry. They would not know its value. Rather if misunderstood and the chances are very high, they might even harm themselves.
My belief is firm in the harm the unbridled use of the spoken and written word is causing. Take for instance Depression. Every morning morbid pieces of heart churning news is published in the dailies and often repeated on the TV with lurid pictures. In general it has a depressive effect. It also creates unknown fears; then why do we continue with it? And worse, we make it available 24 hrs, day in and day out. How will the knowledge that a plane went down in Russia, Britney is having baby or that a politician’s son has taken an overdose of cocaine help me understand the world and myself better and improve my life and sort?
Recently I had a conversation with someone who was sad and thinking of suicide. She was maintaining her level of sadness by harboring and focusing on her morbid thoughts. Instead of trying to engage the mind elsewhere she was feeding her mind by delving on the subject in everyway she could. One of this was by listening to songs that would revive the sad moments. This is what I had to say to her: Because you are sensitive to "words", not to listen to anything with words in it. Specially love songs and such, as these would tend to revive dormant memories and sadness/nostalgia. Don’t listen even to instrumental versions of the songs that bring words to your mind.Stick to pure music and you will see this will bring a change.Words are there to help us see and go beyond our own limitations but every time we go out to disseminate info, I think we should also consider this question “Is it useful, Is there a need for it here, because the problem is in showing to others what they are not trained or ready to see?
Have you heard Beethoven’s Pastoral? It is piece of quiet melody with a lot of power. It takes you back to the slower times a few centuries ago when the choices were limited and so were the topics of conversation and the number of people you could talk to. People did not read and write and the conversation was limited to one’s very personal surroundings such as hunting, dogs, local skirmishes and gossips, the weather and stories. Life was slow paced and keeping one’s counsel was more the norm. Silence was known and appreciated. One can still get this experience if one can find a quiet spot in the lap of nature where mechanical advancements of the last 200 years have not made an appearance.
In contrast we are today inundated with the incessant noise and the continuous bandying of words. Everybody has so much to say. Everybody knows so much and understands so little; this is the crux. We are surrounded by second-hand information and wisdom and we are actively perpetuating it as our own. The Media is serving us wisdom on a platter and there is always something to talk about. We quote great Gurus and sound erudite. It is all so superficial. It is the germ which goes into making of intellectual snobs. These are intelligent people, good with words and supremely nubile in connecting individual words to other related words in a continuous stream of sentences which is unending. It is also a word-wall which hides the real person. It is also a dead give-away to lack of depth; we see this in others and yet do not believe for a moment that we ourselves could be afflicted.
I have noticed two trends. One how everyone talks assuming that the other is a total ignoramus, two how speedily faults are found in the statements of others; as if superciliousness is in fashion.
We are so busy pouncing on words, we fail to give ourselves time to go behind the meaning of the whole sentence or paragraph.Of course, taken in isolation, any meaning can be attributed to any statement. The mind is playing with the words and not using them for what they are: vehicles to pass on the images from one mind to another. The result is a lot of conversation yet little is said. I have a firm belief, things should be said when there is a live "QUESTION" necessating or/and demanding an answer!Otherwise there is a lot of noise made, many words written which are not paid attention to and soon forgotten. I think we humans need to learn to conserve our energies in this domain.Of course there is this need to expand the mind and this can be done only by extensive reading and listening to others. To begin all this info and knowledge is certainly necessary.The importance cannot be estimated in words and figures. All begins here. But some people take this collecting of info as the wisdom itself and lose their way.So we need to be on our guard otherwise we shall be counting the trees and miss the forest.
Another aspect of our lives is the extent of exposure an individual gets. What kind of lives do people live on the average? A very small world indeed! It is my experience that very few people are able to actually connect with most of the words and ideas represented. For most it will be a lot of beautiful sounding theories with little or no connectivity with their personal thoughts and experiences. At best it can be an intellectual exercise; what can be called “poetic gymnastics”.Your experiences when put into words cannot wholly transfer the whole images and pictures that are stamped in your memory; therefore even though you may be using commonly understood words, the end result is not always evident. You may even see the eyes going blank.
Which brings me to another pet peeve; too much is being told! There is a limit to how much can be safely told and said. Wisdom and knowledge is gathered in stages. Every piece of info is now available in books and on the internet. I suppose everyone wants to be heard and feels that he has much to say. But there is wisdom also in considering if, the recipient is ready; this is a kind of knowledge which I feel should not be given out to all and sundry. They would not know its value. Rather if misunderstood and the chances are very high, they might even harm themselves.
My belief is firm in the harm the unbridled use of the spoken and written word is causing. Take for instance Depression. Every morning morbid pieces of heart churning news is published in the dailies and often repeated on the TV with lurid pictures. In general it has a depressive effect. It also creates unknown fears; then why do we continue with it? And worse, we make it available 24 hrs, day in and day out. How will the knowledge that a plane went down in Russia, Britney is having baby or that a politician’s son has taken an overdose of cocaine help me understand the world and myself better and improve my life and sort?
Recently I had a conversation with someone who was sad and thinking of suicide. She was maintaining her level of sadness by harboring and focusing on her morbid thoughts. Instead of trying to engage the mind elsewhere she was feeding her mind by delving on the subject in everyway she could. One of this was by listening to songs that would revive the sad moments. This is what I had to say to her: Because you are sensitive to "words", not to listen to anything with words in it. Specially love songs and such, as these would tend to revive dormant memories and sadness/nostalgia. Don’t listen even to instrumental versions of the songs that bring words to your mind.Stick to pure music and you will see this will bring a change.Words are there to help us see and go beyond our own limitations but every time we go out to disseminate info, I think we should also consider this question “Is it useful, Is there a need for it here, because the problem is in showing to others what they are not trained or ready to see?
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Tommorow
TOMORROW NEVER COMES
There was a song in the movie Yellow Rolls Royce, which affected me deeply. It says, “Let’s forget about domani, for domani never comes.” It should be made the theme song for procrastinators. Specially for people who leave everything for the last moment if not later. Our life-style and work culture till now has been of the laid-back style and we have quite got into the habit of taking things easy, knowing fully well that we will be able to find some way of passing the buck.
Putting things off for later is an ostrich complex kind of behavior, which is really a sign of immaturity.
It also shows lack of dedication or over-confidence in one’s ability to manage one’s time or worse it is a show put on for the undeserving to give an aura of time unavailability due to prior engagements. This attitude career-wise is self-inflicted damage.
Do you really believe if you delay the execution of the matter, it will go away? Well, for argument’s sake, I will accept that certain situations do correct themselves if not interfered with but paper-deadlines don’t fall in this category. Do you really believe you can squeeze in more minutes in the day than the next person? If you can, of course you really know how to manage your time and are very aware of the time to be allotted to each activity and you really also know how to execute every job precisely and with focus. To you I would say this note is not for you. To the snobs who think that they can impress others by a show of being busy, I have only a word of caution; you are fooling nobody and eventually even those who are impressed at first, will know that you are bluffing and all your credits will go down the drain.
The following resources will help you make the most of your time and bring you success in the work place:
A) Assertiveness: This means getting your thoughts across accurately and properly. The actions are always preceded by forethought and research. But all this is to be packaged without aggressiveness.
B) Communication: The ability to communicate well is of the utmost importance. This means not knowing only what to say, but also knowing how to and when to say it. Very few people take the trouble of improving their language and delivery skills. You ignore this fact to your peril.
C) Time watching: Time allocation takes on a totally new meaning when you wish to stop the habit of procrastination. You have to steel yourself against letting yourself waste time or not keep appointments. When you make a list of the “TO DOs”, you have to work hard at finishing them. Personal feelings and emotional slidings have to be curtailed at all costs.
If procrastination has become a habit, it has to be seen in this light and treated as a bad habit. Are you game?
There was a song in the movie Yellow Rolls Royce, which affected me deeply. It says, “Let’s forget about domani, for domani never comes.” It should be made the theme song for procrastinators. Specially for people who leave everything for the last moment if not later. Our life-style and work culture till now has been of the laid-back style and we have quite got into the habit of taking things easy, knowing fully well that we will be able to find some way of passing the buck.
Putting things off for later is an ostrich complex kind of behavior, which is really a sign of immaturity.
It also shows lack of dedication or over-confidence in one’s ability to manage one’s time or worse it is a show put on for the undeserving to give an aura of time unavailability due to prior engagements. This attitude career-wise is self-inflicted damage.
Do you really believe if you delay the execution of the matter, it will go away? Well, for argument’s sake, I will accept that certain situations do correct themselves if not interfered with but paper-deadlines don’t fall in this category. Do you really believe you can squeeze in more minutes in the day than the next person? If you can, of course you really know how to manage your time and are very aware of the time to be allotted to each activity and you really also know how to execute every job precisely and with focus. To you I would say this note is not for you. To the snobs who think that they can impress others by a show of being busy, I have only a word of caution; you are fooling nobody and eventually even those who are impressed at first, will know that you are bluffing and all your credits will go down the drain.
The following resources will help you make the most of your time and bring you success in the work place:
A) Assertiveness: This means getting your thoughts across accurately and properly. The actions are always preceded by forethought and research. But all this is to be packaged without aggressiveness.
B) Communication: The ability to communicate well is of the utmost importance. This means not knowing only what to say, but also knowing how to and when to say it. Very few people take the trouble of improving their language and delivery skills. You ignore this fact to your peril.
C) Time watching: Time allocation takes on a totally new meaning when you wish to stop the habit of procrastination. You have to steel yourself against letting yourself waste time or not keep appointments. When you make a list of the “TO DOs”, you have to work hard at finishing them. Personal feelings and emotional slidings have to be curtailed at all costs.
If procrastination has become a habit, it has to be seen in this light and treated as a bad habit. Are you game?
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
If you dont mind
IF YOU DON’T MIND….
Communication is the link between two people yet we go to inordinate lengths to make it complex and difficult. I have never understood the logic behind this ice-breaker that I hear often: “If you promise not to mind then I have something to say”, which of course implies that whatever is to be said is unpleasant. This opening gambit has always pleasantly surprised me. Why would anyone insist on saying something knowing that it would not be pleasant? Of course the gambit also permits the speaker to remain on the good side of the listener and criticize him to his heart’s content. The use psychology in this is beautiful. Very rarely does a recipient ever say: “if there are chances that I may not like what is to be said then I do not want to hear it”; rather his curiosity aroused, he insists that he be told and that he is man enough to take any criticism. It is another matter that very few can really maintain their equanimity once they hear the permitted critical evaluation.
The number of people who actively invite criticism, avowing that they wish to improve themselves is also quite many. But it is generally a show of openness that is totally faked. If anyone has ever the kindness to point out their fault, they normally have arguments ready to counter it and their annoyance is complete. On the other hand intelligent people behave as if they have no idea of human nature. We employ servants and then expect them to be as knowledgeable and intelligent or passionately involved in our home or work as we are. Had the servant been a person of this caliber, would he be your servant?
I have been against the negative management styles that I see around me. Especially the way we take the opposite side of any argument or statement to show that we are better than the others. Our management style is by scolding for mistakes made. We have some established notions of what is correct and what merits chastisement and we follow-up on it with gusto. If we go back in time a little, there was a time that most senior managers came from a similar social status and educational backgrounds and there were not many faults to find in each other. But today this has become the very opposite. People from vastly different economic, cultural and financial backgrounds come together and there is always bound to be something amongst our brethrens that may rub us the wrong way. The mature guy takes it in his stride but most tend to compare the other with their own selves and get irritated. The result is – “scoldings and flare-ups” all around us. The manager takes the route of righteousness and encloses himself in indignation and the employee gets dejected because he simply never is made to understand the “why” of it. Is it so difficult to understand that we can discuss things and that there is no real need to chastise because we are in a position to do so? I have seen many people who can say their point of view only in anger. They will normally keep quiet and let things slide and then one day they burst in anger and all the dammed up complaints come out in one go in a vehement show of anger. It is so immature, this behavior. An unpleasant action should be brought to notice and be discussed right there and then and as far as possible without anger; this eliminates misunderstandings and stops the incident from being repeated in its track. Of course, if the other side continues to insist on his behavior then a stronger dose of show of displeasure is called for.
We even take this style in the upbringing of our children.
When we pre-empt others in speech or action and try to control them in many other million ways, we are only exercising the primary human tendency to regulate & control everything around us. We have a very high opinion of ourselves most of the time. It is only when disaster strikes that for a while we see our faults and reflect. But for the rest of our lives we are quite certain about our wisdom and abilities and we even prove it and justify ourselves by quoting earlier “Greats & Gurus” as if we were on par with them while we have nothing to say from our own fount of experience and learning, except perhaps a few biting words and make the world aware of our own merits in comparison to the demerits of the rest of the world!
The solution to these situations is to develop a little charity in our thinking. Kindness and creativity is needed. We need to help the other learn if he is willing. Berating will only create stiff opposition and bad blood. We need friends around us; in it lies our own happiness.
Communication is the link between two people yet we go to inordinate lengths to make it complex and difficult. I have never understood the logic behind this ice-breaker that I hear often: “If you promise not to mind then I have something to say”, which of course implies that whatever is to be said is unpleasant. This opening gambit has always pleasantly surprised me. Why would anyone insist on saying something knowing that it would not be pleasant? Of course the gambit also permits the speaker to remain on the good side of the listener and criticize him to his heart’s content. The use psychology in this is beautiful. Very rarely does a recipient ever say: “if there are chances that I may not like what is to be said then I do not want to hear it”; rather his curiosity aroused, he insists that he be told and that he is man enough to take any criticism. It is another matter that very few can really maintain their equanimity once they hear the permitted critical evaluation.
The number of people who actively invite criticism, avowing that they wish to improve themselves is also quite many. But it is generally a show of openness that is totally faked. If anyone has ever the kindness to point out their fault, they normally have arguments ready to counter it and their annoyance is complete. On the other hand intelligent people behave as if they have no idea of human nature. We employ servants and then expect them to be as knowledgeable and intelligent or passionately involved in our home or work as we are. Had the servant been a person of this caliber, would he be your servant?
I have been against the negative management styles that I see around me. Especially the way we take the opposite side of any argument or statement to show that we are better than the others. Our management style is by scolding for mistakes made. We have some established notions of what is correct and what merits chastisement and we follow-up on it with gusto. If we go back in time a little, there was a time that most senior managers came from a similar social status and educational backgrounds and there were not many faults to find in each other. But today this has become the very opposite. People from vastly different economic, cultural and financial backgrounds come together and there is always bound to be something amongst our brethrens that may rub us the wrong way. The mature guy takes it in his stride but most tend to compare the other with their own selves and get irritated. The result is – “scoldings and flare-ups” all around us. The manager takes the route of righteousness and encloses himself in indignation and the employee gets dejected because he simply never is made to understand the “why” of it. Is it so difficult to understand that we can discuss things and that there is no real need to chastise because we are in a position to do so? I have seen many people who can say their point of view only in anger. They will normally keep quiet and let things slide and then one day they burst in anger and all the dammed up complaints come out in one go in a vehement show of anger. It is so immature, this behavior. An unpleasant action should be brought to notice and be discussed right there and then and as far as possible without anger; this eliminates misunderstandings and stops the incident from being repeated in its track. Of course, if the other side continues to insist on his behavior then a stronger dose of show of displeasure is called for.
We even take this style in the upbringing of our children.
When we pre-empt others in speech or action and try to control them in many other million ways, we are only exercising the primary human tendency to regulate & control everything around us. We have a very high opinion of ourselves most of the time. It is only when disaster strikes that for a while we see our faults and reflect. But for the rest of our lives we are quite certain about our wisdom and abilities and we even prove it and justify ourselves by quoting earlier “Greats & Gurus” as if we were on par with them while we have nothing to say from our own fount of experience and learning, except perhaps a few biting words and make the world aware of our own merits in comparison to the demerits of the rest of the world!
The solution to these situations is to develop a little charity in our thinking. Kindness and creativity is needed. We need to help the other learn if he is willing. Berating will only create stiff opposition and bad blood. We need friends around us; in it lies our own happiness.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Stepping Back
Defocusing & Stepping Back
to see things better
The age old advice to sleep over matters to gain a better perspective is a very important one. The mind needs time to mull over things and stepping back and giving it time to reflect is an important step in better management of life and self.
The human mind and thinking process is easily contaminated by personal vanity and desires emanating thru it. Often we make issues inordinately personal and then we focus so hard on a single factor in life to the exclusion of all else, that we shut ourselves out from the actual world and live in a castle in our mind refusing to come out or even acknowledge that anything like a world out there exists.
We become obsessed with our doings and our pride makes us think that if we did not act, nothing would happen; we see ourselves as the initiator.
This state of affairs can only bring pain and disappointment. The mind by itself is rarely able to break away from its own centralised focus and wallows in its singular quicksand, getting deeper and deeper into its own vortex. Unfortunately, the cosmos continues to go on in its merry way and this leaves us sad, lost and depressed.
It is at this stage or before this stage is reached, that it is necessary to break off the tentacles of these thoughts that we have encastled ourselves in, out of a sense of prestige and from strong desire.
This is done by retraining the mind to defocus and re-enlarge its view. We need to stop the mind from turning on itself and going in circles; perhaps even stop its incessant thinking. Then when the mind is in a state of openness, let new thoughts and ideas at least be given a cursory hearing. Slowly the mind will deflect itself and realign itself with the world at large. New interests will take birth and all will be contentment again.
to see things better
The age old advice to sleep over matters to gain a better perspective is a very important one. The mind needs time to mull over things and stepping back and giving it time to reflect is an important step in better management of life and self.
The human mind and thinking process is easily contaminated by personal vanity and desires emanating thru it. Often we make issues inordinately personal and then we focus so hard on a single factor in life to the exclusion of all else, that we shut ourselves out from the actual world and live in a castle in our mind refusing to come out or even acknowledge that anything like a world out there exists.
We become obsessed with our doings and our pride makes us think that if we did not act, nothing would happen; we see ourselves as the initiator.
This state of affairs can only bring pain and disappointment. The mind by itself is rarely able to break away from its own centralised focus and wallows in its singular quicksand, getting deeper and deeper into its own vortex. Unfortunately, the cosmos continues to go on in its merry way and this leaves us sad, lost and depressed.
It is at this stage or before this stage is reached, that it is necessary to break off the tentacles of these thoughts that we have encastled ourselves in, out of a sense of prestige and from strong desire.
This is done by retraining the mind to defocus and re-enlarge its view. We need to stop the mind from turning on itself and going in circles; perhaps even stop its incessant thinking. Then when the mind is in a state of openness, let new thoughts and ideas at least be given a cursory hearing. Slowly the mind will deflect itself and realign itself with the world at large. New interests will take birth and all will be contentment again.
Saturday, August 2, 2008
Karmic Analysis in Self-upgrading
In a general way most understand the theory of Karma from the point of what was “DONE”. A little introspection and quiet contemplation will reveal two things: 1) that the course of our lives is based more on the things that were NOT DONE; the decisions which were not taken. 2) that at every moment we are given a simple choice of saying “yes” or “no” ; this determines the course of our lives.
If our lives are in a mess or things are not going forward as we had hoped, all we need to do is look back and discover the steps we did not take when we should have and the steps that have brought us to this impasse. The course correction is then obvious and the best way to deal with the moment is by taking the path that we should have but did not take and do it as soon as possible with intensity and sincerity as this effort will go a long way to negate some of the effects of the past doings or not-doings.
The truth is that deep in our hearts we all know where we are going wrong and where we have gone earlier. We are well aware of our lacunas but cover it with coats of appearances as if what the others “see” of us is more important than living our lives to our heart’s content. We put all our energies in keeping up the pretence of being on top of the world and look for magical solutions; if not solutions then at least excuses that will allow us to hold our head high and show to the world how well we are holding on in this unkind world.
Mankind is terribly clever. Statements like – “Everything is preordained”; “If it is in our destinies it will happen”; “It is all in the stars”; “God wished it this way” and many others in the same hue serve us well to sit back and lament our condition rather than do something about it. Our minds can place arguments from old sayings and proverbs and other great minds to prove our point as if arguing and convincing our neighbor is the final answer to our woes.
When the time comes for action we run to soothsayers, astrologers, and practioners of occult tricks and look for smart-quick fixes. Millions of work hours and good money is spent in poojas and practices to change the flow of our miserable lives. Tell me truly, do you really believe that your pooja down here will change the position of Saturn up there? If not then how do you expect a change to occur? The reality is that you have been given a non-negotiable state. No choice here; the parents, the place of birth, brothers, sisters, later the teachers, friends all these are already fixed. Before you know or understand what is going on decisions have been piled up on you and your personality formed by the dictates of others. After the harm has been done, you are expected to go out and make something out of this bad bargain and be successful in this world.
It is obvious that lamenting or trying to wash the sins off in the Ganges won’t help. Asking help of the stars through appeasement won’t help either because they are the ones who put you where you are in the first place. So comes the big question; what can you do?
First of all stop talking of past lives and often taking this as the perfect pretext towards our helplessness and as an excuse to the un-changeability of the course of our fate and lives. This is very convenient thinking and an oversimplification which suits mankind very well as it absolves them from the effort to make the necessary change and correction in their lives.
Sit down and analyze your karmic path up to date. Study your own nature and note the actions and reactions that you are prone to. Work out the steps that you can take with immediate effect to alleviate or bring in the wanted change and go ahead & take the first step. This is psycho-analysis of a kind. You will realize soon enough what is wrong and why. Then the solution will become obvious in a flash and you will be free to start all over again with a new path opening out in front of you. Your effort is an integral part of your destiny. You will realize that you have been given some positive streaks in your nature which are your strengths and also some negative streaks which are your weaknesses. You are required to learn from life’s incidences and overcome the negative turns in your life by using your strong attributes and by suppressing the harmful possibilities that happen from your negative attributes.
If our lives are in a mess or things are not going forward as we had hoped, all we need to do is look back and discover the steps we did not take when we should have and the steps that have brought us to this impasse. The course correction is then obvious and the best way to deal with the moment is by taking the path that we should have but did not take and do it as soon as possible with intensity and sincerity as this effort will go a long way to negate some of the effects of the past doings or not-doings.
The truth is that deep in our hearts we all know where we are going wrong and where we have gone earlier. We are well aware of our lacunas but cover it with coats of appearances as if what the others “see” of us is more important than living our lives to our heart’s content. We put all our energies in keeping up the pretence of being on top of the world and look for magical solutions; if not solutions then at least excuses that will allow us to hold our head high and show to the world how well we are holding on in this unkind world.
Mankind is terribly clever. Statements like – “Everything is preordained”; “If it is in our destinies it will happen”; “It is all in the stars”; “God wished it this way” and many others in the same hue serve us well to sit back and lament our condition rather than do something about it. Our minds can place arguments from old sayings and proverbs and other great minds to prove our point as if arguing and convincing our neighbor is the final answer to our woes.
When the time comes for action we run to soothsayers, astrologers, and practioners of occult tricks and look for smart-quick fixes. Millions of work hours and good money is spent in poojas and practices to change the flow of our miserable lives. Tell me truly, do you really believe that your pooja down here will change the position of Saturn up there? If not then how do you expect a change to occur? The reality is that you have been given a non-negotiable state. No choice here; the parents, the place of birth, brothers, sisters, later the teachers, friends all these are already fixed. Before you know or understand what is going on decisions have been piled up on you and your personality formed by the dictates of others. After the harm has been done, you are expected to go out and make something out of this bad bargain and be successful in this world.
It is obvious that lamenting or trying to wash the sins off in the Ganges won’t help. Asking help of the stars through appeasement won’t help either because they are the ones who put you where you are in the first place. So comes the big question; what can you do?
First of all stop talking of past lives and often taking this as the perfect pretext towards our helplessness and as an excuse to the un-changeability of the course of our fate and lives. This is very convenient thinking and an oversimplification which suits mankind very well as it absolves them from the effort to make the necessary change and correction in their lives.
Sit down and analyze your karmic path up to date. Study your own nature and note the actions and reactions that you are prone to. Work out the steps that you can take with immediate effect to alleviate or bring in the wanted change and go ahead & take the first step. This is psycho-analysis of a kind. You will realize soon enough what is wrong and why. Then the solution will become obvious in a flash and you will be free to start all over again with a new path opening out in front of you. Your effort is an integral part of your destiny. You will realize that you have been given some positive streaks in your nature which are your strengths and also some negative streaks which are your weaknesses. You are required to learn from life’s incidences and overcome the negative turns in your life by using your strong attributes and by suppressing the harmful possibilities that happen from your negative attributes.
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