Sunday, July 18, 2010
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
time management
Time management
Megha Pushpendra sir, would love to have your views on time management.
There you have pressed the right buttons. Here I go. The first thing that comes to mind is this: Can time be managed?
When you say time management, I would think that you would like to control it like you do a river by either damming it or dredging or cleaning or whatever that we can do to it to make it work for you. It never occurred to me that this could be done with time. I thought about this for some time and I still don’t get it.
Perhaps what you wish to say is “How can you manage yourself ?” considering the time at your disposal. This would seem the more logical approach and the only one I can think of. Now if this is what you mean, then I wondered why ask me; not that I am averse to the idea. It is flattering to know that somebody cares about my thoughts enough to ask me. Millions of words by so called experts are being written and floating around and you still feel I may have something to say that would matter? How refreshing!
So let’s discuss in this in all seriousness. Time cannot be managed. All those who complain that they do not have time know fully well that they are showing off their self-importance. This is one way of showing that they have more of this world in their grasp in comparison to all the others who form a very large group on this planet who have nothing to do and are either looking for work and opportunity or are not “clever/able/qualified” enough to merit any attention in this world of ours where “IT” shows if you have it.
Then there are the hapless people who are a little wooly up there. They wake up with lovely intentions but then even a small butterfly can make them forget everything else and can make them first run for their camera and secondly after the butterfly. A few flowers on the way simply dash the entire timetable of the day to the ground and that is that. Now it is left open to your imagination if a butterfly can do this what would let us say would happen if a child needs this person or even an adult came around needing solace?
It would not be difficult to infer from the above that it is all in the mind. It is all relative to what we consider important and would like to spend the available time on. Then there is also the question of habits. We are more creatures of habits than we really wish to acknowledge. We act on impulses that have been inculcated into us by our surroundings and education. We give importance to these impulses and make them our flight-plan. They then decide the ETA. You are a virtual prisoner. If you are unhappy with the way things are working out in your day to execution of time, then you need to look into all those tiny mental blips that point your way and chart your action plan. If you are not ready to look into that direction, then just forget it. Enjoy your 24 hours and get up next morning for another day of the same. A small example here would make my words clearer.
You are reading a book. You are engrossed in it. It is so interesting that it has you transfixed. Once in while you do remember to look at he clock. The hubby will come home, the children will want dinner. Ok. Ok. You are aware of all this. But few pages more – let’ say let’s finish this paragraph… well I could safely stretch it to the end of the chapter and so on so forth till you have royally messed up your time-table. So that is that and there is no way to recover lost ground. All you can do is forget it and go on with your life. Just order a pizza and have a party. The kids will love it. The hubby will just be happy to have a bite of something-anything, instead of trying to keep awake with coffee. The book has more management control, over you than you on it. You were party to it. Where is the problem?
So what do you say? Shall we forget this utterly pointless subject?
Megha Pushpendra sir, would love to have your views on time management.
There you have pressed the right buttons. Here I go. The first thing that comes to mind is this: Can time be managed?
When you say time management, I would think that you would like to control it like you do a river by either damming it or dredging or cleaning or whatever that we can do to it to make it work for you. It never occurred to me that this could be done with time. I thought about this for some time and I still don’t get it.
Perhaps what you wish to say is “How can you manage yourself ?” considering the time at your disposal. This would seem the more logical approach and the only one I can think of. Now if this is what you mean, then I wondered why ask me; not that I am averse to the idea. It is flattering to know that somebody cares about my thoughts enough to ask me. Millions of words by so called experts are being written and floating around and you still feel I may have something to say that would matter? How refreshing!
So let’s discuss in this in all seriousness. Time cannot be managed. All those who complain that they do not have time know fully well that they are showing off their self-importance. This is one way of showing that they have more of this world in their grasp in comparison to all the others who form a very large group on this planet who have nothing to do and are either looking for work and opportunity or are not “clever/able/qualified” enough to merit any attention in this world of ours where “IT” shows if you have it.
Then there are the hapless people who are a little wooly up there. They wake up with lovely intentions but then even a small butterfly can make them forget everything else and can make them first run for their camera and secondly after the butterfly. A few flowers on the way simply dash the entire timetable of the day to the ground and that is that. Now it is left open to your imagination if a butterfly can do this what would let us say would happen if a child needs this person or even an adult came around needing solace?
It would not be difficult to infer from the above that it is all in the mind. It is all relative to what we consider important and would like to spend the available time on. Then there is also the question of habits. We are more creatures of habits than we really wish to acknowledge. We act on impulses that have been inculcated into us by our surroundings and education. We give importance to these impulses and make them our flight-plan. They then decide the ETA. You are a virtual prisoner. If you are unhappy with the way things are working out in your day to execution of time, then you need to look into all those tiny mental blips that point your way and chart your action plan. If you are not ready to look into that direction, then just forget it. Enjoy your 24 hours and get up next morning for another day of the same. A small example here would make my words clearer.
You are reading a book. You are engrossed in it. It is so interesting that it has you transfixed. Once in while you do remember to look at he clock. The hubby will come home, the children will want dinner. Ok. Ok. You are aware of all this. But few pages more – let’ say let’s finish this paragraph… well I could safely stretch it to the end of the chapter and so on so forth till you have royally messed up your time-table. So that is that and there is no way to recover lost ground. All you can do is forget it and go on with your life. Just order a pizza and have a party. The kids will love it. The hubby will just be happy to have a bite of something-anything, instead of trying to keep awake with coffee. The book has more management control, over you than you on it. You were party to it. Where is the problem?
So what do you say? Shall we forget this utterly pointless subject?
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Friendships & Quarrels
Friendship, Discussions, Quarrels
When we are communicating with each other we have many stages to contend with. These could be classified as Exchange, Acceptance, Approval, Discussions, Arguments & Quarrels. It would be good question to ask in which mode or mood we are most of the time and have made it our general behavior pattern.
I have a friend of nearly forty years standing who has one of the finest brains, sharp and analytical. He can see through a problem and situation. With this he has a generous disposition and the result is that we have never had a single instance of voices being raised or any disagreement being voiced. How did we achieve that? 40 years without ever getting upset, angry or in an intellectual argument – can you believe that?
On the other hand there are people, close to me and we can be assured that a conversation with them will swiftly degenerate into an irritable football match. Now I am using in these examples, myself as the central figure so that we have a common factor. In both the above cases I am the other guy; so the fault cannot be fully in me and if it is not with the other person how does it come about that we end up arguing or/and raising voices?
With my friend it has been a story of acceptance and mutual help always in whatever capacity it can be done. The answer is always “yes” and then we try to find ways and means to achieve our ends. Regard for each other’s intelligence and intention are solidly & unwaveringly set in our minds. When we make promises we never forget them and try to keep our words without fail. Excuses and rationalizations are simply not in our mode of conduct. Is this so difficult to follow by all in everyday life?
I am not immune to losing my temper or getting irritated. It is the frequency with which it gets out of hand with some people and never with others. So I sat down to ponder over this big question. I find that most of the quarrels are resulting where these elements exist in any one of the individual involved in the discussion:
- Amour propre. This is the most common of factors. When we are full of love for ourselves, we need to be appreciated. That and that alone makes our world move. So even an innocuous question like “Do you know where are my car keys?” can have a serious bent to it with the other person deciding that he is being blamed for the problem and a reply would something like this-“ How would I know? Why blame me?” This would then irritate you as you were looking for help and it was a general question; the riposte takes you thinking on the track that how could this person think of you as insensitive or accusative. Your own Amour propre begins to bleed: so now depending if you are the fighter kind or the philosophical kind, you will either swallow your pride and go on with your life or come back with an irritated face and try to make the other guy see “The Light”. A useless and mood-spoiling scene will ensue and everyone will feel bad afterwards. Worse, a seed of natural disagreement and dislike will be sown which will add into the next exchange.
- Then there are those whose Amour propre is so inflated that whatever they do and say is infected by this element. The only way a relationship is possible with them is to keep them perennially contented by praise and acceptance which suits them fine or rather if you look deep into their hearts, that is what they have been aiming at all the time.
- Self-validating. We validate our amour-propre in many ways. You paint a picture and somebody likes it. You sing and somebody praises it. You cook dish and all relish it. These are ways of self-validating. Many like to find faults and prove themselves superior. They are tuned to say the opposite of whatever and never allow a fault or error to go un-noticed or un-announced. Witticism is generally at play here. These are the most annoying of all and my way with them is simple: avoid them; do not accept their existence. Give them no value at all. Pray that they will go and pester somebody else.
- Poor Listening is another factor. We jump to conclusions and start judging, mostly negatively even before we have heard the other guy out. This is mostly in evidence when you are not interested in listening at all as it might mean change or extra duties to live with it and who wants that? And if perchance you are able to show them the error of their ways, they will fight it out to prove that they were never wrong( that they can ever be wrong is out of the question) and that the basic mistake was in your presentation or use of a wrong word or something. Our preconceived notions kick in to join the fray and a reasonably good fire-laden argument can be envisaged.
- Knowingly Belligerent. When we know we are in the wrong what do we do? Try to cover up. And one of the most effective ways is by way of confusing the issue. In a place like the office or home this is possible and often done with great panache and much more often than not. We can even look for scapegoats. In the office we are safe from physical assault and other agencies cannot butt in and then we have witnesses all around. So it is safe and we may get away with apparently although behind our backs we may be disliked. But in issues and locales where mere words will not help, like a scrape in the open where a scooterist slips in front of your car and you end up throwing him off, what do you do because the big question is who is really in the wrong? You know it is not your fault but do you think the scooterist will let you have your way and quietly walk off? He will accuse you of hitting him from behind and you are in the soup! Other agencies in the form of a crowd and police may butt in and you might just end up paying heftily for something you are not at fault for. I hope you would know what to do because to date I have not waited to find out – if possible and if I am sure it was not my fault, I use the technique of shooting off in my vehicle and have often been chased but running away has been always my style and I advise you to do the same in all cases where a regular, sensible and equitable discussion is not possible or will not ever be allowed to be.
When we are communicating with each other we have many stages to contend with. These could be classified as Exchange, Acceptance, Approval, Discussions, Arguments & Quarrels. It would be good question to ask in which mode or mood we are most of the time and have made it our general behavior pattern.
I have a friend of nearly forty years standing who has one of the finest brains, sharp and analytical. He can see through a problem and situation. With this he has a generous disposition and the result is that we have never had a single instance of voices being raised or any disagreement being voiced. How did we achieve that? 40 years without ever getting upset, angry or in an intellectual argument – can you believe that?
On the other hand there are people, close to me and we can be assured that a conversation with them will swiftly degenerate into an irritable football match. Now I am using in these examples, myself as the central figure so that we have a common factor. In both the above cases I am the other guy; so the fault cannot be fully in me and if it is not with the other person how does it come about that we end up arguing or/and raising voices?
With my friend it has been a story of acceptance and mutual help always in whatever capacity it can be done. The answer is always “yes” and then we try to find ways and means to achieve our ends. Regard for each other’s intelligence and intention are solidly & unwaveringly set in our minds. When we make promises we never forget them and try to keep our words without fail. Excuses and rationalizations are simply not in our mode of conduct. Is this so difficult to follow by all in everyday life?
I am not immune to losing my temper or getting irritated. It is the frequency with which it gets out of hand with some people and never with others. So I sat down to ponder over this big question. I find that most of the quarrels are resulting where these elements exist in any one of the individual involved in the discussion:
- Amour propre. This is the most common of factors. When we are full of love for ourselves, we need to be appreciated. That and that alone makes our world move. So even an innocuous question like “Do you know where are my car keys?” can have a serious bent to it with the other person deciding that he is being blamed for the problem and a reply would something like this-“ How would I know? Why blame me?” This would then irritate you as you were looking for help and it was a general question; the riposte takes you thinking on the track that how could this person think of you as insensitive or accusative. Your own Amour propre begins to bleed: so now depending if you are the fighter kind or the philosophical kind, you will either swallow your pride and go on with your life or come back with an irritated face and try to make the other guy see “The Light”. A useless and mood-spoiling scene will ensue and everyone will feel bad afterwards. Worse, a seed of natural disagreement and dislike will be sown which will add into the next exchange.
- Then there are those whose Amour propre is so inflated that whatever they do and say is infected by this element. The only way a relationship is possible with them is to keep them perennially contented by praise and acceptance which suits them fine or rather if you look deep into their hearts, that is what they have been aiming at all the time.
- Self-validating. We validate our amour-propre in many ways. You paint a picture and somebody likes it. You sing and somebody praises it. You cook dish and all relish it. These are ways of self-validating. Many like to find faults and prove themselves superior. They are tuned to say the opposite of whatever and never allow a fault or error to go un-noticed or un-announced. Witticism is generally at play here. These are the most annoying of all and my way with them is simple: avoid them; do not accept their existence. Give them no value at all. Pray that they will go and pester somebody else.
- Poor Listening is another factor. We jump to conclusions and start judging, mostly negatively even before we have heard the other guy out. This is mostly in evidence when you are not interested in listening at all as it might mean change or extra duties to live with it and who wants that? And if perchance you are able to show them the error of their ways, they will fight it out to prove that they were never wrong( that they can ever be wrong is out of the question) and that the basic mistake was in your presentation or use of a wrong word or something. Our preconceived notions kick in to join the fray and a reasonably good fire-laden argument can be envisaged.
- Knowingly Belligerent. When we know we are in the wrong what do we do? Try to cover up. And one of the most effective ways is by way of confusing the issue. In a place like the office or home this is possible and often done with great panache and much more often than not. We can even look for scapegoats. In the office we are safe from physical assault and other agencies cannot butt in and then we have witnesses all around. So it is safe and we may get away with apparently although behind our backs we may be disliked. But in issues and locales where mere words will not help, like a scrape in the open where a scooterist slips in front of your car and you end up throwing him off, what do you do because the big question is who is really in the wrong? You know it is not your fault but do you think the scooterist will let you have your way and quietly walk off? He will accuse you of hitting him from behind and you are in the soup! Other agencies in the form of a crowd and police may butt in and you might just end up paying heftily for something you are not at fault for. I hope you would know what to do because to date I have not waited to find out – if possible and if I am sure it was not my fault, I use the technique of shooting off in my vehicle and have often been chased but running away has been always my style and I advise you to do the same in all cases where a regular, sensible and equitable discussion is not possible or will not ever be allowed to be.
Monday, December 21, 2009
wishes
On Christmas and the New Year now looming ahead of us - Warm and Heartfelt Happy Thoughts & Wishes to all my freinds(hic), relatives(relatively speaking) & foes(may your wine turn sour).
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Crime and Apology
Crime and Apology
The day has not begun well at all. First the news of a death of a friend stared at me when I checked my emails. I was drowning this piece of info in a cup of coffee and opened the newspaper. My temper went into a swirl and my moods went for a six. There were three bits of reporting that got my goat instantly
1. Nanny lends out an eight month old kid to beggars for use in begging while she sits at her employer’s home gorging on all the food in the house and watching TV. The working parents having no idea that their darling is having a day out everyday.
2. That another baby sitter somewhere in Europe had reported the child under her care as lost and was hiding him under her bed. The police finally located it. I wonder what was on their mind. Blackmail or worse a “sale”.
3. A father tries to get rid of his baby boy outside in the open near a canal to fend for itself as he is ashamed of what the society will say because he has fathered the child at the age of 45+.
What are we; Humans or monsters from Mars? Perhaps there are no monsters on mars only very kind people so I beg pardon.
I reiterate my pet peeve that parents should not have children if they cannot for any reason take care of them. It can be lack of finance or time. Why play with the life of a person who has just begun and who would have to bear the brunt of our madness & negligence for the rest of its badly begotten life. In all the above cases, the law they say will take its course. Whatever does that mean? The person will go to jail and live merrily for some years as a guest of the Government on taxpayer’s money.
And what about the child? The child poor thing would have to bear the weight of the tortures inflicted on him. He would be scarred for life before even he has had a chance to begin. If it were limited to just this much, there would still be hope but suppose in all this, he contracted pneumonia? The results would be weak lungs for life, bronchitis and such at the drop of a hat and what not. You are welcome to dream up other scenarios.
My pertinent question is “WHO WILL MAKE THESE MONSTERS PAY FOR THE INFAMOUS CONDUCT AND HOW”?
If we have not made them suffer abuse they will have nothing to regret about. I advocate that they be hung in a cage from the nearest tree for a few days and nights without food or care. In this matter I have no qualms of conscience or little kindness to share; whatever the promoters of “FORGIVING” may say.
It is so easy to say Sorry and get away with anything. When my maid broke my fine china cup, she said sorry and that was that. But I know and she knows that there was no remorse. At the bottom of it all is the thought that what if at all can I do to her in retaliation? She is careless and couldn’t care less. My loss is not hers and nothing in her consciousness will ever bother to change her attitude to property or feelings of others.
In continuation I would say our sense of respect and concern has reached a dismal low in this new age. It was never very high on the scale of Humaneness anyway. As we are saying “ Grab whatever you can; do it now; if somebody is hurt-it is his problem; who has seen tomorrow and what do we care?”
You are invited to contribute & participate in the book projects which are being taken up to provide a free advertising platform to established & emerging professionals, artists designers and others..
Vous etes invite a contribuer et participer dans ces livres destines a devenir des bouquins de référence.
1) My Favorite piece of Furniture..
Show off your favorite piece of furniture and let the world know about you. In the furniture book Objet d'art are also being considered.
2) Healing and Healers.
Write about your healing knowledge and practice and let the world know about you.
3) Nostalgia - Of the Time Gone By.
It is to be a collection of photographs from the past, dating before the 1950s. And let the world know of you.
In all the above books, the contributors will be prominently acknowledged and the books being designed to serve as reference books for customers looking for professionals..
(my personal emails)
citrinebooks@yahoo.com
pk@citrinebooks.com
Gratefully yours – PK
www.citrinebooks.com
Also as an artist, please visit: http://sites.google.com/site/artnershipshop/ & join us.
The day has not begun well at all. First the news of a death of a friend stared at me when I checked my emails. I was drowning this piece of info in a cup of coffee and opened the newspaper. My temper went into a swirl and my moods went for a six. There were three bits of reporting that got my goat instantly
1. Nanny lends out an eight month old kid to beggars for use in begging while she sits at her employer’s home gorging on all the food in the house and watching TV. The working parents having no idea that their darling is having a day out everyday.
2. That another baby sitter somewhere in Europe had reported the child under her care as lost and was hiding him under her bed. The police finally located it. I wonder what was on their mind. Blackmail or worse a “sale”.
3. A father tries to get rid of his baby boy outside in the open near a canal to fend for itself as he is ashamed of what the society will say because he has fathered the child at the age of 45+.
What are we; Humans or monsters from Mars? Perhaps there are no monsters on mars only very kind people so I beg pardon.
I reiterate my pet peeve that parents should not have children if they cannot for any reason take care of them. It can be lack of finance or time. Why play with the life of a person who has just begun and who would have to bear the brunt of our madness & negligence for the rest of its badly begotten life. In all the above cases, the law they say will take its course. Whatever does that mean? The person will go to jail and live merrily for some years as a guest of the Government on taxpayer’s money.
And what about the child? The child poor thing would have to bear the weight of the tortures inflicted on him. He would be scarred for life before even he has had a chance to begin. If it were limited to just this much, there would still be hope but suppose in all this, he contracted pneumonia? The results would be weak lungs for life, bronchitis and such at the drop of a hat and what not. You are welcome to dream up other scenarios.
My pertinent question is “WHO WILL MAKE THESE MONSTERS PAY FOR THE INFAMOUS CONDUCT AND HOW”?
If we have not made them suffer abuse they will have nothing to regret about. I advocate that they be hung in a cage from the nearest tree for a few days and nights without food or care. In this matter I have no qualms of conscience or little kindness to share; whatever the promoters of “FORGIVING” may say.
It is so easy to say Sorry and get away with anything. When my maid broke my fine china cup, she said sorry and that was that. But I know and she knows that there was no remorse. At the bottom of it all is the thought that what if at all can I do to her in retaliation? She is careless and couldn’t care less. My loss is not hers and nothing in her consciousness will ever bother to change her attitude to property or feelings of others.
In continuation I would say our sense of respect and concern has reached a dismal low in this new age. It was never very high on the scale of Humaneness anyway. As we are saying “ Grab whatever you can; do it now; if somebody is hurt-it is his problem; who has seen tomorrow and what do we care?”
You are invited to contribute & participate in the book projects which are being taken up to provide a free advertising platform to established & emerging professionals, artists designers and others..
Vous etes invite a contribuer et participer dans ces livres destines a devenir des bouquins de référence.
1) My Favorite piece of Furniture..
Show off your favorite piece of furniture and let the world know about you. In the furniture book Objet d'art are also being considered.
2) Healing and Healers.
Write about your healing knowledge and practice and let the world know about you.
3) Nostalgia - Of the Time Gone By.
It is to be a collection of photographs from the past, dating before the 1950s. And let the world know of you.
In all the above books, the contributors will be prominently acknowledged and the books being designed to serve as reference books for customers looking for professionals..
(my personal emails)
citrinebooks@yahoo.com
pk@citrinebooks.com
Gratefully yours – PK
www.citrinebooks.com
Also as an artist, please visit: http://sites.google.com/site/artnershipshop/ & join us.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Good morning+Kiss from my little one+invitation
Please contribute & participate in the book projects. 1) My Favorite piece of Furniture.
Show off your favorite piece of furniture.
2) Healing and Healers.
Write about your healing knowledge and practice.
3) Nostalgia - Of the Time Gone By.
It is to be a collection of photographs from the past, dating before the 1950s. In the furniture book Objet d'art are also being considered.
In all the above books, the contributors will be prominently acknowledged and the books being designed to serve as reference books for cutomers looking for professionals..
(my personal emails)
citrinebooks@yahoo.com
pk@citrinebooks.com
Gratefully yours – PK
www.citrinebooks.com
Also as an artist, please visit: http://sites.google.com/site/artnershipshop/
& join us.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
True to one's salt
Being true to his salt.
Loyalty and Honesty are words that are getting rather mauled up in the present age. Whatever happened to the established norms of loyalty and undiluted honesty because one had partaken “salt” from parents, families, friends and employers? Once we had taken the gift of sharing their “salt” we were bound to repay in kind; the elders gave us protection and the younger ones by service.
How principles, attitudes & mentality have changed. My younger brother who is not blood related, but I have been adopted as an elder brother so the tie is as strong, is a gold smith. He was doing very well with over 20 workers under his care. He is from the villages of Bengal and his workers mostly hail from there. My brother used to take orders from shops, execute them and that was that. It was simple, good honest work if you can ever think of a goldsmith as completely honest. But today, twenty years on, he has closed down his workshop. Why? Because the workers tend to run away with the material given to them for executing orders; 20 years ago this happened once in a blue moon, now it is rare to find a worker who would most probably not do it.
A young man from the forgotten corners of Bihar came in touch with me. He was good at computers repair and maintenance and kept my system in good form all the time. He wanted a credit card but did not have a permanent address so he asked me permission to show himself as living with me as a tenant. He got his credit card and for five years things were well. In the mean while the bank offered him enhanced credit of 150.000 rupees. He got tempted and used it up. In the meanwhile the boy got diagnosed with renal failure. His income came to nil. I had no inkling of it. When the bankers started chasing him for payment, then I learnt of what was happening. I asked the banker on what grounds had they given this guy so much credit? I told them I was just an address to receive his mails as he is always in the field and all correspondence is sent by special courier that requires the presence of somebody to receive. I have no idea about anything else. Now as far as I know, the boy has run back to his home somewhere in Bihar.
I feel that too much is being given too fast to people who have not been adequately “character wise” formed to receive the bounties. We have unleashed motorcycles and cars on the roads. Other facilities like mobile phones etc should have given mobility and communication ease to all. It has. Now the thieves and scoundrels are having a field day. Many who would have been otherwise too afraid to do anything but be decent citizens are now inspired by the gangsterism they see around them are taking it on as a profession. Even decent citizens let themselves go as you can see in road rage cases.
In contrast my mother tells me of a story from her childhood. The accountant who was responsible for collecting taxes used to go about alone in the horse buggy with another man. One evening it was getting late and the accountant was getting jittery as they would have to pass through a lonely stretch which was known for its dacoits. He kept on telling the driver to hurry and go faster but the other guy was just not paying heed. The poor accountant became certain that his time had come and he would suffer for ever in purgatory for letting his master down. Right in the middle of nowhere the buggy came to a stop. The accountant hollered to his companion that he was being untrue to his salt and what a mean fate has brought them together. The other guy just got down, gave a shout or two and soon there were men surrounding them. The accountant was shaking like a jelly. Guess what the driver did? He asked two of the men to accompany them till the town as there was a huge amount of cash to be protected! And they all reached home safely.
Another story my mother relates is about a raid by dacoits at her sister’s in-laws. The youngest child bride came weeping to the chief of the dacoits imploring him “Uncle, please do not take my things. My mother in law will kill me”. His response was
“Well now that you have called me uncle I am duty bound to protect you. Don’t worry”. He then told his lieutenants to leave anything belonging to this child bride alone and while leaving admonished the mother in law – “If, even a hair of this girl is ever harmed, I shall come back and settle scores!”
This was what it meant to be true to his salt and one’s own.
Loyalty and Honesty are words that are getting rather mauled up in the present age. Whatever happened to the established norms of loyalty and undiluted honesty because one had partaken “salt” from parents, families, friends and employers? Once we had taken the gift of sharing their “salt” we were bound to repay in kind; the elders gave us protection and the younger ones by service.
How principles, attitudes & mentality have changed. My younger brother who is not blood related, but I have been adopted as an elder brother so the tie is as strong, is a gold smith. He was doing very well with over 20 workers under his care. He is from the villages of Bengal and his workers mostly hail from there. My brother used to take orders from shops, execute them and that was that. It was simple, good honest work if you can ever think of a goldsmith as completely honest. But today, twenty years on, he has closed down his workshop. Why? Because the workers tend to run away with the material given to them for executing orders; 20 years ago this happened once in a blue moon, now it is rare to find a worker who would most probably not do it.
A young man from the forgotten corners of Bihar came in touch with me. He was good at computers repair and maintenance and kept my system in good form all the time. He wanted a credit card but did not have a permanent address so he asked me permission to show himself as living with me as a tenant. He got his credit card and for five years things were well. In the mean while the bank offered him enhanced credit of 150.000 rupees. He got tempted and used it up. In the meanwhile the boy got diagnosed with renal failure. His income came to nil. I had no inkling of it. When the bankers started chasing him for payment, then I learnt of what was happening. I asked the banker on what grounds had they given this guy so much credit? I told them I was just an address to receive his mails as he is always in the field and all correspondence is sent by special courier that requires the presence of somebody to receive. I have no idea about anything else. Now as far as I know, the boy has run back to his home somewhere in Bihar.
I feel that too much is being given too fast to people who have not been adequately “character wise” formed to receive the bounties. We have unleashed motorcycles and cars on the roads. Other facilities like mobile phones etc should have given mobility and communication ease to all. It has. Now the thieves and scoundrels are having a field day. Many who would have been otherwise too afraid to do anything but be decent citizens are now inspired by the gangsterism they see around them are taking it on as a profession. Even decent citizens let themselves go as you can see in road rage cases.
In contrast my mother tells me of a story from her childhood. The accountant who was responsible for collecting taxes used to go about alone in the horse buggy with another man. One evening it was getting late and the accountant was getting jittery as they would have to pass through a lonely stretch which was known for its dacoits. He kept on telling the driver to hurry and go faster but the other guy was just not paying heed. The poor accountant became certain that his time had come and he would suffer for ever in purgatory for letting his master down. Right in the middle of nowhere the buggy came to a stop. The accountant hollered to his companion that he was being untrue to his salt and what a mean fate has brought them together. The other guy just got down, gave a shout or two and soon there were men surrounding them. The accountant was shaking like a jelly. Guess what the driver did? He asked two of the men to accompany them till the town as there was a huge amount of cash to be protected! And they all reached home safely.
Another story my mother relates is about a raid by dacoits at her sister’s in-laws. The youngest child bride came weeping to the chief of the dacoits imploring him “Uncle, please do not take my things. My mother in law will kill me”. His response was
“Well now that you have called me uncle I am duty bound to protect you. Don’t worry”. He then told his lieutenants to leave anything belonging to this child bride alone and while leaving admonished the mother in law – “If, even a hair of this girl is ever harmed, I shall come back and settle scores!”
This was what it meant to be true to his salt and one’s own.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Shopping for color
My artist friends and I have got together to launch this Shop to promote our work.
Please visit this link.
http://sites.google.com/site/artnershipshop/
Give us your opinion/suggestions and critique.
ALSO: most important please pass this link to all your friends and contacts so that we get a wider exposure. We shall be very grateful.
The site is being updated continuously.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Listening to the Universe
Listening to the Universe.
This conversation started when I posted the paragraph below on my group site:
Ever been on the verge of finishing a jigsaw puzzle only to discover the last piece has gone missing? And remember how frustrating it feels to not find it after hours of searching, only to discover it a day later hiding under the sofa's dust ruffle? A small but possibly life-changing piece of your own personal puzzle will fall into place, but only when you're not hunting for it. Don't try and force this; it'll happen quite nicely on its own.
Thanks & Regards
PK :
Cora:
Then what about age old wisdom 'seek and ye shall find'.
Aren’t all of life's paybacks about how much of a doer than a bystander you are?
PK:
There is a time for action and repose.
Time for reaching out and time for assimilation.
Let the Universe also be a partner in your life.
Cora:
What’s more gratifying? Putting your wits to test and figuring out the last jigsaw piece or stumbling across it?
You’ve hit a spot I’ve been exploring for months. Do the universe and its energies actually connive to assist you in your quest?
PK:
The Universe would if it could.
It is gratifying for the ego to think that it is the doer.
But the ego would not achieve much if the universe did not help and was not working in the background. Most often we are so busy interfering that the poor Universe is not able to help even it wants to.
Just ask this question?
How much of your life has been due to your own effort - your birth, your name, choice of place, brothers/sisters, friends, choice of opportunities etc. Things are already laid out to a plan. You have the choice to say yes or no at every moment. That's all.
Cora & PK together:
I give my answer along side yours below:
Cora: I’ve always been a believer in atheism. Thus there is no room for luck, fate, fortune, destiny, superstition, religion, god in my scheme of things.
PK: Fine let's base our conversation on this belief. But then why block or limit yourself by any belief? A belief maybe true or not; so let's go by our experiences. Let us say you get introduced to somebody at the office - then you meet the person again. Out of the blue an offer of promotion and change is made which is to your liking. Now this situation is not of your making although your charm and attitudes would have been greatly the elements that made it happen.
How would you explain the chance meeting?
Cora: So what I'm trying to say is that much of what happens in anyone's life is pretty much either their own doing (being lazy or arrogant), or someone else's action (being opportunistic or large-hearted) or has a scientific explanation to it (drought, famine, etc)
PK: These are definitely very important factors and behind all action taken or not taken. But where did the situation come from in the first place wherein these factors came into play?
Cora: When I started hearing about the universe's energies i didn't find any scientific evaluation for this theory nor any human contribution and hence my line of questioning.
PK: Science? Its purview is limited to the material world? How can it explain everything? That would make every scientist into an absolute Brahma!
Cora:
If we go by this example, then the answer for me is rather simple.
The person joined my company out of his/her willingness or someone else's decision (i strongly believe that when people say 'I didn't decide about it, things just fell into place" it means that someone else has acted for you)
The 'chance' meeting is 2 people's intentions and efforts to meet. Here again I could've chosen to avoid meeting the person due to other issues at hand. By choosing to meet this 'influential' person and appearing interested and enthusiastic I have favored a good result for myself. Thankfully for me the other person has also accepted it in the same attitude and reciprocated positively. Let’s accept it, unless there is a vested interest from either parties, promotions and moves don't come around at the drop of a hat. So it comes to conclude that all things that happen are on accord of your doing or someone else's or scientific. There’s no such thing as the 'chance' meeting or the 'favorable' time.
Situations come from thought and action leading to more thought and action and situations.
If science or man or nature doesn't have an answer to the theory of universal energy, then i think what we mean is the collective energy of human thought and action.
Brahma and science, at the end of the day, are man's discoveries, one to bow before and the other to rule with.
PK:
If you are comfortable with this then it is quite the right explanation
Cora:
Can you site a personal example where you believe you or anyone around had no hand in the situation that came upon you?
PK:
It is how you take it. There is always a chain of action and reaction that can be traced in every event. It is how you interpret it; which depends on your beliefs.
People believed the earth is flat or the earth is the centre of the solar system etc. Fine. It did not change anything.
All actions and results are not immediate and therefore not obvious. The human mind tends to see only the obvious.
But when gratitude seeps into your character, you become more generous in your thinking. You see a bigger and vaster field of action.
As for examples, it would be difficult to show you the Universe at work because you would find excuses and reasons not to see it in your present frame of mind.
Let me give you some instances anyway:
I was living alone. No telephone. No servants. One day I suddenly get 104 fever and am absolutely incapacitated. I did not have the ready cash to go to a doctor in hand (these were the times when there were no ATMs or mobiles)... I was there, in bed and asking for the Universe to work it out. A friend, whom I knew only randomly and who had never visited me before, appeared in his car, took me to a doctor, took care of all the money part, brought me back and went away. He has never visited me again.
Once I was just recovering from a bout of food poisoning. I desired to eat a rassagolla. The feeling just happened to be there. A friend came by with rassagollas. Just like that.
I attribute it to the Universe. You can attribute the incidences to your own logic. I don’t think it matters one way or the other to the Universe.
Cora:
I'm undergoing a life-altering phase right now. No amount of thought and action seems to help. I would like to explore if I sit back and let the universe take over, will things be sorted out. It’s that missing piece of the puzzle that I'm desperately hunting for.
Needless to say I do not hold your thought responsible if this doesn't turn out true for me. Like you said it could just be a matter of core belief.
Thanks a ton, for this perspective Pradeep. I do hope someday I can see the world through your shades too. Cause though I can't fully accept it right now, it does seem quite enlightening.
PK:
First feel grateful for all the positive things you have.
Then stop to rest for a while in the pursuance of your goals.
To listen to the Universe, Silence is needed.
The din in your head has to be quietened.
This conversation started when I posted the paragraph below on my group site:
Ever been on the verge of finishing a jigsaw puzzle only to discover the last piece has gone missing? And remember how frustrating it feels to not find it after hours of searching, only to discover it a day later hiding under the sofa's dust ruffle? A small but possibly life-changing piece of your own personal puzzle will fall into place, but only when you're not hunting for it. Don't try and force this; it'll happen quite nicely on its own.
Thanks & Regards
PK :
Cora:
Then what about age old wisdom 'seek and ye shall find'.
Aren’t all of life's paybacks about how much of a doer than a bystander you are?
PK:
There is a time for action and repose.
Time for reaching out and time for assimilation.
Let the Universe also be a partner in your life.
Cora:
What’s more gratifying? Putting your wits to test and figuring out the last jigsaw piece or stumbling across it?
You’ve hit a spot I’ve been exploring for months. Do the universe and its energies actually connive to assist you in your quest?
PK:
The Universe would if it could.
It is gratifying for the ego to think that it is the doer.
But the ego would not achieve much if the universe did not help and was not working in the background. Most often we are so busy interfering that the poor Universe is not able to help even it wants to.
Just ask this question?
How much of your life has been due to your own effort - your birth, your name, choice of place, brothers/sisters, friends, choice of opportunities etc. Things are already laid out to a plan. You have the choice to say yes or no at every moment. That's all.
Cora & PK together:
I give my answer along side yours below:
Cora: I’ve always been a believer in atheism. Thus there is no room for luck, fate, fortune, destiny, superstition, religion, god in my scheme of things.
PK: Fine let's base our conversation on this belief. But then why block or limit yourself by any belief? A belief maybe true or not; so let's go by our experiences. Let us say you get introduced to somebody at the office - then you meet the person again. Out of the blue an offer of promotion and change is made which is to your liking. Now this situation is not of your making although your charm and attitudes would have been greatly the elements that made it happen.
How would you explain the chance meeting?
Cora: So what I'm trying to say is that much of what happens in anyone's life is pretty much either their own doing (being lazy or arrogant), or someone else's action (being opportunistic or large-hearted) or has a scientific explanation to it (drought, famine, etc)
PK: These are definitely very important factors and behind all action taken or not taken. But where did the situation come from in the first place wherein these factors came into play?
Cora: When I started hearing about the universe's energies i didn't find any scientific evaluation for this theory nor any human contribution and hence my line of questioning.
PK: Science? Its purview is limited to the material world? How can it explain everything? That would make every scientist into an absolute Brahma!
Cora:
If we go by this example, then the answer for me is rather simple.
The person joined my company out of his/her willingness or someone else's decision (i strongly believe that when people say 'I didn't decide about it, things just fell into place" it means that someone else has acted for you)
The 'chance' meeting is 2 people's intentions and efforts to meet. Here again I could've chosen to avoid meeting the person due to other issues at hand. By choosing to meet this 'influential' person and appearing interested and enthusiastic I have favored a good result for myself. Thankfully for me the other person has also accepted it in the same attitude and reciprocated positively. Let’s accept it, unless there is a vested interest from either parties, promotions and moves don't come around at the drop of a hat. So it comes to conclude that all things that happen are on accord of your doing or someone else's or scientific. There’s no such thing as the 'chance' meeting or the 'favorable' time.
Situations come from thought and action leading to more thought and action and situations.
If science or man or nature doesn't have an answer to the theory of universal energy, then i think what we mean is the collective energy of human thought and action.
Brahma and science, at the end of the day, are man's discoveries, one to bow before and the other to rule with.
PK:
If you are comfortable with this then it is quite the right explanation
Cora:
Can you site a personal example where you believe you or anyone around had no hand in the situation that came upon you?
PK:
It is how you take it. There is always a chain of action and reaction that can be traced in every event. It is how you interpret it; which depends on your beliefs.
People believed the earth is flat or the earth is the centre of the solar system etc. Fine. It did not change anything.
All actions and results are not immediate and therefore not obvious. The human mind tends to see only the obvious.
But when gratitude seeps into your character, you become more generous in your thinking. You see a bigger and vaster field of action.
As for examples, it would be difficult to show you the Universe at work because you would find excuses and reasons not to see it in your present frame of mind.
Let me give you some instances anyway:
I was living alone. No telephone. No servants. One day I suddenly get 104 fever and am absolutely incapacitated. I did not have the ready cash to go to a doctor in hand (these were the times when there were no ATMs or mobiles)... I was there, in bed and asking for the Universe to work it out. A friend, whom I knew only randomly and who had never visited me before, appeared in his car, took me to a doctor, took care of all the money part, brought me back and went away. He has never visited me again.
Once I was just recovering from a bout of food poisoning. I desired to eat a rassagolla. The feeling just happened to be there. A friend came by with rassagollas. Just like that.
I attribute it to the Universe. You can attribute the incidences to your own logic. I don’t think it matters one way or the other to the Universe.
Cora:
I'm undergoing a life-altering phase right now. No amount of thought and action seems to help. I would like to explore if I sit back and let the universe take over, will things be sorted out. It’s that missing piece of the puzzle that I'm desperately hunting for.
Needless to say I do not hold your thought responsible if this doesn't turn out true for me. Like you said it could just be a matter of core belief.
Thanks a ton, for this perspective Pradeep. I do hope someday I can see the world through your shades too. Cause though I can't fully accept it right now, it does seem quite enlightening.
PK:
First feel grateful for all the positive things you have.
Then stop to rest for a while in the pursuance of your goals.
To listen to the Universe, Silence is needed.
The din in your head has to be quietened.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Brute husbands
Some of you maybe interested in the conversation below.
Thanks & Regards
PK :
Dear PK,
Do you have a solution (to change in a systematic manner) for tackling with and surviving husbands who bully and shout at wives at the drop of a hat? They just look for mistakes only all the time and never miss an opportunity to shout and insult. This way the dignity of the wife is not respected. I know this man comes from a house where his mother, even at the age of 70, gets shouted at all the time by his father. He has been raised this way. They think this is manly behavior. At time he is raises his hand and causes physical hurt in various ways. One is left with no choice than to complain with police but most of the times I've noticed in most cases even the police don't take it seriously as these men are connected.
Is there a possibility of bringing some sense to these relationships? Even if the wife doesn't react these guys become irritated and go on using abusive word and provoke intentionally. I agree with you as I too know for sure that (your words)"I have often felt that many people are actually looking for a good scrape. This is how they revalidate themselves."
But I am talking about cases where even without the fault of others they misuse their positions.
Looking for guidance.
From a level-headed general view, your question would be replied like this:
What you describe is a fait accompli. The cast has solidified and change is not possible. Some cosmetic changes maybe possible if the husbands cooperate but the basic nature of the men is strongly embedded with certain habits and will not change. Any efforts at change will only produce very opposite reactions and contradictory results.
The husbands have evolved into what they are and who will show them the error of their ways and how?
They have willing women who stick to them nevertheless. Why should they change? They are quite happy as they are. Humans normally do not think or want to bring in change in themselves after their personalities have formed. After the age of 21 or so it is more a question of proving themselves and they will put all their effort in it - never in change.
Societal pressure can bring in some restraint but most societies are too lazy to enforce anything. Nobody wants get embroiled in other's problems. Specially if it concerns the authority of men then of course all men collectively will support their dominance.
Human nature is such that it will justify itself and try to prove that the fault is always of the other guy - in this case of the women. Who will contradict them or get into an argument to prove them wrong or whatever?
The police always treat it as an internal family matter. For frankly, they cannot really do anything except lock up the men on charges of battery and assault – if the women bring in this charge and there is physical, medically proven hurt to show which will stand up in court. Battering women is manly sport and the mindset of the police in India is no different.
What are the women doing? Do they realize they are tacitly approving the behavior of their men? Sure, the question does come up if they have any options in life open to them to take any kind of action; we have to understand their fear of losing the roof over their heads and finding themselves abandoned in the wild of the streets.
I have always felt that most people are where they are because they have sort of agreed to their state. Otherwise they would do something about it. Unless they crave for a change and make the first moves, nothing can be done.
Now what can we do for these women? Do the women have any ideas?
The only medicine these men will understand is force bruter than their own. Is this an advisable route? Where and how to generate this force? Fear is the key here. If we can instill fear in them of severe repercussions, we might open a window into their personas that would force them to act otherwise.
Oh How I wish I could take a few bouncers with me and give them a good dunking and put some fear of god into them.
Then please also see the other side of the picture. Women are no angels. Relationships normally begin on a rosy note. They deteriorate later because women do not realize that the man who is initially totally under her spell will one day wake up. By then women tend to pick up habits or patterns of behavior of their own within the relationship. They start expecting too much. Later when the attraction of their charms has waned, their habits like sulking, pouting and not paying attention to anything but their own wants & wishes can be severe irritants.
When arguments result, which is unavoidable, both take rigid stands as if their positions are inviolate. Resentments start to get entrenched in their respective memories. From this point on, the relationship becomes antagonistic.
Counseling should come in at this stage. Fear of God and kindness of dispositions & other considerations can do a lot to save the situation. But where these are missing, selfishness and arrogance will have their full play and only the worst can be imagined.
Thanks & Regards
PK :
Dear PK,
Do you have a solution (to change in a systematic manner) for tackling with and surviving husbands who bully and shout at wives at the drop of a hat? They just look for mistakes only all the time and never miss an opportunity to shout and insult. This way the dignity of the wife is not respected. I know this man comes from a house where his mother, even at the age of 70, gets shouted at all the time by his father. He has been raised this way. They think this is manly behavior. At time he is raises his hand and causes physical hurt in various ways. One is left with no choice than to complain with police but most of the times I've noticed in most cases even the police don't take it seriously as these men are connected.
Is there a possibility of bringing some sense to these relationships? Even if the wife doesn't react these guys become irritated and go on using abusive word and provoke intentionally. I agree with you as I too know for sure that (your words)"I have often felt that many people are actually looking for a good scrape. This is how they revalidate themselves."
But I am talking about cases where even without the fault of others they misuse their positions.
Looking for guidance.
From a level-headed general view, your question would be replied like this:
What you describe is a fait accompli. The cast has solidified and change is not possible. Some cosmetic changes maybe possible if the husbands cooperate but the basic nature of the men is strongly embedded with certain habits and will not change. Any efforts at change will only produce very opposite reactions and contradictory results.
The husbands have evolved into what they are and who will show them the error of their ways and how?
They have willing women who stick to them nevertheless. Why should they change? They are quite happy as they are. Humans normally do not think or want to bring in change in themselves after their personalities have formed. After the age of 21 or so it is more a question of proving themselves and they will put all their effort in it - never in change.
Societal pressure can bring in some restraint but most societies are too lazy to enforce anything. Nobody wants get embroiled in other's problems. Specially if it concerns the authority of men then of course all men collectively will support their dominance.
Human nature is such that it will justify itself and try to prove that the fault is always of the other guy - in this case of the women. Who will contradict them or get into an argument to prove them wrong or whatever?
The police always treat it as an internal family matter. For frankly, they cannot really do anything except lock up the men on charges of battery and assault – if the women bring in this charge and there is physical, medically proven hurt to show which will stand up in court. Battering women is manly sport and the mindset of the police in India is no different.
What are the women doing? Do they realize they are tacitly approving the behavior of their men? Sure, the question does come up if they have any options in life open to them to take any kind of action; we have to understand their fear of losing the roof over their heads and finding themselves abandoned in the wild of the streets.
I have always felt that most people are where they are because they have sort of agreed to their state. Otherwise they would do something about it. Unless they crave for a change and make the first moves, nothing can be done.
Now what can we do for these women? Do the women have any ideas?
The only medicine these men will understand is force bruter than their own. Is this an advisable route? Where and how to generate this force? Fear is the key here. If we can instill fear in them of severe repercussions, we might open a window into their personas that would force them to act otherwise.
Oh How I wish I could take a few bouncers with me and give them a good dunking and put some fear of god into them.
Then please also see the other side of the picture. Women are no angels. Relationships normally begin on a rosy note. They deteriorate later because women do not realize that the man who is initially totally under her spell will one day wake up. By then women tend to pick up habits or patterns of behavior of their own within the relationship. They start expecting too much. Later when the attraction of their charms has waned, their habits like sulking, pouting and not paying attention to anything but their own wants & wishes can be severe irritants.
When arguments result, which is unavoidable, both take rigid stands as if their positions are inviolate. Resentments start to get entrenched in their respective memories. From this point on, the relationship becomes antagonistic.
Counseling should come in at this stage. Fear of God and kindness of dispositions & other considerations can do a lot to save the situation. But where these are missing, selfishness and arrogance will have their full play and only the worst can be imagined.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Why do we shout when angry
Why do we shout when we are angry?
I received this question in the mail; and this little story. The story is beautiful and does explain poetically many things but I felt that the question needs to be studied a little more closely and objectively.
First the story:
A saint asked his disciples, 'Why do we shout in anger?
Why do people shout at each other when they are upset?'
'But, why shout when the other person is just next to you?' Why do you shout at a person when you're angry?'
Finally he explained, 'When two people are angry at each other, their
hearts get distanced.
To cover that distance they must shout to be able to hear each other.
The angrier they are, the louder they will have to shout to hear each
other through that great distance.'
Have you noticed two people in love?
Because their hearts are very close to each other they talk softly. They do not speak, only whisper and they get even closer to each other in
their love. Deep love does not even need whispering.
I was pondering over this question yesterday. A small visit into my own self made me realize something.
We shout mainly to hit hard. It is a physical action. The need to hurt the other guy is strong. It is only thoughts of our self preservation that keep us in control. Quite often even this control line is also crossed. People with low mental discipline cross this line with greater speed and ease. Their egos are easily bruised and they have very little to lose as they have very little to live for. It is best to keep a distance from these people as they will let fists fly at the smallest excuse.
I have often felt that many people are actually looking for a good scrape. This is how they revalidate themselves. Their indignation is a wonderful act of contrived acting. When we are nitpicking and focusing on faults of others, anger comes easily and with justification. Vaingloriously and righteously we march forward to correct, change and educate this uncouth world.
It is so exhilarating to let one-self go when we see we have the upper hand in a particular argument; especially if the recipient of the anger is not in a position to fight back. In contrast you should see the softness of attitude exuded by Beings who have Compassion and benevolence as the foundation of their persona.
I have observed anger suddenly popping up from somewhere deep inside me. More often by the helplessness I feel. The galling fact of having to accommodate and tolerate gives rise to most bombs of anger.
Mostly anger is the only method available to show how deeply we have been wronged. Verbal abuse is the natural culmination of this aspect. When our intellect or position in society has been attacked we have to let fly. But we cannot go beyond certain limits as we live, although I say it erroneously, in polite society. We want to follow rules of decent and logical behavior which the other person is not prepared to; he may be crossing the line rather more than just subtly by infringing on our rightful space. The legal system cannot always be counted on to provide relief. Our seething is also a show of our helplessness. Living with louts is such a pain.
But then the next question is why and about what is all this anger. Is it worth it? Can’t we live without it? I have understood that with wisdom the need or putting it another way, the irritants become less and less. When we see the continuity of life and the state of the Creation, a little introspection and a visit into our subconscious will show that we are acting and reacting more by certain habits than a real need to be angry. We have been conditioned that way and we are only carrying forward some patterns received from the human chain.
I have often observed irritation precedes a full show of anger in me. And if there is no backlash, it grows in intensity as it is poured out. Often when my little one is “NOT LISTENING”, I am able to restrain myself saying she is but a child but the other side of logic says that she has to be corrected and shown the error of her ways. (I suppose we feel this way towards the whole world). But now she is telling me back that if I do not “listen” to her she will get angry at me. She is reflecting my own behavior. We want her to listen to us and she wants us to listen to her. It is an impasse. So what is the right way to tackle this situation?
We can break this pattern by dint of effort to rationalize and teach ourselves new tricks. Subconscious patterns can over-power us before our will power and reason has a chance to kick-in. So this process needs time and continuous vigilance. The effects of our effort will start showing when we become less serious about the vagaries and stupidities of life and see the whole as a bit of a comedy.
As a parting shot I may add that it has been noticed that men tend to give physical form to their anger while women stick to more verbal methods.
I received this question in the mail; and this little story. The story is beautiful and does explain poetically many things but I felt that the question needs to be studied a little more closely and objectively.
First the story:
A saint asked his disciples, 'Why do we shout in anger?
Why do people shout at each other when they are upset?'
'But, why shout when the other person is just next to you?' Why do you shout at a person when you're angry?'
Finally he explained, 'When two people are angry at each other, their
hearts get distanced.
To cover that distance they must shout to be able to hear each other.
The angrier they are, the louder they will have to shout to hear each
other through that great distance.'
Have you noticed two people in love?
Because their hearts are very close to each other they talk softly. They do not speak, only whisper and they get even closer to each other in
their love. Deep love does not even need whispering.
I was pondering over this question yesterday. A small visit into my own self made me realize something.
We shout mainly to hit hard. It is a physical action. The need to hurt the other guy is strong. It is only thoughts of our self preservation that keep us in control. Quite often even this control line is also crossed. People with low mental discipline cross this line with greater speed and ease. Their egos are easily bruised and they have very little to lose as they have very little to live for. It is best to keep a distance from these people as they will let fists fly at the smallest excuse.
I have often felt that many people are actually looking for a good scrape. This is how they revalidate themselves. Their indignation is a wonderful act of contrived acting. When we are nitpicking and focusing on faults of others, anger comes easily and with justification. Vaingloriously and righteously we march forward to correct, change and educate this uncouth world.
It is so exhilarating to let one-self go when we see we have the upper hand in a particular argument; especially if the recipient of the anger is not in a position to fight back. In contrast you should see the softness of attitude exuded by Beings who have Compassion and benevolence as the foundation of their persona.
I have observed anger suddenly popping up from somewhere deep inside me. More often by the helplessness I feel. The galling fact of having to accommodate and tolerate gives rise to most bombs of anger.
Mostly anger is the only method available to show how deeply we have been wronged. Verbal abuse is the natural culmination of this aspect. When our intellect or position in society has been attacked we have to let fly. But we cannot go beyond certain limits as we live, although I say it erroneously, in polite society. We want to follow rules of decent and logical behavior which the other person is not prepared to; he may be crossing the line rather more than just subtly by infringing on our rightful space. The legal system cannot always be counted on to provide relief. Our seething is also a show of our helplessness. Living with louts is such a pain.
But then the next question is why and about what is all this anger. Is it worth it? Can’t we live without it? I have understood that with wisdom the need or putting it another way, the irritants become less and less. When we see the continuity of life and the state of the Creation, a little introspection and a visit into our subconscious will show that we are acting and reacting more by certain habits than a real need to be angry. We have been conditioned that way and we are only carrying forward some patterns received from the human chain.
I have often observed irritation precedes a full show of anger in me. And if there is no backlash, it grows in intensity as it is poured out. Often when my little one is “NOT LISTENING”, I am able to restrain myself saying she is but a child but the other side of logic says that she has to be corrected and shown the error of her ways. (I suppose we feel this way towards the whole world). But now she is telling me back that if I do not “listen” to her she will get angry at me. She is reflecting my own behavior. We want her to listen to us and she wants us to listen to her. It is an impasse. So what is the right way to tackle this situation?
We can break this pattern by dint of effort to rationalize and teach ourselves new tricks. Subconscious patterns can over-power us before our will power and reason has a chance to kick-in. So this process needs time and continuous vigilance. The effects of our effort will start showing when we become less serious about the vagaries and stupidities of life and see the whole as a bit of a comedy.
As a parting shot I may add that it has been noticed that men tend to give physical form to their anger while women stick to more verbal methods.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Greeting my child
Greeting My Child.
Today I can emphatically say that I am angry. What is gone wrong with adults? The insensitivity shown towards my child or for that matter other children simply makes me want to strangle them; don’t be fooled my exterior that is smiling benevolently. What has got my blood boiling you ask?
The thing is that most evenings, my daughter wants to go to my wife’s office to pick her up. As this happens to be after work hours of the bank, my child loves to play around in the open spaces of the bank with no one around to stop her while my wife finishes her day’s quota of work and closes down for the day. All this is fine but take for instance yesterday. On the way in, first we meet the guard who keeps the doors locked and permits only known people to enter. He greets her with a big smile but these words – “Hullo. Who do you want to meet? Your mother? But your mother is not there; the bank is closed.”
You can see the excitement that was shining on the face of the child disappear and concern wash over. I am angry but say nothing. Will it serve any purpose to teach the gentleman that this is not a good way to greet the child by scaring him/her? Where is the fun in this greeting?
Do we as adults greet other by saying things like – Hullo you know your wife just left with another man/ or Did you know your father just locked you out of the house and went away? . We do not think this proper, do we? Then why do we feel this is amusing when we deal with the child who is supposed to be learning from us through our behavior?
Let’s get back to our story. Then we enter the bank and there another lady colleague is encountered and all she has to say is – “Hullo, baby, where are you going? Your mother is not there! My poor child is now upset and looking at me. I wink at her and keep my mouth closed although I am seething inside. I quietly pull her away and we walk on and enter the big hall where my wife has her desk but she is not at in her chair. Her colleague who is sitting nearby and well known to the child says to my daughter: “Oh you have come for your mother? But she is not there.” My child is now really more than upset. Thank God that she does not so easily trust anybody. She holds my hand tight in concern. I tell her that mummy has gone to the toilet and she will be here soon. This time I show my displeasure but only in my eyes as I make it clear that I am not happy at seeing him. But did he get the message or just thought of me as uncouth.
The worst is yet to come. Some new recruits were around. My daughter had just painted a wooden house and was eager to show her handiwork, which she does to her mother. The new recruit, a young lady of some merit, asks my daughter who made it. And of course she says, I made it. With her limited vocabulary to her “make” “paint” all are the same. The young lady shows her adultness by remarking “No you did not make it. You are lying”. A straight accusation without a second thought. I dare to do the same with another adult. I was livid with disgust.
Had it not been in the bank, and out of consideration for my wife, I would have lashed out at these so called wise and intelligent adults of the human race. What’s with these adults? Is this all they know about talking to children? Is this their idea of a joke(sic)? Are these the people who are setting shining examples for the next generation? God save this human race!
Today I can emphatically say that I am angry. What is gone wrong with adults? The insensitivity shown towards my child or for that matter other children simply makes me want to strangle them; don’t be fooled my exterior that is smiling benevolently. What has got my blood boiling you ask?
The thing is that most evenings, my daughter wants to go to my wife’s office to pick her up. As this happens to be after work hours of the bank, my child loves to play around in the open spaces of the bank with no one around to stop her while my wife finishes her day’s quota of work and closes down for the day. All this is fine but take for instance yesterday. On the way in, first we meet the guard who keeps the doors locked and permits only known people to enter. He greets her with a big smile but these words – “Hullo. Who do you want to meet? Your mother? But your mother is not there; the bank is closed.”
You can see the excitement that was shining on the face of the child disappear and concern wash over. I am angry but say nothing. Will it serve any purpose to teach the gentleman that this is not a good way to greet the child by scaring him/her? Where is the fun in this greeting?
Do we as adults greet other by saying things like – Hullo you know your wife just left with another man/ or Did you know your father just locked you out of the house and went away? . We do not think this proper, do we? Then why do we feel this is amusing when we deal with the child who is supposed to be learning from us through our behavior?
Let’s get back to our story. Then we enter the bank and there another lady colleague is encountered and all she has to say is – “Hullo, baby, where are you going? Your mother is not there! My poor child is now upset and looking at me. I wink at her and keep my mouth closed although I am seething inside. I quietly pull her away and we walk on and enter the big hall where my wife has her desk but she is not at in her chair. Her colleague who is sitting nearby and well known to the child says to my daughter: “Oh you have come for your mother? But she is not there.” My child is now really more than upset. Thank God that she does not so easily trust anybody. She holds my hand tight in concern. I tell her that mummy has gone to the toilet and she will be here soon. This time I show my displeasure but only in my eyes as I make it clear that I am not happy at seeing him. But did he get the message or just thought of me as uncouth.
The worst is yet to come. Some new recruits were around. My daughter had just painted a wooden house and was eager to show her handiwork, which she does to her mother. The new recruit, a young lady of some merit, asks my daughter who made it. And of course she says, I made it. With her limited vocabulary to her “make” “paint” all are the same. The young lady shows her adultness by remarking “No you did not make it. You are lying”. A straight accusation without a second thought. I dare to do the same with another adult. I was livid with disgust.
Had it not been in the bank, and out of consideration for my wife, I would have lashed out at these so called wise and intelligent adults of the human race. What’s with these adults? Is this all they know about talking to children? Is this their idea of a joke(sic)? Are these the people who are setting shining examples for the next generation? God save this human race!
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Hidden Messages
.Have you ever experienced the situation when you wrote something and the other party misunderstood it or interpreted it differently, sometimes to the extent of even getting hurt or/and insulted. This is what comes when we are too sensitively inclined and read overmuch between the lines for Hidden Messages. “HIDDEN MESSAGES”? What in the name of heaven for?
But this is also a pointer to how we complicate our lives by assigning meanings to things by letting our imaginations roam and fly of the handle. How we interpret situations with angles that are not there. What could be the reason behind it?
One reason comes explicitly to mind to me because I have used it as a gambit in the game of life. Others there may be but would not be so clearly obvious. It is that we want the other guy to say something specific and as we can’t put words in his mouth we goad him to come out with it by purposely taking the route of misunderstanding. We use the part accusation and part hurt-my-feelings style. The ploy is to show that we have misunderstood by accusing him indirectly or (why not) directly. In his defense and to keep the goodwill alive the other person then is sort of obligated to say something nice and reconciliatory which is more in line to what we want to hear. We may then continue the playacting by making a show of sulk so that the poor other guy, to keep the relationship alive elaborates further by saying even nicer things in his defense. Wives, every single one of them, use this technique to keep their husbands in line.
For this purpose the sentence “So you mean to say……..” to start an accusation works very well. After this sentence is in the air, the respondent has no other recourse but to go on the defensive and explain his point in very “EGO calming” tones. A lot of people have perfected this as an art. In many I have noticed this has become part of their persona. Don’t’ fall for it. You should respond by smiling coolly and changing the subject. Or if something has to be said, say something like” Oh come on! Don’t be an ass!!” and laugh it off. If you are not good at acting etc then stick to the straight and narrow and give him the explanation but remember you’ve been had.
This is something like using reverse psychology. For example I give here an imaginative example: HE- Will you come to the tailor with me; I have to try my new suit? YOU – I wish I could but I have already promised my wife to go out with her to the market. HE – So you don’t care what happens too my expensive investment in this suit?
Anyway, generally speaking I have seen the turmoil and tragedies we humans create by being ambiguous and ah, so clever; sometimes just for the heck of it. If we could only be clear and precise at all times. If we make it a habit which others will soon recognize, we would soon avoid so many unpleasant situations.
True, we may lose many acquaintances who waste our time and opportunities that would have perhaps brought us loss or fatigue but we may also be more contended and I think it is all worth it. True friends never go away; rather they relish the candid truth.
Clarity of expression is avoided only where heightened egos are at play. And when these are around, peace and happiness or great achievements never take place. Although I have to admit in the need for tact in life threatening situations it is better to lie and play the game then get into an ugly situation for nothing.
But whatever one may say I would rather do without all this complicated stress with a dagger pointing at me, calculating at all times what is to be said and what left unsaid and how to say it. I say just let it rip but do not let any hint of malice show in your words or attitude; unfortunately this is the stuff of saints and most humans would only scoff at me.
But this is also a pointer to how we complicate our lives by assigning meanings to things by letting our imaginations roam and fly of the handle. How we interpret situations with angles that are not there. What could be the reason behind it?
One reason comes explicitly to mind to me because I have used it as a gambit in the game of life. Others there may be but would not be so clearly obvious. It is that we want the other guy to say something specific and as we can’t put words in his mouth we goad him to come out with it by purposely taking the route of misunderstanding. We use the part accusation and part hurt-my-feelings style. The ploy is to show that we have misunderstood by accusing him indirectly or (why not) directly. In his defense and to keep the goodwill alive the other person then is sort of obligated to say something nice and reconciliatory which is more in line to what we want to hear. We may then continue the playacting by making a show of sulk so that the poor other guy, to keep the relationship alive elaborates further by saying even nicer things in his defense. Wives, every single one of them, use this technique to keep their husbands in line.
For this purpose the sentence “So you mean to say……..” to start an accusation works very well. After this sentence is in the air, the respondent has no other recourse but to go on the defensive and explain his point in very “EGO calming” tones. A lot of people have perfected this as an art. In many I have noticed this has become part of their persona. Don’t’ fall for it. You should respond by smiling coolly and changing the subject. Or if something has to be said, say something like” Oh come on! Don’t be an ass!!” and laugh it off. If you are not good at acting etc then stick to the straight and narrow and give him the explanation but remember you’ve been had.
This is something like using reverse psychology. For example I give here an imaginative example: HE- Will you come to the tailor with me; I have to try my new suit? YOU – I wish I could but I have already promised my wife to go out with her to the market. HE – So you don’t care what happens too my expensive investment in this suit?
Anyway, generally speaking I have seen the turmoil and tragedies we humans create by being ambiguous and ah, so clever; sometimes just for the heck of it. If we could only be clear and precise at all times. If we make it a habit which others will soon recognize, we would soon avoid so many unpleasant situations.
True, we may lose many acquaintances who waste our time and opportunities that would have perhaps brought us loss or fatigue but we may also be more contended and I think it is all worth it. True friends never go away; rather they relish the candid truth.
Clarity of expression is avoided only where heightened egos are at play. And when these are around, peace and happiness or great achievements never take place. Although I have to admit in the need for tact in life threatening situations it is better to lie and play the game then get into an ugly situation for nothing.
But whatever one may say I would rather do without all this complicated stress with a dagger pointing at me, calculating at all times what is to be said and what left unsaid and how to say it. I say just let it rip but do not let any hint of malice show in your words or attitude; unfortunately this is the stuff of saints and most humans would only scoff at me.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Let go
Let go and let live
This subject keeps popping up every now and then. How parents maintain control and run & ruin the lives of their children till “Death doth them part” is a perennial source of many miseries. You won’t need a magnifying lens or lantern to find people who practice strict hold on the psyche on their children and for that matter anywhere they can at home or work. I see this attitude so fairly common that I decided to put down some of the conversations I have had for all to note.
Here is one of the conversations:
Dear PK, I learnt a lot by your remark - "don't try to teach the world".
One of my close relative has been into alcoholism for the last 25 years, his wife and children have left him ages back, and he stays with his mother.
Both of them share a very close bond and in spite of him being in the habit of abusing his mother...even at such an old age, separation does not seem a viable solution, nothing seems to work....can you suggest any way out?
My response:
I don’t think anything will work now.
He has decided that he will forever be a baby. His mother is promoting it.
These are cases in which mothers are responsible for the low esteem and childishness promoted right from the day one is born.
Generally speaking, the misery he will go through when his mother is not there is just frightening.
You will have to let destiny play its part. Anyone who interferes will only burn his fingers.
Mothers can be very possessive, fathers very domineering and bosses dictatorial. Humans find it very difficult to let go. The misery that entails is rarely understood by those perpetrating it. The very psyche of the child is pummeled into a blob of jelly. The indigestible truth is that the influences of these parents goes on and on into many coming generations as their children perpetuate the same tendencies.
Here I give the essential extracts from another conversation:
Question:
Considering history and events that mankind chooses to write/record as history, humans are a warring species, a cruel species, capable of any atrocity. Yet we have all learnt by experience that in relationships a little appreciation goes a long, long way.
People who erroneously believe they can bludgeon or humiliate a partner into some form of submission are so far out of sync with reality . . . yet it is common; why is that?
Response:
It is the feel of indestructibility and power at work. Humans have a cruel streak. The elements of vanity and arrogance make them vulnerable. Whenever and wherever they get a chance to exercise their power over others, they do - often with sadistic tendencies; from Dictators downwards to the clerk, from the patriarch to the cook, from Director in a school to the bully… just about everyone.
Normally we are born with a lot of kindness but the harsh condition the child meets later changes the basic nature in many different ways. As the child grows older it learns to protect itself and then it absorbs behavior patterns from his immediate surrounding and learns to do things the way it sees others doing it. Until the child is also shown and taught that kindness can bring in more rewards than brute sadistic action, the child will never know better. It is all a matter of exposure and examples set by peers.
The hold of the subconscious is very strong and most of the time it is quietly & surreptiously running the show. That is why we need to be careful with what children might be absorbing. Kind and loving parents, even indulgent ones but firm on the “Ten Commandments” create the best foundations.
Unfortunately in real life the opposite is more apparent.
Criticizing instead of softly correcting, scolding/beating and doing the thinking for the child instead of letting him discover and play; thereby preempting him at every point are the worst things that leave indelible marks and form his adult nature. Experiences from the time the child is born get stacked up in the subconscious and influence his persona forever afterwards. It is a chain reaction of habits and tendencies that goes on and on from generations to generations.
First we do not permit the child to flower; clipping his wings at every step. Then we weaken him emotionally by acting as crutches and then we complain that our children are no good, irresponsible and spineless; we even wonder if ever they will grow up. First we stunt their personalities and then ask them to go and make a mark in the world –and that too in our image. How myopic can one get?
It has been my contention that we should learn to let go after the age of 40 and after 60 the letting go should be total; easier said than done though. Not only let go but even withdraw from controlling interests; continuing to live fully at the personal level but ready for the transition that has to come eventually sooner or later.
I have seen many marriages ruined or broken, many promising careers spoilt, many disturbed kids - all because of the interfering & meddling from parents; many family owned businesses that go bust because the old man at the helm would not make the changes with the times and the next generation was never groomed properly to take over.
It is so sad to see people who have had their day clinging to every vestige of their younger self, their positions and possessions; anxious and sleepless as to what will happen after them.
The graveyard is full of people who thought of themselves as indispensable.
What shall we call this? The human comedy or human tragedy!
This subject keeps popping up every now and then. How parents maintain control and run & ruin the lives of their children till “Death doth them part” is a perennial source of many miseries. You won’t need a magnifying lens or lantern to find people who practice strict hold on the psyche on their children and for that matter anywhere they can at home or work. I see this attitude so fairly common that I decided to put down some of the conversations I have had for all to note.
Here is one of the conversations:
Dear PK, I learnt a lot by your remark - "don't try to teach the world".
One of my close relative has been into alcoholism for the last 25 years, his wife and children have left him ages back, and he stays with his mother.
Both of them share a very close bond and in spite of him being in the habit of abusing his mother...even at such an old age, separation does not seem a viable solution, nothing seems to work....can you suggest any way out?
My response:
I don’t think anything will work now.
He has decided that he will forever be a baby. His mother is promoting it.
These are cases in which mothers are responsible for the low esteem and childishness promoted right from the day one is born.
Generally speaking, the misery he will go through when his mother is not there is just frightening.
You will have to let destiny play its part. Anyone who interferes will only burn his fingers.
Mothers can be very possessive, fathers very domineering and bosses dictatorial. Humans find it very difficult to let go. The misery that entails is rarely understood by those perpetrating it. The very psyche of the child is pummeled into a blob of jelly. The indigestible truth is that the influences of these parents goes on and on into many coming generations as their children perpetuate the same tendencies.
Here I give the essential extracts from another conversation:
Question:
Considering history and events that mankind chooses to write/record as history, humans are a warring species, a cruel species, capable of any atrocity. Yet we have all learnt by experience that in relationships a little appreciation goes a long, long way.
People who erroneously believe they can bludgeon or humiliate a partner into some form of submission are so far out of sync with reality . . . yet it is common; why is that?
Response:
It is the feel of indestructibility and power at work. Humans have a cruel streak. The elements of vanity and arrogance make them vulnerable. Whenever and wherever they get a chance to exercise their power over others, they do - often with sadistic tendencies; from Dictators downwards to the clerk, from the patriarch to the cook, from Director in a school to the bully… just about everyone.
Normally we are born with a lot of kindness but the harsh condition the child meets later changes the basic nature in many different ways. As the child grows older it learns to protect itself and then it absorbs behavior patterns from his immediate surrounding and learns to do things the way it sees others doing it. Until the child is also shown and taught that kindness can bring in more rewards than brute sadistic action, the child will never know better. It is all a matter of exposure and examples set by peers.
The hold of the subconscious is very strong and most of the time it is quietly & surreptiously running the show. That is why we need to be careful with what children might be absorbing. Kind and loving parents, even indulgent ones but firm on the “Ten Commandments” create the best foundations.
Unfortunately in real life the opposite is more apparent.
Criticizing instead of softly correcting, scolding/beating and doing the thinking for the child instead of letting him discover and play; thereby preempting him at every point are the worst things that leave indelible marks and form his adult nature. Experiences from the time the child is born get stacked up in the subconscious and influence his persona forever afterwards. It is a chain reaction of habits and tendencies that goes on and on from generations to generations.
First we do not permit the child to flower; clipping his wings at every step. Then we weaken him emotionally by acting as crutches and then we complain that our children are no good, irresponsible and spineless; we even wonder if ever they will grow up. First we stunt their personalities and then ask them to go and make a mark in the world –and that too in our image. How myopic can one get?
It has been my contention that we should learn to let go after the age of 40 and after 60 the letting go should be total; easier said than done though. Not only let go but even withdraw from controlling interests; continuing to live fully at the personal level but ready for the transition that has to come eventually sooner or later.
I have seen many marriages ruined or broken, many promising careers spoilt, many disturbed kids - all because of the interfering & meddling from parents; many family owned businesses that go bust because the old man at the helm would not make the changes with the times and the next generation was never groomed properly to take over.
It is so sad to see people who have had their day clinging to every vestige of their younger self, their positions and possessions; anxious and sleepless as to what will happen after them.
The graveyard is full of people who thought of themselves as indispensable.
What shall we call this? The human comedy or human tragedy!
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Is this the road to Rome?
Discussing sayings (9)
Accumulation Vs Passing-it-on.
- In the pursuit of learning, everyday something is acquired. In the pursuit of Tao, everyday something is given away. – Lao Tzu
- Do not struggle. Go with the flow of things and you will be yourself at one with the mysterious unity of the universe. – Chuang Tzu
Everyone is talking of Happiness. Let me talk about unhappiness. Why are we unhappy? In other terms this question reflects our inner being’s query of which way to happiness. If we can find a way to cut out unhappiness, then surely happiness would result? We need to delve a little deeper.
Do you ever feel the Universe? Are aware of its flow? Have you ever been lonely and in that state of self-pity which is also a state of questioning, wondered where all of this was moving to? Life comes and goes. The rivers flow on and on. The plants grow and grow.
Something is moving towards something; in spite of our inability to see the bigger picture.
In contrast see how we pattern our lives. The very first mistake is that we do all to stop the flow. First we cut ourselves from the “everflowing” that is happening all around us. Then we purposefully train ourselves to acquire and accumulate. This becomes our wealth. Then we put all our energies in saving it from grabbers and are mostly worried sick. Then when all this activity has provided us with all our wealth, it is often time to move on which we fight against tooth and nail. Is this the way to happiness?
The saying “Live happily ever after” is a joke played by humanity on itself. First there is no ever after. It is all in the now. The present now creates the future now; and our miserable existence rebirths itself everyday. So perhaps it is time to sit by the river and growing trees and re-ponder over the question and rework our priorities. Let’s ask ourselves the ultimate question “Quo Vadis?” – wither goest thou? Life is not there to accumulate things; that is conclusively clear. Then what is it? But then who am I to be professing so much? Let me speak from the greater personalities who have seen the error of our ways and have shown the way to be followed. I have learnt that having too much is in-prisoning and we must learn to live with less and let the rest move on. And the knowledge acquired has to be put into practice or it stales, locked up in the head.
- In the pursuit of learning, everyday something is acquired. In the pursuit of Tao, everyday something is given away. – Lao Tzu
- Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do. - Goethe
- Remember people or for that matter the universe, remember you for your actions; not your intentions. You may have a heart of gold but then so does a hard-boiled egg. - unkown
- Take time to deliberate; but when the time for action arrives, stop thinking and go in. Napoleon Bonaparte
- Never mistake motion for action. - E Hemingway
From the above it is clear. That everything comes to us and that the universe is taking care of things if we shall let it; if only we can grow out of our narrow-minded agendas but everything also needs to be later passed on. Or will get passed on willy-nilly.
So perhaps to not be unhappy we just need to learn to flow rather than grow too many rigid roots and not stick on to what we really do not need?
Accumulation Vs Passing-it-on.
- In the pursuit of learning, everyday something is acquired. In the pursuit of Tao, everyday something is given away. – Lao Tzu
- Do not struggle. Go with the flow of things and you will be yourself at one with the mysterious unity of the universe. – Chuang Tzu
Everyone is talking of Happiness. Let me talk about unhappiness. Why are we unhappy? In other terms this question reflects our inner being’s query of which way to happiness. If we can find a way to cut out unhappiness, then surely happiness would result? We need to delve a little deeper.
Do you ever feel the Universe? Are aware of its flow? Have you ever been lonely and in that state of self-pity which is also a state of questioning, wondered where all of this was moving to? Life comes and goes. The rivers flow on and on. The plants grow and grow.
Something is moving towards something; in spite of our inability to see the bigger picture.
In contrast see how we pattern our lives. The very first mistake is that we do all to stop the flow. First we cut ourselves from the “everflowing” that is happening all around us. Then we purposefully train ourselves to acquire and accumulate. This becomes our wealth. Then we put all our energies in saving it from grabbers and are mostly worried sick. Then when all this activity has provided us with all our wealth, it is often time to move on which we fight against tooth and nail. Is this the way to happiness?
The saying “Live happily ever after” is a joke played by humanity on itself. First there is no ever after. It is all in the now. The present now creates the future now; and our miserable existence rebirths itself everyday. So perhaps it is time to sit by the river and growing trees and re-ponder over the question and rework our priorities. Let’s ask ourselves the ultimate question “Quo Vadis?” – wither goest thou? Life is not there to accumulate things; that is conclusively clear. Then what is it? But then who am I to be professing so much? Let me speak from the greater personalities who have seen the error of our ways and have shown the way to be followed. I have learnt that having too much is in-prisoning and we must learn to live with less and let the rest move on. And the knowledge acquired has to be put into practice or it stales, locked up in the head.
- In the pursuit of learning, everyday something is acquired. In the pursuit of Tao, everyday something is given away. – Lao Tzu
- Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do. - Goethe
- Remember people or for that matter the universe, remember you for your actions; not your intentions. You may have a heart of gold but then so does a hard-boiled egg. - unkown
- Take time to deliberate; but when the time for action arrives, stop thinking and go in. Napoleon Bonaparte
- Never mistake motion for action. - E Hemingway
From the above it is clear. That everything comes to us and that the universe is taking care of things if we shall let it; if only we can grow out of our narrow-minded agendas but everything also needs to be later passed on. Or will get passed on willy-nilly.
So perhaps to not be unhappy we just need to learn to flow rather than grow too many rigid roots and not stick on to what we really do not need?
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
17 artists from all over have got together to show case their offerings in a book.
Name of the book: The ABC of ARTnership.
Full color paperback, 154 pages
Will be available on Amazon.com from June onwards.
Identy Code nos:
EAN-13 9781442165359
ISBN 1442165359
You can see some of the wonderful pieces on offer in this slide show: Pl clik on this link:
http://www.slide.com/r/Fnu-gedt6j9HFzY-yA5afpPw_ykngdsh?previous_view=mscd_embedded_url&view=original
The book is a piece of Art by itself. You'll love to browse through it, gift it, keep it on your coffee table.
Artists featured are:
Kiran Soni Gupta, PK(Pradeep), Shirish Vasant Deshpande, R C Sharma, Martha Philbeck, William Lieberz, Nin Tanneja, Woody “Charcoal”, Rashi Gupta, ”Magnussa” Elisabeth, Narendra Srivastava, Prof Aekka Y Rao, Shalini Sinha, Imelda Maguire, Nataera, Sonia Singh, Shiva Hiremath
For more details contact: PK at gunaspublishing@yahoo.com
Thanks & Regards
PK
Friday, May 1, 2009
Not listening
The Art of not listening
Do you like to live your life your way? Then you must absolutely cultivate the art of not listening. Don’t be fooled by all these lectures on listening that will improve your life by making you more efficient and bringing in more value to your existence. It is absolute baloney. Listening never did any good to anybody. It only brings duties and commitments and who wants any of this?
Look at this guy hogging the road or even that pedestrian walking merrily in the centre of the road. Both have been taught and told, I am sure often enough, to be a little more “giving” and considerate; if not for others at least for their own selves. From their behavior you would believe that they both acquired white hairs by standing under the sun. Then coming down to the immediate present, no amount of honking seems to affect them. Are they deaf? No sir, nothing of this. They are tax payers so they have rights and the roads are for public use; although I would keep my fingers crossed when making this statement.
The art of not listening has some techniques that can be mastered by anybody.
First obviously is to go deaf. Refuse to allow a certain level of higher frequencies to titillate your nerves in the ear. What will the other guy do? Hang you by the nearest tree?! There is really no point in being considerate and raising our blood-pressure levels, is there?
Second, learn to convert every exchange into an argument. Put the other guy in the position to having to clarify. Any stupid remark will do as long as it is made as an accusation. Keep this up till the poor other guy gives up and rearranges his life to cut you out. The problem is that this technique is used mainly in marriages where cutting out is not so simple. It would be better then to learn to grin and bear it.
Third, treat every question as an incriminating statement and answer accordingly with a lot of anguish and hurt in your voice and demeanor. Your words should show it by saying immediately in response something like: you are always shouting at me. The idea would be clearly to put the other guy on the defensive; the subject then getting conveniently brushed under the carpet. The other guy will eventually realize that he has been had but what can he really do except grind his teeth?
Fourth, be the nice guy. Grunt a yes sounding something and almost certainly do your own thing unless it is blatantly against your good health policy.
Fifth, is by changing the activity. Let us say you are watching the TV and your partner starts speaking to you. Immediately start fluffing the pillow with a loud noise then say sorry and then ask him to get you a glass of water. This does require a little presence of mind but practice makes perfect.
Sixth, just lose your temper. This will act as rumble-strips and slow the other fellow down and even embarrass him. Take advantage of the situation and accuse him of everything you can think of. It will not only take care of the present situation but make him downright scared for even daring to open his mouth in the future.
Happiness is in not listening.
Do you like to live your life your way? Then you must absolutely cultivate the art of not listening. Don’t be fooled by all these lectures on listening that will improve your life by making you more efficient and bringing in more value to your existence. It is absolute baloney. Listening never did any good to anybody. It only brings duties and commitments and who wants any of this?
Look at this guy hogging the road or even that pedestrian walking merrily in the centre of the road. Both have been taught and told, I am sure often enough, to be a little more “giving” and considerate; if not for others at least for their own selves. From their behavior you would believe that they both acquired white hairs by standing under the sun. Then coming down to the immediate present, no amount of honking seems to affect them. Are they deaf? No sir, nothing of this. They are tax payers so they have rights and the roads are for public use; although I would keep my fingers crossed when making this statement.
The art of not listening has some techniques that can be mastered by anybody.
First obviously is to go deaf. Refuse to allow a certain level of higher frequencies to titillate your nerves in the ear. What will the other guy do? Hang you by the nearest tree?! There is really no point in being considerate and raising our blood-pressure levels, is there?
Second, learn to convert every exchange into an argument. Put the other guy in the position to having to clarify. Any stupid remark will do as long as it is made as an accusation. Keep this up till the poor other guy gives up and rearranges his life to cut you out. The problem is that this technique is used mainly in marriages where cutting out is not so simple. It would be better then to learn to grin and bear it.
Third, treat every question as an incriminating statement and answer accordingly with a lot of anguish and hurt in your voice and demeanor. Your words should show it by saying immediately in response something like: you are always shouting at me. The idea would be clearly to put the other guy on the defensive; the subject then getting conveniently brushed under the carpet. The other guy will eventually realize that he has been had but what can he really do except grind his teeth?
Fourth, be the nice guy. Grunt a yes sounding something and almost certainly do your own thing unless it is blatantly against your good health policy.
Fifth, is by changing the activity. Let us say you are watching the TV and your partner starts speaking to you. Immediately start fluffing the pillow with a loud noise then say sorry and then ask him to get you a glass of water. This does require a little presence of mind but practice makes perfect.
Sixth, just lose your temper. This will act as rumble-strips and slow the other fellow down and even embarrass him. Take advantage of the situation and accuse him of everything you can think of. It will not only take care of the present situation but make him downright scared for even daring to open his mouth in the future.
Happiness is in not listening.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
En Repos
Lying down after a day's workGods at the crossroads
From what I can gather from the actions and conversations of people, God is the Creator of this world and runs this world. We are supposed to be one of his children or are we and have imposed the idea of being his children so that He is forced to treat us as His children and take care of us?God is all that we aspire of and the highest Aspiration that we can conceive of; or at least so we lead ourselves to believe.
We would rather die hungry but build temples. We would allow ourselves to be impoverished but dress up our God in silk and gold. We shower the best foods on our Gods and hope that He will be pleased and in return offer us goodies four-fold beyond our expectations.
Everyone designs his God in his expectations so a plethora of Them roam this earth. How real are they? Do they have any basis in some real phenomena? Can anyone really prove it? We really do not have answers so the argument is unendable and enclosed within its parameters are all the ills, evils and kindness of the human race.
Humans are an ingenious breed. Once the Gods have been appeased, their importance is immediately placed on the practical balance of everyday affairs and if needed they are sidelined. Often we have no time to give them the obeisance we believe is due to them so we strike a bargain by putting them up at crossroads; this permits us to pay our daily prayer without side-stepping into a temple.
It is another matter that this same God whom we pray to is left to toast under the sun, or be dry-cleaned under the rain and chilled in the winters. He is there finally to serve us and his place is where we need him at our convenience.
If it has to be at the confluence of cross-roads then so be it.
The miniature versions soon become a nuisance and are immediately thrown under a tree or in a stream when they have served us. One does wonder what value we are giving to our Gods. See the number of Greeting card with the Gods adorning them to be crushed underfoot and/or thrown out with the common garbage?
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Silence is Golden. Discussing the sayings. 8
Silence is Golden. Discussing the sayings. 8
How often do you go out, sit in your rocking chair and listen to birds and the trees and perhaps the butterflies?
I asked this above question to a group focusing on meditation.
One of the replies is: My inclination lies in Silence -this has been the place in which I have felt at greatest ease. Being an Observer, or Silent witness, conscious of my Real Self, is my way of life, and my Meditation lies on that path.
This is a beautiful reply.
Silence is the best environment to be in. It is the strongest and most creative place. It is only in silence that others can speak to us. The universe is waiting for the din in our heads to quieten down so that it could put in a word or two. But we forget everything and focus on our ability of speech and we never have seemed to learn to stop. A little quietening down is absolutely essential both for growing and for renewal. We need also a little balancing act with ourselves to equate and see ourselves in reflection; ourselves as our own witness comparing and analysing so that we can know where improvement is needed. The flowers and butterflies are silent but in action at the same time.
Yes this is the enigma. Speaking in silence is the trick.
The flowers, the cloud formations, the flowing water and the shimmering reflection of the lights of the cities in water, the he waves crashing on the beach and so many other activities that do their thing, communicate but never say a thing. How entrancing they are. There is something in these forms of happenings that attract our attention and gels with some part of our being. If it were not so, why would we want to collect butterflies and put the flowers in pots? This is speech of a kind. We can speak with the eyes, eyebrows, actions and movement can’t we? The same way Mother Nature speaks to us in various hues and modes. If only we would listen.
I am a practioner of silent action. Once when I was in the neighborhood park with my child who had learnt to walk recently and she was exploring the world of the grass, flowers, swing and other exciting things, an older gentleman sitting and watching us remarked that I rarely said anything to the child but that I simply followed her around.
This is point that could be elaborated a bit. The thing is that I was totally focused on the pleasure of discovery that my child had created. I normally went to the park at a time when it would not be crowded. So we could open ourselves out in comparative aloofness. But although the appreciation of the gentleman came as a pleasant surprise, this is the truth: my child and I were communicating fully although without the medium of speech.
I do not believe in over guiding, teaching or counseling. Better to wait for the right moment and make a remark based on the truth of my own experience, philosophy and experience. This has more impact than continuous lecturing.
How often do you go out, sit in your rocking chair and listen to birds and the trees and perhaps the butterflies?
I asked this above question to a group focusing on meditation.
One of the replies is: My inclination lies in Silence -this has been the place in which I have felt at greatest ease. Being an Observer, or Silent witness, conscious of my Real Self, is my way of life, and my Meditation lies on that path.
This is a beautiful reply.
Silence is the best environment to be in. It is the strongest and most creative place. It is only in silence that others can speak to us. The universe is waiting for the din in our heads to quieten down so that it could put in a word or two. But we forget everything and focus on our ability of speech and we never have seemed to learn to stop. A little quietening down is absolutely essential both for growing and for renewal. We need also a little balancing act with ourselves to equate and see ourselves in reflection; ourselves as our own witness comparing and analysing so that we can know where improvement is needed. The flowers and butterflies are silent but in action at the same time.
Yes this is the enigma. Speaking in silence is the trick.
The flowers, the cloud formations, the flowing water and the shimmering reflection of the lights of the cities in water, the he waves crashing on the beach and so many other activities that do their thing, communicate but never say a thing. How entrancing they are. There is something in these forms of happenings that attract our attention and gels with some part of our being. If it were not so, why would we want to collect butterflies and put the flowers in pots? This is speech of a kind. We can speak with the eyes, eyebrows, actions and movement can’t we? The same way Mother Nature speaks to us in various hues and modes. If only we would listen.
I am a practioner of silent action. Once when I was in the neighborhood park with my child who had learnt to walk recently and she was exploring the world of the grass, flowers, swing and other exciting things, an older gentleman sitting and watching us remarked that I rarely said anything to the child but that I simply followed her around.
This is point that could be elaborated a bit. The thing is that I was totally focused on the pleasure of discovery that my child had created. I normally went to the park at a time when it would not be crowded. So we could open ourselves out in comparative aloofness. But although the appreciation of the gentleman came as a pleasant surprise, this is the truth: my child and I were communicating fully although without the medium of speech.
I do not believe in over guiding, teaching or counseling. Better to wait for the right moment and make a remark based on the truth of my own experience, philosophy and experience. This has more impact than continuous lecturing.
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