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Listening to the Universe

Listening to the Universe.


This conversation started when I posted the paragraph below on my group site:
Ever been on the verge of finishing a jigsaw puzzle only to discover the last piece has gone missing? And remember how frustrating it feels to not find it after hours of searching, only to discover it a day later hiding under the sofa's dust ruffle? A small but possibly life-changing piece of your own personal puzzle will fall into place, but only when you're not hunting for it. Don't try and force this; it'll happen quite nicely on its own.


Thanks & Regards
PK :

Cora:
Then what about age old wisdom 'seek and ye shall find'.

Aren’t all of life's paybacks about how much of a doer than a bystander you are?

PK:
There is a time for action and repose.
Time for reaching out and time for assimilation.
Let the Universe also be a partner in your life.

Cora:
What’s more gratifying? Putting your wits to test and figuring out the last jigsaw piece or stumbling across it?

You’ve hit a spot I’ve been exploring for months. Do the universe and its energies actually connive to assist you in your quest?


PK:
The Universe would if it could.
It is gratifying for the ego to think that it is the doer.

But the ego would not achieve much if the universe did not help and was not working in the background. Most often we are so busy interfering that the poor Universe is not able to help even it wants to.

Just ask this question?

How much of your life has been due to your own effort - your birth, your name, choice of place, brothers/sisters, friends, choice of opportunities etc. Things are already laid out to a plan. You have the choice to say yes or no at every moment. That's all.

Cora & PK together:
I give my answer along side yours below:



Cora: I’ve always been a believer in atheism. Thus there is no room for luck, fate, fortune, destiny, superstition, religion, god in my scheme of things.

PK: Fine let's base our conversation on this belief. But then why block or limit yourself by any belief? A belief maybe true or not; so let's go by our experiences. Let us say you get introduced to somebody at the office - then you meet the person again. Out of the blue an offer of promotion and change is made which is to your liking. Now this situation is not of your making although your charm and attitudes would have been greatly the elements that made it happen.
How would you explain the chance meeting?

Cora: So what I'm trying to say is that much of what happens in anyone's life is pretty much either their own doing (being lazy or arrogant), or someone else's action (being opportunistic or large-hearted) or has a scientific explanation to it (drought, famine, etc)

PK: These are definitely very important factors and behind all action taken or not taken. But where did the situation come from in the first place wherein these factors came into play?

Cora: When I started hearing about the universe's energies i didn't find any scientific evaluation for this theory nor any human contribution and hence my line of questioning.

PK: Science? Its purview is limited to the material world? How can it explain everything? That would make every scientist into an absolute Brahma!



Cora:
If we go by this example, then the answer for me is rather simple.

The person joined my company out of his/her willingness or someone else's decision (i strongly believe that when people say 'I didn't decide about it, things just fell into place" it means that someone else has acted for you)

The 'chance' meeting is 2 people's intentions and efforts to meet. Here again I could've chosen to avoid meeting the person due to other issues at hand. By choosing to meet this 'influential' person and appearing interested and enthusiastic I have favored a good result for myself. Thankfully for me the other person has also accepted it in the same attitude and reciprocated positively. Let’s accept it, unless there is a vested interest from either parties, promotions and moves don't come around at the drop of a hat. So it comes to conclude that all things that happen are on accord of your doing or someone else's or scientific. There’s no such thing as the 'chance' meeting or the 'favorable' time.

Situations come from thought and action leading to more thought and action and situations.

If science or man or nature doesn't have an answer to the theory of universal energy, then i think what we mean is the collective energy of human thought and action.

Brahma and science, at the end of the day, are man's discoveries, one to bow before and the other to rule with.

PK:
If you are comfortable with this then it is quite the right explanation

Cora:
Can you site a personal example where you believe you or anyone around had no hand in the situation that came upon you?

PK:
It is how you take it. There is always a chain of action and reaction that can be traced in every event. It is how you interpret it; which depends on your beliefs.
People believed the earth is flat or the earth is the centre of the solar system etc. Fine. It did not change anything.
All actions and results are not immediate and therefore not obvious. The human mind tends to see only the obvious.
But when gratitude seeps into your character, you become more generous in your thinking. You see a bigger and vaster field of action.
As for examples, it would be difficult to show you the Universe at work because you would find excuses and reasons not to see it in your present frame of mind.

Let me give you some instances anyway:
I was living alone. No telephone. No servants. One day I suddenly get 104 fever and am absolutely incapacitated. I did not have the ready cash to go to a doctor in hand (these were the times when there were no ATMs or mobiles)... I was there, in bed and asking for the Universe to work it out. A friend, whom I knew only randomly and who had never visited me before, appeared in his car, took me to a doctor, took care of all the money part, brought me back and went away. He has never visited me again.

Once I was just recovering from a bout of food poisoning. I desired to eat a rassagolla. The feeling just happened to be there. A friend came by with rassagollas. Just like that.

I attribute it to the Universe. You can attribute the incidences to your own logic. I don’t think it matters one way or the other to the Universe.


Cora:
I'm undergoing a life-altering phase right now. No amount of thought and action seems to help. I would like to explore if I sit back and let the universe take over, will things be sorted out. It’s that missing piece of the puzzle that I'm desperately hunting for.

Needless to say I do not hold your thought responsible if this doesn't turn out true for me. Like you said it could just be a matter of core belief.

Thanks a ton, for this perspective Pradeep. I do hope someday I can see the world through your shades too. Cause though I can't fully accept it right now, it does seem quite enlightening.


PK:
First feel grateful for all the positive things you have.
Then stop to rest for a while in the pursuance of your goals.
To listen to the Universe, Silence is needed.
The din in your head has to be quietened.

Brute husbands

Some of you maybe interested in the conversation below.

Thanks & Regards
PK :



Dear PK,
Do you have a solution (to change in a systematic manner) for tackling with and surviving husbands who bully and shout at wives at the drop of a hat? They just look for mistakes only all the time and never miss an opportunity to shout and insult. This way the dignity of the wife is not respected. I know this man comes from a house where his mother, even at the age of 70, gets shouted at all the time by his father. He has been raised this way. They think this is manly behavior. At time he is raises his hand and causes physical hurt in various ways. One is left with no choice than to complain with police but most of the times I've noticed in most cases even the police don't take it seriously as these men are connected.

Is there a possibility of bringing some sense to these relationships? Even if the wife doesn't react these guys become irritated and go on using abusive word and provoke intentionally. I agree with you as I too know for sure that (your words)"I have often felt that many people are actually looking for a good scrape. This is how they revalidate themselves."
But I am talking about cases where even without the fault of others they misuse their positions.
Looking for guidance.







From a level-headed general view, your question would be replied like this:

What you describe is a fait accompli. The cast has solidified and change is not possible. Some cosmetic changes maybe possible if the husbands cooperate but the basic nature of the men is strongly embedded with certain habits and will not change. Any efforts at change will only produce very opposite reactions and contradictory results.
The husbands have evolved into what they are and who will show them the error of their ways and how?

They have willing women who stick to them nevertheless. Why should they change? They are quite happy as they are. Humans normally do not think or want to bring in change in themselves after their personalities have formed. After the age of 21 or so it is more a question of proving themselves and they will put all their effort in it - never in change.
Societal pressure can bring in some restraint but most societies are too lazy to enforce anything. Nobody wants get embroiled in other's problems. Specially if it concerns the authority of men then of course all men collectively will support their dominance.
Human nature is such that it will justify itself and try to prove that the fault is always of the other guy - in this case of the women. Who will contradict them or get into an argument to prove them wrong or whatever?

The police always treat it as an internal family matter. For frankly, they cannot really do anything except lock up the men on charges of battery and assault – if the women bring in this charge and there is physical, medically proven hurt to show which will stand up in court. Battering women is manly sport and the mindset of the police in India is no different.

What are the women doing? Do they realize they are tacitly approving the behavior of their men? Sure, the question does come up if they have any options in life open to them to take any kind of action; we have to understand their fear of losing the roof over their heads and finding themselves abandoned in the wild of the streets.

I have always felt that most people are where they are because they have sort of agreed to their state. Otherwise they would do something about it. Unless they crave for a change and make the first moves, nothing can be done.

Now what can we do for these women? Do the women have any ideas?

The only medicine these men will understand is force bruter than their own. Is this an advisable route? Where and how to generate this force? Fear is the key here. If we can instill fear in them of severe repercussions, we might open a window into their personas that would force them to act otherwise.

Oh How I wish I could take a few bouncers with me and give them a good dunking and put some fear of god into them.

Then please also see the other side of the picture. Women are no angels. Relationships normally begin on a rosy note. They deteriorate later because women do not realize that the man who is initially totally under her spell will one day wake up. By then women tend to pick up habits or patterns of behavior of their own within the relationship. They start expecting too much. Later when the attraction of their charms has waned, their habits like sulking, pouting and not paying attention to anything but their own wants & wishes can be severe irritants.

When arguments result, which is unavoidable, both take rigid stands as if their positions are inviolate. Resentments start to get entrenched in their respective memories. From this point on, the relationship becomes antagonistic.

Counseling should come in at this stage. Fear of God and kindness of dispositions & other considerations can do a lot to save the situation. But where these are missing, selfishness and arrogance will have their full play and only the worst can be imagined.

Why do we shout when angry

Why do we shout when we are angry?


I received this question in the mail; and this little story. The story is beautiful and does explain poetically many things but I felt that the question needs to be studied a little more closely and objectively.
First the story:

A saint asked his disciples, 'Why do we shout in anger?
Why do people shout at each other when they are upset?'
'But, why shout when the other person is just next to you?' Why do you shout at a person when you're angry?'
Finally he explained, 'When two people are angry at each other, their
hearts get distanced.
To cover that distance they must shout to be able to hear each other.
The angrier they are, the louder they will have to shout to hear each
other through that great distance.'
Have you noticed two people in love?
Because their hearts are very close to each other they talk softly. They do not speak, only whisper and they get even closer to each other in
their love. Deep love does not even need whispering.

I was pondering over this question yesterday. A small visit into my own self made me realize something.

We shout mainly to hit hard. It is a physical action. The need to hurt the other guy is strong. It is only thoughts of our self preservation that keep us in control. Quite often even this control line is also crossed. People with low mental discipline cross this line with greater speed and ease. Their egos are easily bruised and they have very little to lose as they have very little to live for. It is best to keep a distance from these people as they will let fists fly at the smallest excuse.
I have often felt that many people are actually looking for a good scrape. This is how they revalidate themselves. Their indignation is a wonderful act of contrived acting. When we are nitpicking and focusing on faults of others, anger comes easily and with justification. Vaingloriously and righteously we march forward to correct, change and educate this uncouth world.
It is so exhilarating to let one-self go when we see we have the upper hand in a particular argument; especially if the recipient of the anger is not in a position to fight back. In contrast you should see the softness of attitude exuded by Beings who have Compassion and benevolence as the foundation of their persona.
I have observed anger suddenly popping up from somewhere deep inside me. More often by the helplessness I feel. The galling fact of having to accommodate and tolerate gives rise to most bombs of anger.
Mostly anger is the only method available to show how deeply we have been wronged. Verbal abuse is the natural culmination of this aspect. When our intellect or position in society has been attacked we have to let fly. But we cannot go beyond certain limits as we live, although I say it erroneously, in polite society. We want to follow rules of decent and logical behavior which the other person is not prepared to; he may be crossing the line rather more than just subtly by infringing on our rightful space. The legal system cannot always be counted on to provide relief. Our seething is also a show of our helplessness. Living with louts is such a pain.
But then the next question is why and about what is all this anger. Is it worth it? Can’t we live without it? I have understood that with wisdom the need or putting it another way, the irritants become less and less. When we see the continuity of life and the state of the Creation, a little introspection and a visit into our subconscious will show that we are acting and reacting more by certain habits than a real need to be angry. We have been conditioned that way and we are only carrying forward some patterns received from the human chain.
I have often observed irritation precedes a full show of anger in me. And if there is no backlash, it grows in intensity as it is poured out. Often when my little one is “NOT LISTENING”, I am able to restrain myself saying she is but a child but the other side of logic says that she has to be corrected and shown the error of her ways. (I suppose we feel this way towards the whole world). But now she is telling me back that if I do not “listen” to her she will get angry at me. She is reflecting my own behavior. We want her to listen to us and she wants us to listen to her. It is an impasse. So what is the right way to tackle this situation?
We can break this pattern by dint of effort to rationalize and teach ourselves new tricks. Subconscious patterns can over-power us before our will power and reason has a chance to kick-in. So this process needs time and continuous vigilance. The effects of our effort will start showing when we become less serious about the vagaries and stupidities of life and see the whole as a bit of a comedy.
As a parting shot I may add that it has been noticed that men tend to give physical form to their anger while women stick to more verbal methods.

Greeting my child

Greeting My Child.

Today I can emphatically say that I am angry. What is gone wrong with adults? The insensitivity shown towards my child or for that matter other children simply makes me want to strangle them; don’t be fooled my exterior that is smiling benevolently. What has got my blood boiling you ask?

The thing is that most evenings, my daughter wants to go to my wife’s office to pick her up. As this happens to be after work hours of the bank, my child loves to play around in the open spaces of the bank with no one around to stop her while my wife finishes her day’s quota of work and closes down for the day. All this is fine but take for instance yesterday. On the way in, first we meet the guard who keeps the doors locked and permits only known people to enter. He greets her with a big smile but these words – “Hullo. Who do you want to meet? Your mother? But your mother is not there; the bank is closed.”

You can see the excitement that was shining on the face of the child disappear and concern wash over. I am angry but say nothing. Will it serve any purpose to teach the gentleman that this is not a good way to greet the child by scaring him/her? Where is the fun in this greeting?

Do we as adults greet other by saying things like – Hullo you know your wife just left with another man/ or Did you know your father just locked you out of the house and went away? . We do not think this proper, do we? Then why do we feel this is amusing when we deal with the child who is supposed to be learning from us through our behavior?

Let’s get back to our story. Then we enter the bank and there another lady colleague is encountered and all she has to say is – “Hullo, baby, where are you going? Your mother is not there! My poor child is now upset and looking at me. I wink at her and keep my mouth closed although I am seething inside. I quietly pull her away and we walk on and enter the big hall where my wife has her desk but she is not at in her chair. Her colleague who is sitting nearby and well known to the child says to my daughter: “Oh you have come for your mother? But she is not there.” My child is now really more than upset. Thank God that she does not so easily trust anybody. She holds my hand tight in concern. I tell her that mummy has gone to the toilet and she will be here soon. This time I show my displeasure but only in my eyes as I make it clear that I am not happy at seeing him. But did he get the message or just thought of me as uncouth.

The worst is yet to come. Some new recruits were around. My daughter had just painted a wooden house and was eager to show her handiwork, which she does to her mother. The new recruit, a young lady of some merit, asks my daughter who made it. And of course she says, I made it. With her limited vocabulary to her “make” “paint” all are the same. The young lady shows her adultness by remarking “No you did not make it. You are lying”. A straight accusation without a second thought. I dare to do the same with another adult. I was livid with disgust.

Had it not been in the bank, and out of consideration for my wife, I would have lashed out at these so called wise and intelligent adults of the human race. What’s with these adults? Is this all they know about talking to children? Is this their idea of a joke(sic)? Are these the people who are setting shining examples for the next generation? God save this human race!

Hidden Messages

.Have you ever experienced the situation when you wrote something and the other party misunderstood it or interpreted it differently, sometimes to the extent of even getting hurt or/and insulted. This is what comes when we are too sensitively inclined and read overmuch between the lines for Hidden Messages. “HIDDEN MESSAGES”? What in the name of heaven for?

But this is also a pointer to how we complicate our lives by assigning meanings to things by letting our imaginations roam and fly of the handle. How we interpret situations with angles that are not there. What could be the reason behind it?

One reason comes explicitly to mind to me because I have used it as a gambit in the game of life. Others there may be but would not be so clearly obvious. It is that we want the other guy to say something specific and as we can’t put words in his mouth we goad him to come out with it by purposely taking the route of misunderstanding. We use the part accusation and part hurt-my-feelings style. The ploy is to show that we have misunderstood by accusing him indirectly or (why not) directly. In his defense and to keep the goodwill alive the other person then is sort of obligated to say something nice and reconciliatory which is more in line to what we want to hear. We may then continue the playacting by making a show of sulk so that the poor other guy, to keep the relationship alive elaborates further by saying even nicer things in his defense. Wives, every single one of them, use this technique to keep their husbands in line.

For this purpose the sentence “So you mean to say……..” to start an accusation works very well. After this sentence is in the air, the respondent has no other recourse but to go on the defensive and explain his point in very “EGO calming” tones. A lot of people have perfected this as an art. In many I have noticed this has become part of their persona. Don’t’ fall for it. You should respond by smiling coolly and changing the subject. Or if something has to be said, say something like” Oh come on! Don’t be an ass!!” and laugh it off. If you are not good at acting etc then stick to the straight and narrow and give him the explanation but remember you’ve been had.

This is something like using reverse psychology. For example I give here an imaginative example: HE- Will you come to the tailor with me; I have to try my new suit? YOU – I wish I could but I have already promised my wife to go out with her to the market. HE – So you don’t care what happens too my expensive investment in this suit?

Anyway, generally speaking I have seen the turmoil and tragedies we humans create by being ambiguous and ah, so clever; sometimes just for the heck of it. If we could only be clear and precise at all times. If we make it a habit which others will soon recognize, we would soon avoid so many unpleasant situations.
True, we may lose many acquaintances who waste our time and opportunities that would have perhaps brought us loss or fatigue but we may also be more contended and I think it is all worth it. True friends never go away; rather they relish the candid truth.


Clarity of expression is avoided only where heightened egos are at play. And when these are around, peace and happiness or great achievements never take place. Although I have to admit in the need for tact in life threatening situations it is better to lie and play the game then get into an ugly situation for nothing.

But whatever one may say I would rather do without all this complicated stress with a dagger pointing at me, calculating at all times what is to be said and what left unsaid and how to say it. I say just let it rip but do not let any hint of malice show in your words or attitude; unfortunately this is the stuff of saints and most humans would only scoff at me.

Let go

Let go and let live

This subject keeps popping up every now and then. How parents maintain control and run & ruin the lives of their children till “Death doth them part” is a perennial source of many miseries. You won’t need a magnifying lens or lantern to find people who practice strict hold on the psyche on their children and for that matter anywhere they can at home or work. I see this attitude so fairly common that I decided to put down some of the conversations I have had for all to note.

Here is one of the conversations:

Dear PK, I learnt a lot by your remark - "don't try to teach the world".

One of my close relative has been into alcoholism for the last 25 years, his wife and children have left him ages back, and he stays with his mother.

Both of them share a very close bond and in spite of him being in the habit of abusing his mother...even at such an old age, separation does not seem a viable solution, nothing seems to work....can you suggest any way out?

My response:
I don’t think anything will work now.
He has decided that he will forever be a baby. His mother is promoting it.
These are cases in which mothers are responsible for the low esteem and childishness promoted right from the day one is born.
Generally speaking, the misery he will go through when his mother is not there is just frightening.
You will have to let destiny play its part. Anyone who interferes will only burn his fingers.


Mothers can be very possessive, fathers very domineering and bosses dictatorial. Humans find it very difficult to let go. The misery that entails is rarely understood by those perpetrating it. The very psyche of the child is pummeled into a blob of jelly. The indigestible truth is that the influences of these parents goes on and on into many coming generations as their children perpetuate the same tendencies.
Here I give the essential extracts from another conversation:


Question:
Considering history and events that mankind chooses to write/record as history, humans are a warring species, a cruel species, capable of any atrocity. Yet we have all learnt by experience that in relationships a little appreciation goes a long, long way.

People who erroneously believe they can bludgeon or humiliate a partner into some form of submission are so far out of sync with reality . . . yet it is common; why is that?


Response:
It is the feel of indestructibility and power at work. Humans have a cruel streak. The elements of vanity and arrogance make them vulnerable. Whenever and wherever they get a chance to exercise their power over others, they do - often with sadistic tendencies; from Dictators downwards to the clerk, from the patriarch to the cook, from Director in a school to the bully… just about everyone.

Normally we are born with a lot of kindness but the harsh condition the child meets later changes the basic nature in many different ways. As the child grows older it learns to protect itself and then it absorbs behavior patterns from his immediate surrounding and learns to do things the way it sees others doing it. Until the child is also shown and taught that kindness can bring in more rewards than brute sadistic action, the child will never know better. It is all a matter of exposure and examples set by peers.

The hold of the subconscious is very strong and most of the time it is quietly & surreptiously running the show. That is why we need to be careful with what children might be absorbing. Kind and loving parents, even indulgent ones but firm on the “Ten Commandments” create the best foundations.

Unfortunately in real life the opposite is more apparent.

Criticizing instead of softly correcting, scolding/beating and doing the thinking for the child instead of letting him discover and play; thereby preempting him at every point are the worst things that leave indelible marks and form his adult nature. Experiences from the time the child is born get stacked up in the subconscious and influence his persona forever afterwards. It is a chain reaction of habits and tendencies that goes on and on from generations to generations.

First we do not permit the child to flower; clipping his wings at every step. Then we weaken him emotionally by acting as crutches and then we complain that our children are no good, irresponsible and spineless; we even wonder if ever they will grow up. First we stunt their personalities and then ask them to go and make a mark in the world –and that too in our image. How myopic can one get?

It has been my contention that we should learn to let go after the age of 40 and after 60 the letting go should be total; easier said than done though. Not only let go but even withdraw from controlling interests; continuing to live fully at the personal level but ready for the transition that has to come eventually sooner or later.

I have seen many marriages ruined or broken, many promising careers spoilt, many disturbed kids - all because of the interfering & meddling from parents; many family owned businesses that go bust because the old man at the helm would not make the changes with the times and the next generation was never groomed properly to take over.

It is so sad to see people who have had their day clinging to every vestige of their younger self, their positions and possessions; anxious and sleepless as to what will happen after them.

The graveyard is full of people who thought of themselves as indispensable.

What shall we call this? The human comedy or human tragedy!